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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS(8) not invited to party

562 replies

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:01

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

OP posts:
Jibberjabba · 09/04/2025 15:04

I honestly think it’s gone beyond her hosting at yours because of her knee jerk response. You shouldn’t have to beg for your son to attend or say anything except the deal is now off the table.

AlphaRadiationIsHeliumNuclei · 09/04/2025 15:02

I would also make sure that the other parents know that she tried this on. I'm sure they'll all be just as horrified as we all are.

PrincessScarlett · 09/04/2025 15:00

Has the CF even told you how many people she has invited? You could have cars parked all over the place and pissing your neighbours off. There will be parents insisting on staying and parents who bring siblings that aren't invited so they will run riot in your non sporting part of the garden.

LBFseBrom · 09/04/2025 14:57

murasaki · 09/04/2025 14:03

I'd be rescinding the offer, she is taking cheeky fuckery to new levels here.

That, with knobs on!

HScully · 09/04/2025 14:57

Just send the following:

" Apologies I did not realise that that would be the case. As you could understand it would likely cause my son great distress to have a party hosted at his own home with all his friends that he is not invited to. So I would be unable to facilitate on this occasion."

She will soon change her tune Id be amazed if she cancels

If she does cancel, then just let people know why, she is being so unreasonable no one would think bad of you here

SlightlyJaded · 09/04/2025 14:57

This is one of those occasions where honesty is best

Hi CF

I am gong to cut to the chase and tell you that I honestly had to read your message twice to be sure I hadn't misunderstood. Now that I am clear on your suggestion, I am having to think about where to go from here. I realise it will be very difficult for you to arrange a new venue at this short notice and that it would be a shame for your DS to have his party upended, but did you really think that it was okay to exclude XXX whose home it is? Whose equipment you are borrowing? Who is friends with your DS? Who is looking forward to the party? Just because he might take the 'shine' off your DS? Seriously?

What did you think would happen? That he would sit in his room watching one of his friends and other boys jumping around in his garden knowing he wasn't allowed to join in?

I am going to do the fairest thing I think I can do, and put the ball back in your court. Leaving DS out becuase he is 'too good' at the activity is not an option for us, so please let me know how you'd like to move forward.

Thanks
OP

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 09/04/2025 14:57

"Understood, sorry to hear you no longer think this is a suitable venue for the party. I hope you find somewhere else."

Crazybaby123 · 09/04/2025 14:57

Just a thought.. maybe shes charging people to come to it and doeant want you to find out
Or maybe shes invited people and told them its her house.
Or maybe her mad uncle Jim and his lot are coming and they like to smash beer cans on their heads and ahe is embarressed.
Either way, shes out of order.

OatFlatWhiteForMe · 09/04/2025 14:56

The party is in your DS’s home, he is therefore automatically invited. I am disgusted at the other parent.

There would be no good will going forward for training etc either.

SonK · 09/04/2025 14:56

GRex · 09/04/2025 14:54

Actually, this does sum it up rather neatly.
No chance, it's his house. He comes or it's cancelled. 😂
Keep the laughing face in too!

Show quote history

Lol yes - can you please just say this to her if you don't want to rescind the offer x

NewAgeNewMe · 09/04/2025 14:56

Some people never seem to amaze me!

SuperTrooper14 · 09/04/2025 14:56

Are you insured to allow a third party group to use the equipment on your property for a party? If it's something like trampolining, then surely you or DH need to be there to supervise, which means of course your DS will have to be present too.

Trendyname · 09/04/2025 14:55

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:22

He’s at work, probably will be braver than me and want to cancel.

im just worried about repercussions for ds if we do.

Show quote history

Text her exactly this. The part in brackets being optional.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden (and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion).

Viviennemary · 09/04/2025 14:55

Your garden is no longer available. Ridiculous. Too late for invitation I would say.

AprilBunny · 09/04/2025 14:55

DeborahVance · 09/04/2025 14:53

Bloody hell that is next level cheeky fuckery.

'That's a shame, it's not really fair on DS who has been so looking forward to it to have a party in his garden to which he's not invited. If you really don't want to invite him you'll need to find somewhere else'

I’d go for something like this.

AlphaRadiationIsHeliumNuclei · 09/04/2025 14:55

I would just reply briefly and to the point.

'Following your last text message our garden and sports facilities are no longer available for your party. Please inform your guests as soon as possible'.

Noshowlomo · 09/04/2025 14:54

GRex · 09/04/2025 14:52

she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead

This is amazing. I'd have an awful lot of responses. As your preferred option is DS going, I'd keep it clear and simple.

"It looks like you've mixed up a favour we offered for our son's friend with you having the right to exclude our family from access to our garden. It's entirely your decision who you invite to [your DS]'s party, but you will not hold an event at my son's home while excluding him from the party, that would obviously be bonkers. Let us know your decision once you've had a moment to think."

Great response

GRex · 09/04/2025 14:54

feelingrobbed · 09/04/2025 14:52

No chance. It’s his house. He comes or it’s cancelled. Use chat gpt to make it sound polite 🤣

Actually, this does sum it up rather neatly.
No chance, it's his house. He comes or it's cancelled. 😂
Keep the laughing face in too!

Tiredofallthis101 · 09/04/2025 14:54

Wow. I'd just say - sorry, we agreed to host the party on the assumption DS would be invited. Perhaps our fault for not checking he would be, but we would not be happy to host the party at our house if DS is not invited. Let us know if you change your mind and decide to invite him, if not then we will assume you will be rearranging the party at a different location.

murasaki · 09/04/2025 14:54

I'm normally reluctant to suggest mobilising your husband, but as you clearly won't back your son, maybe get him to do it.

CantStopMoving · 09/04/2025 14:53

having children puts you into contact with all the world’s weirdos. You wouldn’t otherwise meet them. 99.99% of people would not have the audacity to accept a massively generous favour off someone and then also give them a massive kick in the shins for the pleasure of it! No good deed goes unpunished so they say…

ManyATrueWord · 09/04/2025 14:53

I'd be writing "I'm sorry, I offered to help with the party because YourSon and MySon are friends and I of course expected that MySon would be included in his friend's party when it was at his own house. If this is a party where MySon isn't a guest on the same terms as everyone else we won't be able to host as it was a favour to a friend, we are not a venue for hire. " And let her squirm.

DeborahVance · 09/04/2025 14:53

Bloody hell that is next level cheeky fuckery.

'That's a shame, it's not really fair on DS who has been so looking forward to it to have a party in his garden to which he's not invited. If you really don't want to invite him you'll need to find somewhere else'

Ineedcoffee2021 · 09/04/2025 14:53

Id cancel

JustAboutHangingInThere · 09/04/2025 14:52

You’ve done a really nice thing in giving her the space and equipment for her sons party. I’m speechless at what she’s said. Your son should be invited (given it’s his garden!). If not cancel as that would not be right or fair. I would be incredibly offended. I would be inclined to tell her that no invite is not acceptable, had you known this would be the case you wouldn’t have offered equipment and space. It’s invitation or cancel.