DS(8) not invited to party

I wouldn’t cancel. I’d take DS out for the day todo something infinitely better and then never speak to the stupid cow ever again. It would be the last time either her or her child set foot in my house/garden.

this way your son hasn’t fallen out with anyone his friendships are preserved, she hasn’t had a chance to be nasty to him and he hasn’t had to watch everyone do something he loves.

You have been so generous, it’s breathtaking that she would dare be so vile in return.

I would struggle to be civil in your position, but if I could manage to choke it out I think I’d say that you can’t expect an 8 year old to take that sort of thing on the chin so he either goes or it doesn’t happen.

This. And it's not a lie at all. If you are some sort of free party venue that's totally different to just having a few friends in the garden with you and your son being present.

Also as others have said you are on dodgy grounds insurance wise if some child is injured so tell her you will also need to see that she has taken out insurance other own. It’s easily done and not expensive just a hastle.

Then you'd better get a wriggle on and tell her today that unfortunately the party isn't happening. Don't be a push over. Your poor son.

Be straight with her and remind her this is your son’s home, garden and equipment and he will be attending the party as he will be at home as that is the basis upon which you agreed to lend her your garden. Tell her that you understand her concerns but do not agree with them but that you understand if she feels she needs to either cancel or relocate the party. She’s a cf of the highest order so needs to be dealt with in a similar vein.

I think her ask is awful and plan weird in fact.....how did she think is was acceptable to kick a child out of his own house/garden?
In some ways I'd want to cancel if it was my child but wouldn't want to cause issues for him in the shared club. Cause you can bet your bottom dollar that this woman would seek revenge at your son's expense.
Personally I would take your son out for the day for a really special treat of his choice, so he is out of the way.
If there is any way of only enabling this mother to have access to the back garden only, do that. This means she can use the activity set up but not your house. It might inconvenience her a bit without totally cancelling but illustrates that she's being totally unreasonable.
Your son could have been such an asset to the day to help host/support others but to just be excluded.......a forced invitation seems so wrong.

Good one!

Easy way out of this for you.

"Sorry, we have checked with our household insurance and they have said if it was just a case of friends and family then the household insurance is covered. As it will not involve anyone from the household it is in fact a business activity (regardless of payment) and we will not have liability cover". We would hate for someone to hurt themselves and to feel they would have to sue us personally.....

You understand dont you.......you CF

The only way you will get a reluctant invitation is if you cancel and then she changes her mind. I’m more bloody minded than you though. I’d cancel outright. I wouldn’t want the risk of hurting her and her son’s party.

Wow. That is off the scale.cheeky fuckery and just plain cruel!!

I'd be cancelling the party. I'd be going full scorched earth personally. Your child will hear some version anyway so I'd be telling them the truth. I'd also be telling other people too.

Yes it's a shame we had to cancel but obviously we didn't agree to our own child not being invited to a party we had offered to host in our own back garden. 😡 Anyone who thought you were in the wrong I'd be happy to write off personally anyway along with the CF parent.

This is far too many words to say “That doesn’t work for us, my son can go into his garden if he pleases”

another one here saying check your insurance.

and i would be telling her that her DS is no longer welcome to come and practice when he wants because it is clear that in her family there is no concept of normal, regular, manners.

And because of insurance.

(also make sure she has a plan to clean up after the party, and rectify any breakages)

If this woman had any common sense and respect for the OP and her family, she would thank them for letting her have the party in their garden and make sure that they are all welcome to attend. There’s no other way around it. It’s not the OP’s assumption that is wrong here.

OP, just tell her ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t force DS to sit inside while there are children in his garden playing with his equipment. If him being there doesn’t work for you, I’m afraid you’ll have to hold the party elsewhere.’

I bet she won’t cancel and hopefully your DS won’t know about all this drama in the background. After the party, never let her use your garden again.

My gut reaction would be to laugh in her face and cancel, but that would be my own pride talking. I think you're right to grit your teeth and allow her to use your garden and equipment as long as your DS is invited. He won't knows thing about it and will have a great time with his friends. If you cancelled, he'd know all about it, be upset and possibly suffer the repercussions of your decision. It's not fair, it's not satisfying, but it's putting your DS first.

She's a CF of the highest order. I hope she comes to her senses and cringes hard at her behaviour.

It isn't awkward on the grounds you give, because no normal person would think they can hold a party in a their child's friend's home without inviting the resident child. That has never ever ever ever ever been a "thing" that anybody would do.

As a homeowner you do indeed have a legal duty of care to anyone you allow onto your property - basically you're responsible for taking reasonable steps to ensure any visitors to your home are safe.

If a child gets injured at this CF party because there was a problem with the equipment or some hazard she didn’t warn them about, then the OP could indeed potentially be held liable, even though she is doing it as a favour and she isn't charging for access.

ETA - OP if you do go ahead, make sure you get something in writing about this - send her a message confirming that she is taking full responsibility for supervising the kids and they are using the equipment at their own risk.

As others have said, it is completely reasonable to rescind the offer. Where does she expect your Don to be during a party in his garden using his stuff?

Another vote for cancel. What a horrible person.

yeah - I'd be telling her to give her head a wobble. And no party in my garden.

I hope the media get wind of this and shame the cf! I thought I’d heard it all on here what a cheek! Not to mention cruel to your ds!

Agree that your DS isn't a friend after all otherwise he would have been invited. They are totally using your house and facilities to impress and treating you like the hired help.

Unfortunately I don't think there's anyway you will come out of this unscathed so you'll just have to rip that plaster off and cancel. If you cancel CF will bad mouth you, if you get your son invited CF will bad mouth you and potentially be mean to your son and if you make your son stay inside uninvited that is a terrible message to send him about how to be treated by people and will be very upsetting for him.

Am I right in thinking this woman is also expecting @op's DH to help out with the 'sport' at this party? if so, it's even worse. Poor boy forbidden from entering his own garden, can hear from his room, screams of delight from all the other children and his dad is helping out.

Wtf !!! Can’t believe what I am reading
from what you say she hasn’t actually said no he can’t come , so I’d send a message along the lines of “ son assumed, as did we, he is invited and is v much looking forward to it
he knows your child is star of the day

I’d love to know what this sport equipment is ??? Swimming pool ? Archery ?? Surely it would require your supervision?

The absolute cheek of her! Seriously what is wrong with people?! Of course its assumed that you're invited to a party in your own home!!

It would be really awkward if she still has the party there because you know she doesnt want your son there.
I'd tell her that unfortunately she can no longer have the party at yours.

Tough poo about her finding another venue