DS(8) not invited to party

I don't think anyone would judge you for cancelling once they hear your side of the story. I agree with pp a pity invitation would be even worse at this stage so I would just cancel personally

Absolutely this. My god, she's something else. Ridiculous.

I’ve been a pushover but fuck that.

This woman is absolutely taking the piss and is actually thinking it’s ok for an 8 year old child to potentially look out of his bedroom window and see some of his friends at a party, a party he thinks he’s invited too when he hasn’t and in his own garden? Are you fucking kidding me. It’s a massive no fucking way from me.

I wouldn’t cancel but I would make my feelings clear. Your ds should neither be cooped up nor have to leave his home when you have done this woman a massive favour.

So they are using your space and equipment and are a friend of your sons but he isn’t invited as it might look like his party. That isn’t a CF but an utter wanker.

id be inclined to be very blunt and say that what she is asking is ridiculous, there are, I’m sure insurance issues if you were to do this (does she have the relevant insurances because it isn’t your party so your home insurance won’t cover), what if your equipment got broke? So it’s ds being invited, or you’re not hosting the event on the grounds that you’re not a community centre and it’s ludicrous to think you would host without your son going along. Word it carefully and if any crap from others you can pass along what you sent.

im not one for expecting my child to be invited anywhere, but in this situation it is bloody unbelievable that the mother has even thought this let alone message you!!!!

alternatively as someone else has said charge them, but a ridiculous amount like £800 so that you could get the insurance if she was to actually agree.

what a nasty piece of work.

'Hi Sarah - we were offering as friends to host Oliver's party in our garden so the equipment could be used.

If you'd said from the outset that you wanted to hire our garden & equipment as an exclusive venue, we would have declined then as that requires public liability insurance & obviously commercial hire rates, & that's never been an avenue we've wanted to pursue - we built the <whatever> for friends & family to enjoy, not to monetise. Too much hassle by far!

So we're obviously at cross purposes here & can't go ahead. Hope you find a great venue & Oliver has a fabulous birthday!'

& STICK.TO.IT. A pity invite would be awful at this stage.

"She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead."

Wtaf. Kids have activity parties all the time, with kids who are much better at the activity. Football parties with kids who play for academies etc. It doesn't 'take the shine' off the birthday child, it doesn't take the attention off them.

She can't really think that 8 year olds who are invited to Olivers party, have bought Oliver a present, have written Oliver a card, are going to getbto a party and because its not at Olivers house, are going to be confused and think it's actually a celebration of another boys birthday instead?

And then if you were party mum you'd tell your DS to cop on as the party is being held in OPs house so he invites OPs son or no party.
OP this woman is not your friend. She is vile.

Definitely tell her ds will not be sitting indoors while his friends use his garden. He has to be included in the party. If she would rather find somewhere else she can.

I cant believe how cheeky she is!

Hi OP , after reading your post there could be another issue with you allowing this party to proceed, if one of the children hurt themselves you could be liable. If her kid gets hurt she sounds like the type who would sue…might be one way of getting out of the party. She sounds like a complete wagon!!! Best stay clear . Gosh you sound like a really lovely person to consider doing this for her.

Indeed. At that age all of my parties were at home (we had quite a bit of space). I didn't really want my younger sisters there, but realised I couldn't be playing party games and eating party food and cake in what was their house too while they stayed upstairs.

Of course it worked both ways until I was old enough to knack off for the afternoon.

I’m massively over invested. Please update!

Wtf how can anyone think this is normal or acceptable? I usually try to see the other perspective, no matter how irrational it may seem to me, but I’m really struggling with this one!

Yes, thinking back to my 8 year old self who wanted to be included, I would have found this so Upsetting!

How many kids & how many adults. If you have an annexe there’s probably only one loo? Can it cope?

Never ever say to anybody that they can use your facilities anytime. They’ll take you at your word & arrive in hordes. You could have your garden over run for the summer.

id also be worried about public liability

Hi CF in light of your email our facilities are no longer available. Best regards

What about the repercussions for your son that his mother didn't advocate for him?

Please check your insurance OP as you could be liable if a child hurts themselves.

I am wondering if friends son has possibly highlighted that he is friends with OP's son at the activity but not really friends away from it. Thats not unheard of and understandable.

Maybe he has told his mum he doesnt want OP's DS at the party.

I have assumed DS and birthday boy were friends (shared club, play date etc) but, there is also the possibility that they aren't friends- or that the friendship is one way.... And the CF party parent was making an excuse as to why DS wasn't invited (rather than birthday boy finds him annoying etc).

I mean it's possible. But if this was the case then CF party parent is definitely using you- at the expense of your son (and her own....).

This is absolutely fucking unbelievable!!!

Cancel, cancel, cancel

Oh if she grudgingly allows the son to attend, I'd be telling him to bring his A game. But really you need to back him and cancel.

I would say…

Hi Sarah, please rest assured no one will assume it’s Jack’s birthday, all the attention will be on your Oliver. Maybe bring a big banner with Oliver’s name on in case there is any doubt. Forecast is glorious for Saturday so I can’t keep Jack locked up in the house while a party is happening in his own garden. I’ve told him it’s Oliver’s day, so he knows that Oliver is star of the show.

Looking forward to it. Xx

I loved this response.

And although my knee-jerk reaction would be - as so many on here have said - to cancel, I understand your worry about it impacting on your son. One poster (sorry, can't find it now) suggested a response which implied you'd spoken to other parents. That's clever, I think, as it means CF mum can't then spread lies about your family.

But I note a few posters suggesting that if your son is there she might be unkind to him, and that would be awful too.

So as well as using @Tooshytoshine's brilliant suggestion I'd also say that you'll have a word with your child and ask him not to go all out to shine on the day.

I also agree with the poster putting clear start and end times on the event.

And tell her she’ll need to get insurance because yours doesn’t cover it if you are not there.

Well no, it is quite an odd thing to offer though, unless you are really close friends and often do things together. I wonder if DH mouth ran away with him and he spoke without really thinking.

Also as other posters have said, surely they would be having to use your house for the toilet plus there is also the issue of anyone getting hurt, damage to your equipment, general safety, parking/upsetting other residents if loads of kids turn up and nosy neighbours questioning if you are running a business.

Hosting your own child's party at home is one thing but I think it is actually quite risky when it's not your own home and having lots of random families turn up.