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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS(8) not invited to party

562 replies

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:01

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

OP posts:
IAmNotASheep · 09/04/2025 16:48

I think you should pull the offer.

Its very weird to have a party going on in your garden for kids and your kids have to stay inside.
The mums attitude that your DS will be better at the sport than her kids says it all really

JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 09/04/2025 16:48

If she's enough of an arse to exclude an 8 year old from a party in his own garden, I'd not be surprised if she held you accountable for any accidents that occur and that she definitely won't be coughing up for breakages or cleaning. Can you imagine what your bathroom in the annexe will look like after a hoard of overexcited kids stampede in and out? You think she will be cleaning that?! You are basically funding her party. She's using your facilities, your equipment, your annexe for catering and bathroom. Don't be bonkers -call it off before it ends up an absolute shit storm.

Trickabrick · 09/04/2025 16:48

There is absolutely NO way I would tolerate this. I’d be saying “I understand you are keen that your son has a great time at his birthday party. Unfortunately I won’t allow that to be at the expense of my son who will be gutted he’s not considered welcome at a party being hosted at his own house by someone he considers a friend. In the circumstances, it’s best you find another venue for his party”.

lunar1 · 09/04/2025 16:43

Just cancel, I wouldn’t want such an awful woman near my home anyway.

takealettermsjones · 09/04/2025 16:43

Wow. Just when you think you've seen the worst CFs Mumsnet has to offer!

Tell her the party's off. Cheeky cow.

Lucelady · 09/04/2025 16:43

If you and your son aren't there you could have a problem if someone was injured. It could be considered you hired your garden and you should have public liability insurance.
If the cf is not inviting a little boy of 8 she's a nasty piece of work.
I just tell her you can't leave her alone for insurance reasons. Safety and all that. Blame your DH or a nosy legal friend but no invite, no party.

Mirandawrongs · 09/04/2025 16:43

I would send her a text asking her to repeat what you said.

“hi bitchface,
can you just repeat to me what you said about the party please?
I’m pretty sure I didn’t understand what you were saying.
I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings this close to the party.
can you reply to this message please?
OP”

only talk on text WhatsApp so you have proof when flying monkeys ask questions.
she’s an absolute sham

YesHonestly · 09/04/2025 16:39

“I’m sorry Alice, I must have misread your text. It sounded like you want to take advantage of our hospitality, use our home and garden, borrow DH’s equipment but tell our child that he is not invited and to stay in his room while the party is in progress. Can you clarify that’s what you are asking please?”

If she doubles down, I’d be cancelling and I’d be telling everyone exactly why. How dare she?

1apenny2apenny · 09/04/2025 16:39

She wins the CF award for this month.

Anyway can you just say oh it’s honestly not a problem I’ve briefed DS and made sure he understands that it’s your DSs day. I would also in a lighthearted way (but obvs very serious) say that you couldn’t possibly have a party for a friend at your house where DS wasn’t there. Make it VERY clear that your DS will be attending. Be casual and see if it forces her to agree with you or if she doubles down.

I don’t get what she thinks will happen - is she expecting you and your DS or vacate your house? Or that DS will stay in his room?! She’s nuts!

godmum56 · 09/04/2025 16:36

Umm.
1.Who is supervising the use of the equpment and are you covered by insurance for it being used in those circumstances?
2.I agree that it takes CFery to a whole new level
3.Id make sure to be around to make sure that your child is treated kindly
actually fuck it, I'd cancel.

diddl · 09/04/2025 16:36

If she invites your son to keep the agreement-that's not good.

Why would son lose friends if rescind?

Lassango · 09/04/2025 16:35

'Sorry I thought that this was a friendly agreement rather than a business arrangement. The cost of ground and equipment hire for the party will be £100'

MounjaroOnMyMind · 09/04/2025 16:34

If you pull out now then she will invite your son - but that's not what you should accept.

MrsMitford3 · 09/04/2025 16:33

CorvusPurpureus · 09/04/2025 16:14

'Hi Sarah - we were offering as friends to host Oliver's party in our garden so the equipment could be used.

If you'd said from the outset that you wanted to hire our garden & equipment as an exclusive venue, we would have declined then as that requires public liability insurance & obviously commercial hire rates, & that's never been an avenue we've wanted to pursue - we built the <whatever> for friends & family to enjoy, not to monetise. Too much hassle by far!

So we're obviously at cross purposes here & can't go ahead. Hope you find a great venue & Oliver has a fabulous birthday!'

& STICK.TO.IT. A pity invite would be awful at this stage.

this is perfect!

Mama1980 · 09/04/2025 16:32

This is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard! Just say no at this point.

Delphiniumandlupins · 09/04/2025 16:32

I think I would have laughed in her face! Any friendship you had with her is lost now so just decide what will be best for your DS.

If part of her reasoning is that your DS won't know many of the other kids how will those children know that the venue is his garden? Why would they think it's his party, rather than the boy who invited them? If she had said she wanted to pay to hire your facilities and equipment, to keep things on a business basis, then she could have covered up the fact that she's just concerned her little darling isn't going to be the best at the activity.

Purplecatshopaholic · 09/04/2025 16:31

Just when I thought people couldn’t get entitled if they try, lol. So she expects DS to not attend a party in his own garden? Actual lol and..🤯

ThanksItHasPockets · 09/04/2025 16:31

I can see multiple people have suggested citing insurance as an excuse but I think this may be a genuine reason why you should not go ahead (this woman's breathtaking CFery aside). If a child had an accident on your equipment it could be absolutely ruinous.

meercat23 · 09/04/2025 16:30

Does she seriously expect your son to sit inside the house looking out of the window at others having a party, to which he is not invited, in his garden, using his equipment. In what world would this e even remotely reasonable?

AffableApple · 09/04/2025 16:29

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:19

I can definitely see the idea of cancelling as appealing and I will try and avoid future involvement with this women

But DS is friends with this boy and they do a club together, If we cancelled at short notice it would obviously be spread around that we are horrible and ds might loose friends. Also it’s not her DS’s fault really.

Whatever you do, she's going to slag you off. That's just a given now. But this way she won't be using your facilities as well. Cancel.

If you need an out, say you looked into her using them without you there (as your family isnt invited), and it's not possible insurance-wise. If you have to. Personally I'd be reading her the riot act.

Happyhettie · 09/04/2025 16:28

That is utterly ridiculous! Nothing useful to add to the suggestions but I would cancel due to the audacity of her.

I’d not be happy with the thought of people using my garden, equipment etc when I wasn’t there (as you obviously won’t be at home due to your son not being invited!) so there’s that as well as her being incredibly rude AND insurance wise is it iffy? Don’t know what the equipment is or if safety things are needed but that’s another major concern.

MounjaroOnMyMind · 09/04/2025 16:27

"Oh I didn't realise you didn't intend to invite my son. Obviously he's not going to want to spend all day locked up in the house, watching his friend have a party in our garden, so I'm afraid the offer's off now."

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 09/04/2025 16:26

CorvusPurpureus · 09/04/2025 16:14

'Hi Sarah - we were offering as friends to host Oliver's party in our garden so the equipment could be used.

If you'd said from the outset that you wanted to hire our garden & equipment as an exclusive venue, we would have declined then as that requires public liability insurance & obviously commercial hire rates, & that's never been an avenue we've wanted to pursue - we built the <whatever> for friends & family to enjoy, not to monetise. Too much hassle by far!

So we're obviously at cross purposes here & can't go ahead. Hope you find a great venue & Oliver has a fabulous birthday!'

& STICK.TO.IT. A pity invite would be awful at this stage.

This

Otherwise she will turn round and say "well it's a bit bloody late to suddenly remember you need insurance "

But push the "friend" not " private function" as if you even had an inkling that she'd push your family out then it would've been a hard NO from the start

Mumof2girls2121 · 09/04/2025 16:26

Rescind the offer - that’s a joke !

JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 09/04/2025 16:23

Imagine having the front to not only use someone else's facilities-for free- but to ask them not to attend an event in their own garden. It baffles me that these people exist.
Personally, I'd cancel and be honest about why. Say that you don't think it would be fair to exclude your son considering that they are using his garden and equipment for free, and that you are shocked that she would even suggest he wouldn't attend. In light of that, you feel the best option is that she find another location. So what if she has to rearrange things. That's what you get for being a rude shitbag.