DS(8) not invited to party

If you've not responded yet, I'd be tempted to pretend it's all a joke.

"HA, you almost had me there! Can you imagine, DS sitting inside, watching a party in his own garden through the window?! So funny. I bet X is so excited, we're all looking forward to it. See you on Saturday."

I think it’s fine to say “this isn’t going to work for us. Ds is aware of the party of his friend, it’s using his house and garden, and actually unkind. We were happy to do this favour for his friend, but we’re not a free meal ticket, at the cost of making him sad”
Done.

This is the time for a favourite mumsnet expression - "sorry that doesnt work for us" followed by "good luck in finding another venue."

Tbh I'd be tempted to tell her you're going to ignore her message and ds will be turning up with a gift. If she wants to kick him out of his own garden in front of everyone then she'll have to do that, but youre likely to have an unexpected power cut or water supply outage and have to end the party. Of course, were that to happen she'd be entitled to a full refund of what she's paid you.

Christ, the audacity!!

100% agree with this

Just state as it’s at your home of course ds will be there. If this is suitable for you then you will need to find an alternative. I would be blunt!

The more I think about this the more angry I get!

Who gives a shit if she tells everyone you cancelled the party at short notice? When they ask her why, she’ll either have to lie or tell them she wanted to use all of your things, have the party in your garden but not invite your son. She comes off badly in this, not you.

I can’t believe she has said this - honestly think you would be better off cancelling. I certainly wouldn’t have my child watching them from the window! Also, If one of the children hurts themselves, it’s your insurance etc.

"If you'd said from the outset that you wanted to hire our garden & equipment as an exclusive venue, we would have declined then as that requires public liability insurance & obviously commercial hire rates, & that's never been an avenue we've wanted to pursue ...
So we're obviously at cross purposes here & can't go ahead. Hope you find a great venue & Oliver has a fabulous birthday!'

Perfect

I'm another who was going to say it's a bit late to start blaming insurance now, but actually it's relevant because she's completely changed the goalposts

Wow the absolute nerve of some people!
It was cheeky in the first place for her to hint about having the party at your place, but this takes the biscuit.

No way I'd allow this to happen. How very rude!

It probably let her hold the party, and then have DS look/hang out the window and wave to friends and loudly inform all the children and parents that ‘oh they uninvited DS because he’s too good at XYZ’ and make sure everyone and their uncle knows that DS was uninvited and you’ve not charged them anything. If it’s not a drop off party make sure you’re mingling with the parents you know and let them know, all while DS is looking on. But I can be super petty when I want to be.

on a more serious note I’d probably just let DS turn up, invited or not- it’s his bloody garden!

‘Our son is old enough to have understood that we were hosting your DC’s birthday party here in our garden simply for the use of the sport facilities, but that you were inviting and hosting the children with the refreshments, games etc. He knows not to seek out attention for himself being fully aware of when his own birthday is. He knows how to be a good guest and he’s also helpful and kind -and gets on well with other children his own age. However, unless I have misunderstood, it seems he is no longer welcome at the party. Having thought about it we have decided it’s best to explain to our son, that you have found other premises on another date. We aren’t prepared to upset our son, by making him stay indoors, unwelcome to join in, nor to make him feel he has been in any way uninvited/left out.
Thank you for your understanding and best wishes for your son’s birthday’.

I think she will then say ‘sorry for the misunderstanding, of course you son will be receiving an invitation’ and you can carry on as before.

That woman has just reached new levels of cheeky fuckery, I would also be telling her ( in the nicest possible way) that the invite has be rescinded, what does she expect the OPs son to do…..stay inside and look out the window at a party that he is not invited to happen in his own back garden!!!!

Dear CF mum,

Sorry I didn’t get back to you re your message about x’s ( sports name) party that we agreed could be held free of charge in our garden using our equipment and the annexe for food prep/ toilet facilities etc. To be honest I didn’t know quite what to say in response. I have thought it over, and while I considered for a while telling you that the invitation had been rescinded I think that cancelling the party would not be fair to x. But then again, holding a party in his back garden and telling him he can’t attend is not fair to Y -who incidentally assumes he has been invited, something I assumed too. You can, I hope ,see my dilemma. So I am throwing the ball back into your court, it is your decision as to whether the party goes ahead, with Y as a fully invited guest.

best wishes

I liked one of the early suggested replies:
"Seeing as I don't want ds to have to stay away from his own garden, you don't want him there, and I wouldn't want him invited merely to use our venue, I have no choice but to rescind the offer."

Totally get that your ds is excited, so do something else exciting with him, take him and his closest friend out for something of his choice. As for it causing friendship problems, it doesn't sound like they're mega close anyway? And if they are, then they'll get over it.

Has she paid you for hosting? If not it's even more CF of the highest order.

Tell her that your shocked and hurt that dh is banned/is rescinded from coming to a party in is own house and that, for this reason, they should find another venue.

She is no friend just an entitled user.

I love this answer!
In reality I'd probably say that she was being ridiculous as it's your house and property and as a member of the household, your DS will be attending.

"Sorry, are you actually suggesting my son be uninvited from a party held at his own house, purely because he is already good at the sport? You are benefitting from our family's equipment and facilities purely because we do this sport so I am gobsmacked that you would then use that as a reason to have our son only able to watch his friend's party from inside. There's obviously been a miscommunication in terms of expectations here. You are not unreasonable to want to choose who to invite to your son's birthday party, but you should have decided that before you expressed an interest in using our home to host it."

This
100%

Are you insured OP ?

I just think it might be easier for (DS) if he was reluctantly invited but didn’t know that than if we cancelled the whole thing last minute because he wasn’t wanted there

But if this mum's spiteful enough to want to exclude him for no better reason than him "taking the shine off" her DS's party and guests thinking it's his, what's to say she won't be unpleasant to him if he attends?

At eight the others won't care anyway - they already know who the birthday boy is and will just be excited to be there - so this is coming purely from the mum and frankly I'd hesitate to expose my DS to this kind of thing

That’s really cheeky and weird! In her shoes I’d maybe not have formally invited as the party is IN HIS HOME but would never dream of saying a child wasn’t welcome to join a party being hosted in his bloody home. Make her pay standard party place prices if she’s going to dictate. CF

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come

So she hasn't said that he can't be there?

But you now know he's not welcome.

So you surely have to cancel it?

When I saw the title I assumed it was a thread where kids need to learn they can't be invited to everything etc etc.

But fuck me sideways, I think this might be the most CF of all time!