DS(8) not invited to party

And this awful woman gets exactly what she wants, i.e. the use of OP's garden and equipment without OP's son.

You'd have to be some sort of martyr to bend over backwards to accommodate this cheeky fucker's completely unreasonable request.

This.

The scenario is really astounding @idontunderstandwhy
I think I'd approach it like this:
I was taken aback and at a loss for words when you said my son won't be welcome to your son's party at our home. Since the boys are friends this is too problematic and you'll have to find a venue for your party now. Sorry for any difficulty, but thanks for understanding.
Simple, but straightforward. No drama.

And, if your garden set-up is that great for the sport consider getting a licence and making a business of it. 💡

Best answer. 100% this.

Absolutely no way would my DC be watching someone else's party in our own garden! F that.

This!
What a cheek?!

I would tell her that you have been advised by a ‘legal’ friend that you would need public liability insurance to host this event and so therefore you regrettably have to withdraw the offer.

This woman is right up there with the legendary Mumsnet cheeky fuckers like Mexican House Thief.

How on earth does anyone have the brass neck to expect to use the sporting equipment in the garden of one of her son's friends for her son's birthday party but brazenly says that she won't be inviting her son's friend? It really beggers belief.

My first instinct would be to tell her to fuck off and take her poxy party elsewhere but I can understand that OP doesn't want the fall out. However, OP must insist that her son is invited and if the CF refuses, OP should rescind the offer of using her equipment and garden.

This is so cheeky I had to reread it twice to check I wasn’t hallucinating. So let me get this straight… she wants to throw her child’s party in YOUR garden, using YOUR equipment, and YOUR husband’s offer of help — but YOUR son, who actually lives there, is supposed to vanish into thin air so her son can have his moment? Sorry, what planet is she on and how do we send her back? Honestly, the audacity is practically athletic. Your DS should absolutely be there — if anything, he should get a slice of the cake just for allowing it all to happen on his turf!

I would ask her to pay. As she would
for any other similar event. Seeing that her excuse was not finding a place. If she cancels it is on her.

There was a similar post a couple of years ago, Poster had a nice garden which CF wanted to use for a party. Poster asked CF what time was party starting only to be told she and her husband weren't invited. Either your DS goes or the party is off.

This is madness. (I hope this isn't for real).

There are huge implications for your home insurance if she holds the party in your garden and you are not there supervising. If a child is hurt and sues, you could face a huge liability if your insurance does not cover you.

this

Everytime I come on this site I read somethings that absolutely blows my mind. Is this really how some people are, I cannot imagine anyone I know behaving in such a awful way.

@TommyJoesMummy that’s perfect. I personally (‘cos I hate being shat on by CFs) would actually send something like this. I’d just add a liability clause (in that CF and not the OP will be liable for any and all damage and injuries sustained during the period of the booking).

The ball is then in her court re having to find an alternative venue.

You forgot about parking charges!

Our neighbours Ken and Deidre have agreed to facilitate parking at a reasonable charge of £15.00 per vehicle for the afternoon. There is no on street parking available for non residents.

"Naturally, as we had kindly offered to hold your child's party in our garden our son would of course be invited. It's shocking that you feel he should excluded.
Our garden is no longer available."
And when she changes her mind and says he can come, nope sorry. Definitely not.
It's her problem that it is very soon. She made this issue!

I just want to quote @anon4net’s earlier post:

Just read your update, please please do not make your son a doormat to keep in good favour. There are many instances as a parent that you need to stand firm with others. This is one.Themessage to your son if you don't, is terrible. He deserves friends, not to be used by people who take what they want from him and disregard him when they've got what they want

This is really important. In your shoes, I would say - “ah - crossed wires. On that basis, DS will need to be here in his own house and garden, so I’m afraid you’ll need to find somewhere else. Hope your son has a super day wherever it is!”.

Do not let these people treat you - and, more importantly, your son, like this.

You could always go the whole hog?
£400 for the venue and £150 for equipment, plus £100 deposit! Or other appropriate numbers depending on what parties cost in your area and the cost of what she’s going to be using. 🤪
“Dear Tracey,
Please see below invoice for the use of our back garden and facilities on such date.
Bank details are at the bottom, to be paid in full by this Friday to avoid cancellation.
Please also see our newly made up terms of use, this includes all of your responsibilities and the deposit amount for the equipment. This will be returned after everything has been checked after the party.
Photos/videos will be taken before and after.
Take your rubbish home with you in a black bin liner at the end. The times are from ? to ? only.
We recommend giving yourself enough time to set up/clean down.
My husband and I will be supervising as DS has plans that day now, because we aren’t spiteful to children, like some people…
Any unruly behaviour will cause the person/s responsible to be removed offsite immediately and they will have to be waited with by a responsible adult from the party until their parents can collect them.
This also goes for adults who behave in a way we deem unfit. There will be no money back for this.
Thanks for choosing to “rent” from us. You are the first person to choose to use us in a business-type manner by excluding our own DS.”
She’s a knobhead.

Oh my goodness.
How could she do that? Surely you or DH will need to be on hand to supervise the use of the equipment so DS will have to come (depending on DS’s age).

I do understand you wanting to protect DS with his friends. Could the annexe have a burst pipe or the equipment be damaged?

You can't host this party if your DS is not invited. If I was him and saw what was happening, I'd wonder why I was not good enough to attend.

I see your reasoning OP and agree. Too many undesirable consequences from canceling the party and they’ll fall squarely on DS, who has had no say in it.

A message along the lines of “Look, X, that’s pretty horrible. You can’t have a party in our garden for little X without inviting DS.” Only cancel if she still insists DS can’t come.

And then keep your distance from X in the future.

Depending on what you think the other mothers you are friends with are like, I would consider mentioning the debacle to some of them so that if X blows things up in the future, you have people who already know what the deal is. You do have to weigh that against the possibility they then blow things up and cause a rift of some sort.

You can either sit in your house feeling like complete mug and watching your own son be ostracised from a social event or you can tell this absolute cow to fcuk off. I know which I’d be doing.

I cannot believe the absolute cheek of some people. That's cruel.

How can they possibly think that it is OK to leave your DS out in his own house??? Wow.

I think I would just say "to be honest, I'm completely shocked you would want to leave my son out in his own home and common decency should dictate that that would be unacceptable to us. I think on that basis it's best you find another venue"

I would tell DS about the CF and simply say sometimes in life you need to stand up for yourself when people take advantage.

Oh no, how horrid.

Who even thinks that would fly when your allowing her use if the garden.

Agree to this as a start

Haha very funny xxx April Fools Day was 10 days ago haha

Then wait to see what she says and if she comes back and says more about DS not being invited use the mumsnet classic- that doesn’t work for me