DS(8) not invited to party

"But DS is friends with this boy and they do a club together"

Please please cancel the party. They do not see your DS as a friend. I hope they are ashamed.

I'd make it clear that your son remains included in the party, as you naturally expected that was never even an issue under the circumstances, or she finds someone else to have it.

No middle ground here.

Agree that you need to rescind.

I'd give a breezy 'It sounds like this isn't going to work out for everyone, is it? It's obviously unfair for us to have to send DC away from/keep him inside his own home while there is a party going on outside. Best if you find a different venue, I think. I'll ask DH to forward you alternatives, if he can think of any local. Thanks'.

And block the blatantly cheeky bitch.

My guess is 🎾

Bloody cheek! You can tell her that the offer is off if it means excluding your son from his own HOME.

I bet she expects the OP's husband to supervise the sport.

I imagine it’s just the Mum thinking this. Kids are kids and wouldn’t give a second thought about whether their mate is better than them. They just want to run around and have fun with their friends. Even better if you’re having your party in your mate’s super cool garden!
OP this is so shitty. I would let the party go ahead, but tell her that you can’t accept your son not being there. This was a goodwill gesture and your son is friends with the birthday boy - he would feel incredibly hurt if he knew he wasn’t invited and it would be unfair to have to take him out or keep him inside whilst his friends are having a whale of a time in his back garden.
after this, I see three options:
If she tries to argue, she’s burned all bridges and you must cancel the party.
If she realises she’s been a dick you may be able to move past and carry on as before.
If the reaction is anything other than a grovelling apology, you let the party go ahead but maintain a nothing but civil relationship from now on.
You can rest assured that you have the moral high ground here. Enjoy the view!
Edited to add: had a situation recently where we had a falling out with a family that we usually share birthday parties with. There are a few families, and to try to avoid drama, we just said that we were not having a big party this year so we wouldn’t be participating in the usual joint party. The other kids had a party but for some reason didn’t invite invite our DC, even though they are besties. DC only realised they hadn’t been invited when half the class were talking about the party the following week at school and was absolutely distraught. Don’t put your son through that!

Is it CF only or her son as well who don’t want your son at a party hosted in his own home? You say you want to preserve the boys’ friendship and not make things difficult for your son in the future, but surely this relationship is now dead in the water? Either way, a forced invite or cancelling the party and coming up with an excuse to your son is going to lead to awkwardness and bad feeling whichever way it goes.

This wording is good although
I might change it to you are hurt and upset.

Dear CF, sorry for the radio silence as I was honestly very taken aback by your message and needed to think how to reply. You cannot honestly think that we could expect son to be locked in the house whilst his friends had a party in his own garden with his own equipment? This will not be possible. Please let me know how you would like to proceed.

Now this is another good response!

I wouldn’t cancel on her, though.

Why not? Genuinely don’t understand why you’d let someone behave in such an egregious manner and still benefit from your generosity. She’s cancelled on the OP’s son, who was fully expecting to go to the party…..

YANBU at all.

Her reasons are awful. IMHO she needs to teach her DS a little humility. And presumably you’ll have a word with your DS not to lord it up, given he’s ace at the sport and it’s at his home. So she needn’t worry on that score.

Agree, you should tell her that you offered on the basis that your DS is his friend and you assumed he’d be included, rather than having to watch his friend’s party from a window of his home. What was she thinking!

I wouldn’t cancel on her, though. But as she doesn’t sound at all reasonable, thoughtful or friendly, maybe send a friendly email to ask her to confirm that she’ll (obviously) be fully responsible for any injuries, kids who wander off, missing items etc. Just to cover your arse on the slim chance anything terrible happens.

"It's a shame you think my son would make yours feel inadequate by being at the party. I hope you manage to find a venue."

You really cannot take your son out and let her continue as planned. What example is that setting to him?!

You don’t have to be rude, but you do need to be firm. I’m sorry OP but you really do need to challenge this appalling, entitled behaviour. Do not keep the peace for the sake of a fake friendship between the boys.

Yes this is excellent, gives her the choice

That's awful.

However I agree with OP, I wouldn't cancel at short notice due to possible repercussions for your DS. I'd make it clear that DS needs to be there if it is to go ahead (as it's his flipping house/garden!), then let it go ahead.

Then have as little as possible to do with her from then on.

Can you not message her and say yes I totally see where your coming from my child is very good at the sport I wouldn't want your child to feel rubbish on their birthday, obviously it wouldn't be fair for you to have the party and my son not attend as it is in his house so do let me know if you would rather find another venue

”Hi X, it won’t be possible to host a child’s party, who is also DS’s friend, here without DS attending, sorry.’

I don t think UP owes th is cheeky bitch any politeness to be perfectly honest.

I know it's not the point but I really want to know what the sport is 😆

I was taken aback and at a loss for words when you said my son won't be welcome to your son's party at our home. Since the boys are friends this is too problematic and you'll have to find a venue for your party now. Sorry for any difficulty, but thanks for understanding.

Good response from @Mumtobabyhavoc here - it’s direct but polite and firm.

This is legendary level of cheeky fuckery. Absolutely unbelievable, the audacity.
Offer should be withdrawn forthwith. Your poor son (and you). Who does this woman think she is?!

So this cheeky cow thinks she should use your garden and sports facilities, your annex for food and bathrooms and you'll all go out and leave them to it. This is cheeky fuckery on a grand scale Op, this is prize winning sheer front. All because she doesn't want your DS to show hers up by being better.

Just say I'm not going for that my Son being left out in his own home end of story. He's either invited or you find another family of mugs cause you won't find any here!