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Original poster

18 year old son driving me to depression

214 replies

YawnSoTired · 09/04/2025 13:46

He left school last summer. No joy finding a job. No friends, doesn't leave house. Doesnt think to do anything in house unless asked to. Can't find any courses he's interested in. Literally has no interest in doing anything. Has piled weight on. I have no idea what to do. He isn't depressed. What do I do kick him out?

OP posts:
Comedycook · 09/04/2025 14:19

What are his A-levels in?

Crazyworldmum · 09/04/2025 14:19

Cut his luxuries as access to internet and a mobile phone . Sorry if there is no reason for him to not work or study then he mends a kick up his backside

Comedycook · 09/04/2025 14:18

YawnSoTired · 09/04/2025 14:17

Maybe you could advise on a suitable course for someone who has no idea what they want to do. He is academic.

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You know him best op ...if he's academic then perhaps a practical type course wouldn't be suitable. Maybe he should look into going to uni? Was it discussed during his A-levels?

Original poster
YawnSoTired · 09/04/2025 14:18

EternalSunshine25 · 09/04/2025 14:11

Why not uni if he did well at A level and he doesn’t know what to do and he can’t get a job anyway?

To do what course?

OP posts:
Original poster
YawnSoTired · 09/04/2025 14:17

Comedycook · 09/04/2025 14:12

Don't do his washing or cook for him. He is an adult with all the time in the world.

Is he academic or practical? Why didn't he go to uni after A-levels? Would a practical, vocational college course suit him better?

Maybe you could advise on a suitable course for someone who has no idea what they want to do. He is academic.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 09/04/2025 14:15

FunnysInLaJardin · 09/04/2025 14:14

presumably because she is his mother and cares about him?

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Yes but sometimes tough love is needed. At the moment, doing these things for him is enabling him and is not in his best interests.

FunnysInLaJardin · 09/04/2025 14:14

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 09/04/2025 14:01

Yes I feed him, do his washing,

Why?

presumably because she is his mother and cares about him?

Comedycook · 09/04/2025 14:12

Don't do his washing or cook for him. He is an adult with all the time in the world.

Is he academic or practical? Why didn't he go to uni after A-levels? Would a practical, vocational college course suit him better?

EternalSunshine25 · 09/04/2025 14:11

Why not uni if he did well at A level and he doesn’t know what to do and he can’t get a job anyway?

Springhassprungthesunisout · 09/04/2025 14:10

He could volunteer or do something like dogwalking - anything to get him off screens and out interacting with real people or exercising. Apply for an apprenticeship. What does he want to do?
Gaming all day and night is wasting his life away in a parallel universe.

EternalSunshine25 · 09/04/2025 14:09

Did he get any guidance from school after he
did A levels? If he did well I would have thought the obvious next step would be uni. Why hasn’t he pursued that? Does he need support and discussion around what he wants to do in life?

Also like a pp said he could apply for universal credit and he would be encouraged to get a job. I know a young person in this situation where two interviews were arranged and she got both jobs and is doing very well now.

Original poster
YawnSoTired · 09/04/2025 14:07

sproutsandparsnips · 09/04/2025 14:05

Did he have plans when he was doing his A Levels? And then dropped them? Or never had any plans at all?

He's never had firm plans. Always said he would find a job first when he left school then think about what he wanted to do. He doesn't know yet what he wants to do. Applies for jobs and hears nothing back. Can't see anything at college he wants to do.

OP posts:
sproutsandparsnips · 09/04/2025 14:05

Did he have plans when he was doing his A Levels? And then dropped them? Or never had any plans at all?

Original poster
YawnSoTired · 09/04/2025 14:04

wordywitch · 09/04/2025 13:54

I wouldn’t kick him out, assuming he has nowhere else to go. Making him homeless is hardly going to help his mental state.

What does he say when you talk to him about this? My daughter sounds a little similar - not knowing what she wants to do, not going out much, putting weight on - but she has always worked so at least has money and gets out of the house for a few hours a day. Her issue was social anxiety and a few years ago depression, though she’s doing much better now mentally.

Have a heart to heart with your son and tell him your concerns in a loving way and see what his response is. He might be feeling lost and need a bit of guidance, or he might need a bit of a kick up the bum. Either way, something has to change.

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
YawnSoTired · 09/04/2025 14:03

Astrak · 09/04/2025 13:51

Would he consider you both going to your GP practice for a consultation? I think that it's quite difficult to diagnose low mood/depression if you haven't either experienced it (I have, and have come out the other side with a mix of counselling, psychotherapy and medication). It took a lot of hard work.

I view it as rage turned inward.

Thank you for the kindness. Yes I will chat to him.

OP posts:
Original poster
YawnSoTired · 09/04/2025 14:02

Chungai · 09/04/2025 13:51

Does he spend a lot of time on his phone / screens?

Plays PlayStation

OP posts:
SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 09/04/2025 14:01

Yes I feed him, do his washing,

Why?

Original poster
YawnSoTired · 09/04/2025 14:01

EternalSunshine25 · 09/04/2025 13:49

What does he do for money?

He doesn't spend any. I buy food and toiletries. He has 6k in bank.

OP posts:
Original poster
YawnSoTired · 09/04/2025 14:00

LaPalmaLlama · 09/04/2025 13:49

What did he get in school? Did he get A-levels/ Btecs?

A levels done very well.

OP posts:
MellowPinkDeer · 09/04/2025 14:00

YawnSoTired · 09/04/2025 13:59

I don't give him money he has no need for any. He does have 6k inheritance. Yes I feed him, do his washing,

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It will take no time at all to spend £6k he needs a job and a kick up the bum!

Original poster
YawnSoTired · 09/04/2025 13:59

Dartmoorcheffy · 09/04/2025 13:49

Do you give him money? Wash his clothes? Feed him?

I would be telling him he gets a job and pays his way or he moves out.

I don't give him money he has no need for any. He does have 6k inheritance. Yes I feed him, do his washing,

OP posts:
ChickenJockey · 09/04/2025 13:58

Seriously what do you think will happen to him if you kick him out? That he’ll be able to afford private rented place at ££££’s? Miraculously find a job with a wage he can live on? Are you aware of the homeless epidemic in this Country? I volunteer in a homeless shelter and it’s not the place I’d want any 18 year old to be!

YesHonestly · 09/04/2025 13:58

He is depressed.

Don’t bloody kick him out, talk to him, help him!

steff13 · 09/04/2025 13:58

It sounds like he's depressed. Has he spoken to a doctor about it?

PaintDecisions · 09/04/2025 13:58

Get him signed on for Universal Credit. They can do the support he needs to get into work.

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