18 year old son driving me to depression

Have you looked at apprenticeships? Although technically you don’t need A levels for a lot of them, many employers do prefer candidates with some evidence of post-16 study.

Maybe come back when you actually have some experience of what it's like supporting a young person to launch in this economy and this world we're living in. Honestly. You can expect all you like, doesn't mean it will be possible.

Such a tricky time of life, especially I imagine with an older sibling who seemed to have a clear path. Some really good suggestions here, including starting with his interests and helping him research options. You sound like a lovely, caring mum OP and I'm sure it will all come good.

Get him to do 2 days volunteer work a week yo get work experience and an up to date reference.

He also could do to study something just to look busy at the local college if possible.

Could an undergraduate degree in Game Design, Computing or Games Development align with his interests? What A-Levels did he do? Many universities are having Open Days at the moment, could he go along to a few?

The choices he makes today will have a lasting impact.

I wouldn't have this, his playtime is over.

This is exactly what we did with our son. Over a year after he left school, he was working part time but had no direction and a distinct sense of apathy.

Asking someone "What course would you like to do?" is such an open ended question, especially for a teenager with little life experience.

When I asked my son that, he was adamant there wasn't one course in the whole of the country that he was interested in. We sat down looked at courses linked to where his interests are, and he got really excited about one. He's applied and is now heading off to university in September.

Good luck!

I would really suggest volunteering just one day a week something like a charity shop. My teen was very similar she just took longer to get used to the world i think. But one day a week was doable she did her own thing the other 6 days. After a while it just naturally increased to more out and about days and more confidence.

it sounds like he needs some hand holding to take the first steps.

You need to make his life a bit more difficult. You can’t just allow him to sit in his room gaming all day, being fed and having his clothes cleaned. He needs an ultimatum - 3 months to find a job/course he wants to do. You should also start charging rent - he needs to contribute towards household bills. He can use his savings for this, that will make him want to start earning pretty quickly!

Baffled as to how you’ve allowed this to happen. If he’s academic, why didn’t he go to uni?

I don’t think kicking him out will help him at all and if he isn’t being disrespectful etc I’m not sure why you would go down that route.
It sounds like he’s got himself stuck in a little bit of a rut, and the less he does, the less he will feel able to do.
I would definitely as someone else suggested get him to speak to his gp and see if there are some volunteering options around. Does he want to travel, start a hobby that doesn’t include gaming?
It sounds like he’s is applying for jobs but not hearing anything back will be really disheartening.
Volunteering for something will look great on his cv and give him a boost until he decides what to do, local to us we have a number of charities desperate for volunteers, including volunteers to list things on online selling sites/doing research on donations that have come in, which lots of younger people do as they are so IT savvy/ selling site aware.

Game development is not the best career choice. It's actually a brutal industry.

How about doing a CyberSecurity degree? It's a growth sector, has a well defined career path up to C-Level roles and pays well.

This sounds incredibly difficult for you but no, you definitely don't kick you son out when he needs you the most. He might legally be an adult but that doesn't give him an overnight ability to manage on his own if he's struggling.

What's led up to this? Failure to launch doesn't appear out of nowhere. There must have been something that's been brewing for a while and escalating gradually.

Has he struggled with mental health issues in the past? Trauma? ND? Social anxiety?

I agree with PP that a GP appointment would be a good first step. Focus on yourself also and see a counsellor if you can afford it.

If there a local career office you could try getting him there.

It what DD2 friend mother had to do in end for her eldest DD in exact same position.

Otherwise - what subjects is he interested in - any college course - any OU ones he could try - they do a few short ones and he could still look for work and do work round them.

Or perhaps he should look at volunteering so at least his CV looks more full

If he enjoys gaming would he like a career in game development? Do you think that might be of interest to him?

As he seems to have little motivation he might very well be depressed

I have two sons, they are 6 and 11. They make dinners and do their washing.. sort of with help. But at 18 I would fully expect them to be functioning independantly of me even if living at home.
My mum stopped doing my washing when I was about 14, stopped completely. Gave me a washing bin for my clothes and I could use the machines and washing powders
As for meals, he should be doing equal share of all cooking.
He should also contribute equally to the cleaning in the house
You should not buy treats, snacks or anything specifically for him, if he wanta stuff like that he should get a job, any job and then go from there.