18 year old son driving me to depression

This!

Just my thoughts
Sorry, Its a 2 way thing, if he does that he gets this and so on. That's the way life is for us all. It's just like training a puppy. Sorry but it's time for him to grow up.
It's amazing how quickly people respond when privileges just arn't there any more.
The alternative is that you just do everything for him for the rest of his/your life.
Having said all that I think before you do anything you should really make sure he isn't depressed.

He sounds very much depressed. Why do you think he isn’t?

I’m going to going to go against the grain here he’s not depressed this is just the youth of today. My son is 16 and I think although he wants to leave school he hasn’t got a hope in getting a job atm. So they think they can just sit around all day. I’ve told my son he will either get a job after gcse or he will be in college. There is no sitting here gaming whilst me and his sister are off out working and at school. Op turn the internet off, get him to a gym and help him get a job. Don’t give him any money or wash his clothes .!

My aunt told my cousin if he couldn’t find a job in 6 months he would be doing teacher training (stable money, career, contributing to society etc) He's head of English now and really a great teacher. She supported him through teacher training and he met his wife at his first school.
Would an ultimatum work?

How about starting with the end point rather than the course.

So where does he want to live? City, rural etc.
What type of environment does he see himself in? Outdoors, office, computer based etc.

Does he want something more vocational with a defined career path e.g. physiotherapy or for interest in a subject and decide on the next bit later.

I think many people don't really know and fall into things. But you have to take a first step.

Sometimes doing something we don't like is the best way to see what we don't want and then to narrow down options. But he has to do something. Too long like this and it is very hard to get out

100% agree with this, he'll be heading down the Andrew Tate incel route in a couple of years and be blaming women for not finding him attractive.

Yes, get him to the GP.

Agree, tough love is needed - encouragement but firmness too.

Unsure where you live but where I am there are LOADS of training courses free for those under 19 (unsure where the funding is from ) in security, construction etc.
Is an apprenticeship an option ?
A visit to the job centre would be a good option - he will be allocated a work coach and perhaps get CV help etc.
I think his age group is one that UC will soon be affected by with the changes coming up (I may be wrong !)

Sometimes it's hardest to start from a blank page. 'What do you want to do?' is such a big question. There could be lots of possible answers.

Instead, look at it the opposite way - what would you definitely NOT want to do. This can bring up a lot of things and you can then spot patterns in them.

Also, he could try taking a quick careers test like this and see what options it suggests. Again, try to spot the pattern in the results it suggests rather than getting fixated on particular job titles https://www.mynextmove.org/explore/ip

It's also worth thinking outside the tech/gaming box OP. Your son is gaming because it's addictive/easy/low-effort/no-contact. A lot of lonely/depressed kids find themselves gaming in their rooms - not necessarily because this is their 'thing' but because it's a step up from doom-scrolling but completely un-confronting.

I think you should also encourage him to think outside of that path - what did he like doing as a kid? There is often great value in recalling the things that made you happy when you were younger and seeing if there is anything that draws on the kinds of hobbies you had before you were following the crowd. How about something like Camp America? He will get to travel/meet other people his age who don't know him or anything about him/ mentor younger kids and it looks great on a CV.

Or might he be interested in a military career? One of DS friends did the open day at Sandhurst recently and if you are bright, there are some fantastic opportunities that go way beyond being a soldier.

Good luck (and no, don't chuck him out!)

Absolutely do not kick him out!
He needs you for whatever reason. You need to work it out.

Gosh, you don't know this lad. No wonder there is such a high suicide rate amongst young men with people reacting with zero insight or empathy like this.

As someone who has had such experience ( youngest is 21) the PP has perfectly valid points.

Life skills should be taught from much earlier.

I agree with the others he may have depression, perhaps seek some help for this.

Also, when I was a teen and didn't know what career path to follow I did a lot of volunteering.

He can volunteer with charities such as Barnardo's, volunteer at youth clubs, TFL, a local farm - anything really as long as he is around people and away from screens.

This will help him figure it out; whatever it is he wants to do.

I also got a lot of paid jobs through volunteering as they always hire internally first.

I would also recommend teaching English abroad - he can do this as a volunteer or paid job.

I hope this helps a little x

Yes, I used to work for a Cybersecurity company (in a non-technical role) and it is definitely a growth area and well paid.

How long did it take you to get past this?
I'm hoping all is well with you now. 💐

Wise words.

University isn't about the course you do - it's about the university you go to.

If he's clever with good A-levels and gets into a good top 10 uni, he'll have good graduate job prospects regardless of what industry he decides to go into.

For example, I know multiple people who went to a redbrick uni and did a geography degree. One got a graduate role as a food buyer/taster for Sainsbury's, another is in a senior role in the civil service, another now works in law in the City.

Unless he's going into a vocational uni course like nursing/doctor/social work etc - he just needs to pick a subject he likes and go to a very good uni. Typically all the graduate roles get filled by people who go to the same 5-10 best universities, irrespective of what they study.

I agree. It can be so difficult and stressful.

He's old enough and obviously has enough free time to do his own washing. I wasn't doing laundry for any of mine at that age

That's good, he's out in the fresh air and doing a chore. He does sound depressed. You're not being a bad mum feeding him and doing his washing. Sometimes people with all the tough love talk have no idea.
If you can get him to do voluntary work, that would be great.
Perhaps suggest a visit to the GP, though.

He did well in his A levels. The stress of exams can be huge, especially for the age group affected by the covid lockdowns. You sound angry about the fact he has no friends etc, but he sounds depressed. Saying he's driving you to depression is very unfair - he may well be doing his best if he is depressed himself, and blaming him like that will only make him worse. Put him in charge of the family meals or washing - something that is completely his responsibility and praise him for the help. Encourage him to perhaps volunteer somewhere where he will meet other kids. Please stop blaming him for your emotions, men find it very hard to express their problems. Perhaps seeing a counselor may help?

Well imagine if us mothers decided to no longer function anymore and sit in a room and game our lives away when we have kids to raise.

the bar is so low for men. He's an 18 year old adult. Not many 18 year olds know what they want to do at that age but plenty of us get evening or weekend jobs to earn some money and not be spoon fed off our parents.

if a woman was posting this about her male partner the answers would be very different. If he's got enough motivation to be on the okay station all day, he can sit in front of a computer and apply for part time jobs.

Perhaps show him this. It's a link to MOOCS. Massive Open Online Courses in Game Development. They're short (cheap or free) taster courses run by universities. Great way to try out the idea of a gaming course without the anxiety he may get from a big commitment. It might just get him interested in something...

https://www.my-mooc.com/en/categorie/game-development

He sounds possobly depressed/anxious about the next stage of life.

Edited to say there are thousands of subjects to do a MOOC in so he could browse and find something new.

Hope your son never ends up like this.