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Original poster

Any psychologists out there? MiL’s birthday

39 replies

Notmotherofflowergirls · 09/04/2025 11:08

I am happily married to a really decent guy. He goes away occasionally maybe two or three times a year. He was also best man to his cousin a couple of years ago. I on the other hand go away a lot.

Admittedly I usually take our two girls with me but sometimes I don’t. I go with my mum, cousins, friends. He never, ever objects ever. If it’s not convenient for him either with work or a clash of some sorts he asks his mum.

Recap. Good guy , pulls his weight. Really generous. I go away a lot, he never ever objects.

Why am I beside myself with jealousy that he’s going away with his two sisters for his mother’s birthday? It is to a really good destination but it isn’t that that’s bothering me . I don’t know what is. I know I am unreasonable.

Can anyone elucidate for me?

OP posts:
greengreyblue · 09/04/2025 11:28

He goes away far less so you’re less impacted and now you’re feeling what it’s like for him more often. I guess it’s an unfamiliar feeling You have to suck it up .

Original poster
Notmotherofflowergirls · 09/04/2025 11:27

We could go to New York together (with a bit of saving) but I want to wait until the girls are a bit older. I don’t think it’s the location I am jealous of.

If the shoe was on the other foot he wouldn’t be in the least bit bothered.

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 09/04/2025 11:26

It's the destination probably. As you said somewhere you would love to go with him but he is going with them. And FOMO.

NY is fun but overrated if it helps!

Book somewhere nicer for you both to go to look forward to!

PleaseDontFingerMyPouffe · 09/04/2025 11:26

stanleypops66 · 09/04/2025 11:14

Is it because he’s spending time with other important females in his life? Does he ever take you away?

I would think it's this. Whats your relationship like with his mum and sisters?

5128gap · 09/04/2025 11:25

lazyarse123 · 09/04/2025 11:22

She goes away with her mum and cousins.
No idea why you feel like this but you need to get over it and not say anything.

Show quote history

Yes, I misread initially that she didn't. She is trying to get over it. Understanding the reasons for it is important to help her do that.

5128gap · 09/04/2025 11:23

Sorry just noticed you do go away with your family. Not jealousy then. I'd have said more possessiveness and/or feelings of exclusion.

lazyarse123 · 09/04/2025 11:22

5128gap · 09/04/2025 11:17

You're jealous that he has a family who do these things and you don't? It underlines that he has another family away from you? The trip sounds brilliant and you'd like to do it? Its the sort of thing you want him to experience with you, not anyone else?

She goes away with her mum and cousins.
No idea why you feel like this but you need to get over it and not say anything.

Original poster
Notmotherofflowergirls · 09/04/2025 11:22

I know I am unreasonable.

I am under no stress.

He isn’t invited when I go as it’s just women.

When I go away it’s because my cousin gets massive discounts… almost always in England with two ‘partners’ in France and Ireland.

We have holidays together with our girls and went away together for a wedding before Christmas,

They are going to New York where I never been but It’s not that.

Honestly I am not a jealous person but I can’t shake this off. I feel really pathetic.

OP posts:
5128gap · 09/04/2025 11:17

You're jealous that he has a family who do these things and you don't? It underlines that he has another family away from you? The trip sounds brilliant and you'd like to do it? Its the sort of thing you want him to experience with you, not anyone else?

Anonym00se · 09/04/2025 11:14

He gets the opportunity to go with you when you go, but the invitation hasn’t been extended to you when the shoe is on the other foot? You feel excluded maybe?

stanleypops66 · 09/04/2025 11:14

Is it because he’s spending time with other important females in his life? Does he ever take you away?

WimpoleHat · 09/04/2025 11:14

This will sound a bit harsh - for which I apologise! But are you one of those people who’s basically addicted to travelling? And you’re therefore jealous that he’s getting to do it while you’re left holding the fort (even if it is usually the other way round?). One of my parents is like this: quite literally can’t just be at home for any period of time. (Could give you any amount of cod psychology as to why that is, but I’m pretty sure that is what it is…)

TidyDancer · 09/04/2025 11:12

Are you particularly stressed or busy at the moment?

MoreChocPls · 09/04/2025 11:09

Fear of missing out?