MIL / FIL Visiting HELP ME

They're your DH's parents - take the toddler out when you want to and leave them with him. You don't need their permission, or his. They have no authority over you, so stop acting like they do.

yeah their visit needs to be a sunday activity.

I voted YABU, because you are an adult and you can decide when you invite them over. If that doesn’t work for them, too bad.

I remember when my DDs were small, I'd arrive at work for 9 and my colleagues would say "Morning Olive!" and I'd think "Morning? I've lived 3 lifetimes since I woke up!" so your comment really resonated with me and made me smile!

You are totally within your rights to either put your PILs off until later in the day, insist that your DS does need to get out of the house or to invite them to visit on a Sunday while you're at work - none of these are in the slightest bit rude, and I can't see how your PILs could take offence.

I would suggest a combination of the 3 alternatives, if they want a weekly visit, then make that visit on your family's terms. I think I would go for alternate Sundays and leave DH to deal with his DPs. On the alternate Saturdays when I would be there for PIL visits, I'd say visiting hours begin at X time, and the plan is to go out to X at X time, so if you want to visit that day that's what we'll be doing. I'd definitely want to protect our only family day a couple of times a month.

If they live so close, why do they come for a whole day? Why aren't they popping in now and gain for a cup of tea or a meal and then heading off again? this is weird.

And it's perfectly okay to say, "right, if we dont' get some exercise toddler will lose it ocmpletely. Let's all go to the park." or plan an activity, "right, you come over at 10 and we'll all jump in the car and head to the local national trust/musuem/fun fair/whatever"

This is your husbands issue to deal with. He needs to speak to his parents and say “You’re welcome round at X time however at X time we will be leaving to head out to X. You are welcome to join us if you would like.”

If they moan when you’re doing bits around the house your husband needs to remind them that you’re busy working parents and chores around the house wait for no one and your weekend time is precious and limited.

You don’t need to listen to them.

Their needs do not top trump yours and your toddlers.

If you want to go out - go out. They can stay with DH or come with you. You need to do jobs - do them and ignore their complaints.

PIL: we will be over at 10am on Sat to see you all
YOU/DH: ah sorry, would have been lovely, but we won’t be in then. We could do next week at 4pm (or whatever day and time suit)

job done

Sorry if someone's already said this. Don't apologise or try to explain, just do it, pleasantly and politely. 'DH and I are going for a walk with the LO. Do you want to come? LO would love that. If you don't feel like it, stay here and we'll see you later.

Clearing up? Just do it. Invite them to help if they moan.

Don't let them make you feel in the wrong.

Given that they live so near, I'd try and cut down on the long stays. You're obviously trying not to fall out, which is great, but just say, 'We're busy in the morning..' Or 'Lovely, We're taking LO to the park. You're welcome to join us.'

If they aren’t interested in doing anything with the children, why not have them come for an hour or so on a weekday evening. That way you will have your one family day to enjoy as you wish and deserve.

I try to arrange family visits at locations other than our house, as its far easier to leave a park, coffee shop etc than waiting for someone to leave your house.

Oh my god do they do this every Sat?? I would arrange a day out & get your DH to offer they can either meet you there or say they can come over for tea when you get home.

Every Saturday?!? And it’s your only day off?

Fuck. That.

just no.

I would absolutely not be letting your MIL and FIL dictate how you spend your precious Sundays.

Your DH needs to have your back on this and he needs to make it clear to his parents that you will be doing family things and out and about with your toddler on weekends. If they want 'sit down inside' visits, those aren't the times/days for them. End of.

Tell them your plans before they arrive - eg lovely to see you on Saturday, we’ll need to take Xx out for a run around at about [time], but you’re welcome to stay and have a cup of tea if you’d prefer not to join us. Also we’ll need to do a few jobs when Xxx has a nap, and will then stop for a cuppa and some cake to relax. Dot. Wait until they are there before telling them what you need to do.

You've had lots of good advice here. You don't need to be so passive, arrange to meet them outside of your house, at a time that suits you. Its a good job your DH is on board ......

I agree with everyone else. You sound like a doormat.

Tell them you need to be out with toddler so you will meet them at the park at 10am. Then cafe, then they can piss off home as you have lots of jobs to do.

You don’t have to be so passive.

“We are not up for visitors this weekend as we are spending our only family day together out and about, enjoying the good weather.”

Or
”we will be there at 10am Saturday.”
can be followed by the full sentence
”No.”

Go out at 9.30.
Ask a tame neighbour to nip out and say you've gone all day, and text you when they've gone.
And if they turn out at the end of the day you're going to friends for dinner.

I cope by saying no.

No, you can’t come round today, sorry, it’s not convenient.

No, we’re not going to spend the day here, we had plans to go out so we’re going. Feel free to come along or to go home, whichever you prefer.

No, we don’t have time to sit chatting. This is our one day to get stuff done so that’s what we’re doing. Feel free to help us, or watch the kids, or go home, whichever you prefer.

You’re adults in your own home - they can’t just rock up whenever they fancy and expect your world to revolve around them. If it’s a regular pattern they’re in, you need to break the cycle - don’t let them come every week (preemptive phone call to say you’ll be out or whatever), make plans to meet up with them elsewhere or see them outside of their regular ‘slot’, get them used to calling ahead or making arrangements with you rather than just assuming they can turn up at the same time each week and take over your day.

The one caveat is both you & DH need to be on the same page, but it sounds like you already are.

Have you ever tried saying 'oh, we're all family though aren't we, we can just slot in where needed, you know what it's like with kids in the house, never get any time - the kids are so happy to see you, I'll leave you to play then we'll catch up once I've done xx'
And 'oh we need to get out or she will sleep terribly later, I've already told her she could take nanny to the park with her and she's so excited'
You know, sort of breeze past it. If they say 'no, we want to sit and chat' you can say 'we can do that at the park!'

I'm assuming they are the sort of people who think it's rude to not sit and let them hold court during visits? What exactly do they say when they complain?

Do they come every Saturday? Can't they come on a Sunday sometimes to be there with your DH and DS when you are at work?

Tell them to come on Sundays when you are at work. Your DH can deal with them.

If your toddler is climbing the walls, you should take them out. Your PILs can complain all they want, but it's your house and your child. They don't get to dictate that you sit at home all day when they come round.

You take the kids to the park and give DH the gift of child-free time with his parents in the morning if they insist on staying so long. They can help with ‘his’ chores…