To think I'm not the only one who went to heal and now doesn't want a relationship at all

I did for a short while have something similar to this: we lived 300 miles apart so we spent one or 2 weekends a month together. He had no kids and mine were with their dad, so we could behave like students and then I went back to my real life the rest of the time. It was great while it lasted. But then he wanted to make things more serious and I wasn’t up for that. So don’t give up on the idea!

Another vote here for a dog over a man!

At 5 years single I was still being told the same thing. I’m now 15 years single, my children are adults and I still feel the same way. The peace and lack of complication in my life is far too good to give up for a man. I hear friends and colleagues talking about their significant others, and it’s exhausting. Nigel still can’t load the dishwasher, or put the kids to bed, do laundry, cook dinner (without making a huge mess in the kitchen that she has to clean up) and skips off to play golf or whatever at the weekend and she’s the default parent.

No. I knew when I was going to be child-free and could plan my me-time around it, and now they are adults I don’t even need them to be at their dads to be able to do stuff. Don’t get me wrong it was hard in some ways, but the lack of male fuckwitery absolutely made up for it.

I'm into my eighth year as a singleton. I can't see any reason to change that. I would like another dog though. My bestie gets tempted every now and then, dips her toe in the dating waters and remembers why she quit the last time.

You know what we need? We need a pop -up partner 🤣
One that’s there when we want them, but then we can just put them back in their box or send them away when we’ve had enough!

I have been divorced 8 years but the marriage was dead many years before that.

I have been the happiest and most contented ever since being single. I truly haven't felt the want or need to have anyone.

But...

I then met a man at the gym and had a situationship with him. It has made me think that maybe it would be nice to have "something". But that something is... not living together, not spending more then one night a week together, spend the occasional weekends together....

I basically want nothing intense or someone who will take up too much space or time in my life ...😅.

I don't think that person is out there for me!!

Not unreasonable. If me and DH split or anything happened to him, I can’t see me being bothered about a new relationship. Not because DH is the love of my life or anything like that, just because I’m not sure I could be arsed. The physical stuff I can take or leave, so really it would be about living on my own terms.

Oh I totally understand, you’re basically me OP. I’ve been divorced 12 years now, it broke my heart at the time and I really worried about being ‘on my own’ forever. My DS was five then. I did go on a few dates once I’d got over the separation & divorce but to be honest I was already starting to really enjoy my single life with my son. I’d have been really picky about who I got involved in any serious relationship anyway because my son was always going to come first, so probably just as well I don’t feel like I need to have a partner at all.
And these days, the more I read about abusive men and the Andrew Tate influence and the increase in violence against women, I literally have no desire to put myself out there and risk ending up with a man who turns out like that.
I also cannot be arsed with all the mundane dramas and compromises being in a couple entails. The petty arguments, always having to discuss any plans with someone else to see if it’s ok with them, etc. I’ve definitely enjoyed doing what I want when I want ( subject to Ds’s needs, obv)
im late 50s now and I can’t see me ever being in a couple again. Doesn’t bother me at all, I’m happy and DS has had a stable upbringing with two parents who love him but just live apart. Not lonely at all, even though DS is now at uni. I have friends and family that I see three or four times a week.
Thankfully none of them ever told me I’d ’change my mind’ or gave the impression I should want to be with another partner. You’re fine just as you are, OP! ‘You do you’ as they say!

Totally agree with you op. I'd say don't even discuss it.. the "happily marrieds" who probably aren't that happy really, don't like the idea of someone enjoying their single life. So keep on enjoying. Its the best way to live imo.

My mental peace is so valuable to me.

I don't want anything to disrupt it.

I've been single since 2023 after a 19 year marriage.

I like it.

I very much doubt I will meet a man who makes my head turn and I really don't care.

The men out there on the dating market are really nothing special. I'm 53 and have found they either do a lot of negging (which really upset me because I was bewildered as to what was actually going on) or they just don't understand why I don't want to fall into bed with them straightway.

Can't be bothered. Too much other fun to be had.

Yanbu, more women should be like this imo instead of jumping from man to man.
you have a young child, it would not be in any of her best interest to bring a stranger into her home life, unsettle that with no guarantee that it would work out. Good for you op for prioritising your happy life.

I think good happy relationships are phenomenal but also rarer than we like to pretend. There is nothing, nothing, nothing worse than an unhappy relationship. Being happy in yourself is golden. Xx

I’m exactly the same and aside from a FWB relationship that lasted a long time, I’ve been single for 11 years. I can’t and won’t put myself in the position that I might be hurt the way I was by my now ex husband. I get sick to death of people saying “get out there”, “you’ll find somebody” and not accepting my answer that I don’t want to! Some people can’t be on their own. I really enjoy it. I’ve got an AuDHD young teen and I wouldn’t want any disruption for him either. Be happy I say!

I’d imagine that’s why too. And it’s bloody irritating. 😂

Yes, but mumsnet isn’t the real world. People don’t say that to each other totally unsolicited at a dinner party in front of other people for instance. Or to people they barely know at a soft play centre.

”you might not stay married forever so be financially independent” is basically a catchphrase on MN.

11 years single here. Got divorced. Had a few more relationships some lasting a couple of years. Then took a break. Then got busy with other stuff. 11 years later here we are. Do from time to time feel a bit lonely but mostly ok. Have a dog which helps. Just waiting for the last of the peri menopause sex surge to fuck off so I can live in peace.

Dogs, netflix, icecream, books, sunshine in the conservatory. Retired early fifties, own house, savings.

I don't hate men at all and sometimes I wish my life had worked out differently.

A combination of being ok on own (with dog), fear of being hurt again, can't be bothered with hassle, being middle aged and knowing dating will be difficult, too many men addicted to porn or can't pick due to so much choice on online dating.

My world is safe and predictable and I like it that way.

Both sides have their advantages and disadvantages but it is fine to choose to be single whatever your reasons and there are plenty of us out there so you are not alone.

I imagine it's because being part of a couple is seen as the norm. The majority of people seem to want it, and so are projecting.

She’s only telling people because they ask if she’s met someone new. My point is that it isn’t brought up to married people because people assume they know their own minds and intend to stay married. So why can’t you assume a single person who says they intend to remain single also knows their own mind?

To be fair, it doesn't tend to come up in the same way for married people. They've entered into the contract so it's assumed their intention is 'till death us do part'. The OP is telling people she intends to remain single, hence the conversation happens. Certainly people do tell married people their relationship may not last on the rare occasions the subject comes up. Any thread about cheating/seperation will find posters telling people they don't know for certain whether their partner or they themselves might cheat at some future point or they might tire of each other, despite their protests to the contrary. Because in reality, over the course of a lifetime people DO change their minds.
I agree single people get a lot of pressure though.

I’ve been single over 5 years now and I can’t imagine living with a man again and tbh even the thought of dating doesn’t really appeal.

My dad gets really upset that I don’t have a man to ‘look after me’ - I’m 58 ffs!

I do miss sex I won’t lie but it’s not worth the grief of dealing with a man just for the occasional shag

Sorry, x-post TheOriginalEmu

Would you say the same to married/coupled-up people? That they don't know what they want for the next 40 years? It's insulting and it still relies on the ridiculous notion that actually the default, the normal is to be in a couple.

Seven years divorced and happy alone. Physically shudder whenever I think about sharing my life with someone. Lots of people have a problem with a woman staying single. Not sure why but it’s their problem not yours and you don’t have to justify yourself.

and do you think it’s not unreasonable to tell married/cohabiting people they might change their minds, as they are happy ‘for now’?