Gave Granddaughter's Mum £250 towards her 3rd birthday party

This should be between her and the mam she created thos baby with. It doesn't entitle her to scam others.

There's a woman overseas who's had one child, dumped father but despite him paying maintenance leans on the grandparents for more.

She then found another partner, had a baby dumping him. He pays full maintenance, she still taps up the grandparents for more money.

She does own a hairdresser business, lives with her mother aside from the maintenance which has been set by the courts, she's four grandparents to tap into.

We're all waiting for third partner, baby, separation, maintenance and six grandparents.🙄

So sorry OP, shes definitely taken advantage of you. How awful of her.
For future reference, these parties usually only ask for a small deposit when booking then final numbers and payment around a week before. You shouldve let her book the party and agreed a sum to pay when it was time. Giving her £250 months before it was needed or even booked, was unnecessary and id take it as a lesson learnt.
Shes probably shot herself in the foot now because I wouldnt be helping her again if I were you. Id probably let this one go for the sake of a relationship with your DGD, but definitely wouldn't be helping out again.

If the £250 was a push for you financially (which is the impression I'm getting as you said all you can do now is take her for a picnic in the park - which will be lovely btw, I'm not criticising that!), then I probably wouldn't have offered it out in the first place.

It's frustrating she didn't use it as intended and I think you absolutely could have said "do you still need the money if she hasn't had a party" That wouldn't have been rude.

In future, I think it would be best to decide what you can afford to contribute and tell her you'll pay the deposit directly to the party place (or whatever is relevant).

But I don't think her having lip filler etc is relevant and comes across as you not having a very high opinion of her. Ultimately she is raising your granddaughter as a single parent, so she probably isn't all bad.

But she is also getting money from the tax payer’s money tree.

You're insufferable. I supected from your posts last night there was more than we were being told

Well he may not have a money tree like you.

You can't ask for the money back, you gave it for a purpose and your gd is still having a birthday, she is going out for the day and will hopefully be spoilt in the gift shop and probably a meal after and a birthday cake, so think of it that the £250 is hopefully being spent on just your GD rather than being spent on other children that you don't even know.
I hate it when threads get derailed is like going to the doctors for one reason and he starts talking about your bank balance, it's irrelevant.
Hope your son son finds work, my son has also been struggling to find work but he wants to work but their is nothing in his field so he had enlisted in the army, he leaves in a month, anyway enough of me derailing the thread 😁

half the cost of raising a child for a month. Of which £84 is not it.

The mum did not do the right thing at all. She chose those parties and accepted the money towards one of them. If she later decided the places she'd picked were germ ridden and the money could be better spent elsewhere, she should have asked the OP if she could keep the money for something else.

Jesus the vitriol by some posters on this thread, op hope you can ignore the unnecessary rantings that attempt to derail your actual AIBU, and turn it into yet another MN attack on anyone claiming benefits (without even knowing their personal circumstances). Glad to hear you’ve sorted things out, sometimes we just have to chalk it up to experience, and nothing wrong with needing to vent or feeling upset about something. It’s all a learning curve, even as a GP. Hope you have a lovely time when you see your GD

Well you live and learn OP. Really sorry for your disappointment and understand your anger. But, its done now and you are wiser for it. Don't let it stop you being a great grandma to that little girl. Just know that from now on, anything you spend you need to do it directly "let me know when I have to pay and I'll go and do it" rather than handing over cash. Hang on in there and if your contact with you DGC depends on it, try to hold your tongue and keep the peace for now.

Why are you annoyed? You contributed to a birthday treat that sounds a lot nicer than a soft play centre. I would be pleased.

She's taken advantage of you. She should give it back.

Next year say that you will organise and pay for it yourself rather than just hand money over or save it and do something nice with GD

Good for her. £250 won't make up for her having the deadbeat ex you raised, but hopefully it helped a bit.

The more I read, the more I'm convinced the mum did the right thing and you are the issue. Mum is young, working more hours than required, raising a child with £84 a month from the benefits of an unemployed baby daddy who's mum sounds like a thorn in her side. She very likely wouldn't have been able to afford a family day out and quite rightly decided a family trip was more worth it than spending all that money on 2 hours in a germ riddled soft play centre. Grandchild has now had a lovely bonding experience with her mum, I can't see why you're not proud of that and instead moaning about her not putting it towards an extortionate play centre party that won't benefit her at all.

Ok just read all your replies . I think the child’s mum probably realised £250 wasn’t enough with party bags etc so decided on a day out . I was going to criticise her not inviting you but I just read your replies and you sound really bad when it comes to criticisms towards her.
My advice would be try and get along with her because she owes you nothing ! Absolutely nothing and if you carry on being this way you will have less and less to do with your grandchild .
Maybe give your son a kick up the backside so his child doesn’t have to live in poverty as what he pays as child maintenance is nothing but a pittance and I’m sure despite your attempts to humour your replies , you know this to well .

Was that specifically for the party and not as a gift ?

Goodness, OP, why do so many mn threads these days become judgmental pile-ons? I'm feeling wearied by the bullshit and I've only read your posts.

Glad you patched things up with GD's mum and that you're so fair-minded towards both her parents. You can't control the job market where you live, but you can try to be decent, and you do. I think your GD will be fine.

I think the comment about troublesome teenager was made by someone else describing their similar (but different) situation, and this poster was responding to that.

It probably is worth smoothing things over but you know how it is now.