Okay, not sure what to think? What to do? What to accept?
*Me 35F, him 45M
*Neither have kids, neither of us want kids
*Me never married, him divorced in 2021 after 1 year separation
*His marriage was brief. Like, 18mos. He admitted he settled. His family were against him marrying and it caused him a lot of upset at the time.
*We have been together since 2021
*We get on very well. We just 'flow' together. He makes me laugh loads (he's hilarious), I have fun with him, I like just simply being in his company, he doesn't get on my nerves.
*We don't live together. I own my house outright.
*He owns his own house with a small mortgage.
*I pushed for marriage after 3 years and he squirmed and pussyfooted about instead of just telling me "yes" or "no"
*This greatly upset me and so I called it off
*He was devastated and seemed to go into one big wallowing self pity spiral without me, which frankly I didn't have any sympathy for - he shouldn't have messed me about, should he?!
*However, I missed him so terribly. He feels like family to me. I tried dating other people but... No one sparks me like him.
*We got back in touch. Literally just simply being able to catch up with him properly, gave me such a rush. I just love him.
*We got back together
*Several times I have said "do you want to live together one day?" and he has said, "yeah"
*However, he never pushes for this or bings it up himself
*I have had a nightmare with jobs. An actual nightmare. Job after job not paying me right, or deducting my pension but not putting it in a scheme, or not allowing me annual leave. I decided last year to get qualified for another career
*I started new job. It is essentially a self employed role within a firm. I am basically starting up my own business. I am working Mon-Sat, and then doing some WFH for a few hours on a Sunday. This is only temporary until I am set up (July)
*Once I'm settled in, I will still be working a fair bit, but still with work life balance. The job has potential to be very lucrative
*The job is extra important to me because of the horrible history I've had with other jobs up to now
*I am only three weeks in. He told me he is worried about me working too much. I told him it's only until July. (He has an okay job but is not driven in the same way that I am. I'm okay with that.)
*I got annoyed. I think because I was preempting he was gonna suggest I start working less, so we could spend more time together
*I told him I want to work hard so we can buy a cute little detached bungalow together with a nice garden and that's how I envision our future together.. spending sunny days together in the garden
*I asked him if he ever thinks about the future
*He said he doesn't know what the future looks like and said "do we live together? Do we not?"
*I was like, "..wtf.....????"
*I told him, fine- I'll buy my own bungalow, and there's no way I'm gonna work less to achieve that, just to spend time with someone who won't even promise me a future
*Now he is sulking and we haven't spoke for two days.
I feel so p'd off. It's so annoying because I want to be with him, but I want a stable, secure future with a husband, or at least someone who can say "I want to live with you, always". Essentially, my own "family" without the kids (I am happy with nieces and nephews).
Also, I know that if we part now, he'll be moping about and telling me how upset he is without me.
I can't make sense of it. I don't know whether to stay or go??? WWYD?