Is once to twice a week sex enough in a marriage ? When does sex drive dwindle in men ?

Well yes but surely you have a conversion not just straight to divorce. So the conversion would involve some kind of this is what I want sexual of you won’t/cant I won’t/can’t stay.

What's with all these similar posts about sex /coercion or not/ sex drives at the moment?

But equally OP seems to have entered into a contract based on the fact she liked coffee, when she knew she would go off it, and she's not being honest about not liking coffee, and refuses to leave the coffee shop even though she knows she never, ever wants to buy a coffee.

Absolutely not, in the UK we have no fault divorce and you can leave for whatever reason you like. Your partner may not want to leave because of finances, the children, not wanting to split up the family etc

Instead of demanding sex, respect their decision and choose if you want to stay in the relationship.

But how is it any different to any other condition of being married or in a relationship.

So I wouldn’t marry a smoker so he has a choice to never smoke or we divorce. I want children and he doesn’t so we would divorce.

The ball in theory in their court. This is my want if you cannot do it we will not be able to stay together.

Coercion. Putting conditions on is controlling. Having an open discussion and at the end stating I can't accept this so the marriage is over is laying down your cards. Then knowing your husband only agrees because he feels he has no choice and has sex because he has to is sexual abusr.

Are you unwell? What an unhelpful post.

rape can happen in marriages
as others have said, this is coercion.

yes they need couples therapy and even more so, a divorce!

If he does not want to have sex with you and you force him to go through with it once a week as a condition of saying with you then yes it it coercion.

If you tell him the above and he is actually ok with having sex once a week then no clearly it is not coercion.

OP, your situation is (was) identical to mine. I couldn’t stand the thought of sex and I couldn’t bear the sulking and silent treatment when I refused to do it. I initiated divorce and let him go find a woman keen to have regular sex with him because I knew neither of us would ever be truly happy again otherwise. He is living his best life now, me not so much but at least I don’t have to deal with the nagging and the guilt anymore.

But I’m not forcing them to have sex either. I just won’t stay with someone who didn’t want sex.

Should someone have to stay in a sexless marriage?

That's sexual coercion as you are pressuring someone into meeting your sexual demands. You're telling someone that if they don't do as you say, you'll leave.

OP, can I ask some questions please?

How long have you been together?

How old are you and your DH?

How old are your children?

Do you work, and if so, P/T or F/T?

Do you own a house together?

Maybe having the answers to these questions will help us to give you better advice.

If you hated coffee and someone kept telling you to have coffee, and sulked if you didn’t have coffee and bullied you into having a coffee at least once a week otherwise you knew they’d be moody with you about not liking coffee, you’d never want to see another fucking cup of coffee ever again.

Genuine question here.

So I say to dh. We have to have sex once a week minimum or I will leave you as I’m not willing to do less. I’m happy to leave in that sense but he doesn’t want me to leave.

Coercive or laying down my cards.

Black and white or shades of grey.

Because coerced sex is not consensual sex. I can’t believe you have to be told that.

you doing it when you don’t want to is not going to help your drive. At the end of the day a lot of people wouldn’t live in a sexless marriage so if he ends up leaving won’t that be a good thing as you won’t have to have sex again? It just doesn’t seem like a good match.

Sexual coercion is a serious crime and you sound ground down and traumatised. Tell him no if he pesters you again and if he begs tell him to leave you alone.

You might find this helpful.

I truly believe of you left him you’d find your feet and feel so happy so secure and so free from the sexual demands of him or any other man that you’d wish you did it 10 years ago.

I mean at that point she’s also picking shitty men repeatedly. Try before you buy. If he won’t put in the effort to please you before you marry he sure as hell won’t once you have.

Were you honest with your DH about this before marriage? Have you honestly told him that you simply won't want sex with him ever again?

I wouldn't stay in a sexless marriage.

It's not OK for you to have sex you don't want, and it's not OK for him to put pressure on.

This marriage is over.

Not necessarily. Far too many men see sex as a right and something they do with no thoughts about the woman at all

I can resonate with this.

I used to love sex. We used to have absolutely toe curling sex.

Now I just want to curl up with a book.

I think it’s partly me being menopausal, and partly just wanting a bit of variety.

I need to fall in love again. With DH. Just a hit hard after 25 years.

How is op in an abusive marriage!? In a marriage both parties would have sex with one another with consent of course, he isn’t raping her! , it’s not fair on the man to go without and likewise if it was the woman in his position, when ur partner keeps refusing you for sex it’s only normal that you would start to look elsewhere and it will be a problematic marriage. The issue here is the OP, you either have a very low sex drive or none at all, speaking with a professional will help and also speak to ur dh, so he understands but be prepared for him to not accept a sexless marriage.

To go through a divorce is a massive thing.

To go through the rest of your life being treated as someone's 'wank sock' is no small thing. I'm so so sad for you , that you cannot see any way out of this situation. And that you wouldn't immediately see that a sister, daughter or friend in this situation deserves to be supported to make a new life is very worrying, too

What have you learned about the relative 'power' of men and women, that you think you are trapped because of the "magnitude" of the solution.

How dare he insist on the use of your body for his sexual gratification: how very dare he.

Posts like this hurt my heart. I began my sex life as a teen having sex I didn’t really want, and that was just how I saw sex moving forward. It was an act that I gave and men took. It was defined by what they wanted and I just thought that was the story for all women.

I was with a couple of men who pestered like this. Finally when I met my DH who is not like that, I started to understand how fucked up my relationship with sex was. I’m glad you’ve made this post OP, and I hope other women’s words challenge you and heal you. You don’t have to live like this. In another life you could enjoy and desire sex, but this selfish and controlling man has taken that from you. You are more than a body to be used. He has no right to your body or to sex. I think you need to tell him that if he ever pressures you again after you’ve said no, that you are done with it. And follow through.