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AIBU?

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Original poster

Does this sound like a happy marriage?

208 replies

nosywithabuttonnose · 08/04/2025 14:25

Dh is a gamer and I have absolutely no interest in gaming.
We have a young child who goes to bed at 7 which is around when he gets home. He will then spend 2 hours gaming until our older child goes to bed and then we spend an hour or two together before bed.
I like to go to the gym which he has no interest in so I go a few times a week while he is gaming, on the days I don’t go I will sit on my phone besides him while he games and we’ll sit in silence immersed in what we’re doing.
At weekends he will often game for a while extra but then we’ll watch a family film or go out for a while.
I often find we sit in silence in the evening and don’t have a lot to talk about, his job is very samish and he works alone a lot so not much to come home and talk about and I’m at home with a small child doing small child things and housework so not much to talk about.

He seems perfect happy to game on his own and I enjoy going to the gym on my own but I worry if we’re drifting apart, we have no shared interests and nothing to talk about but we love each other and get each other, does this sound like a marriage than can work? We’ve been together over 10 years.

OP posts:
Original poster
nosywithabuttonnose · 08/04/2025 14:36

DuckieDodgyHedgyPiggy · 08/04/2025 14:33

Not necessarily drifting apart, but in a bit of a rut maybe. It's a difficult time with young dch. Does your DH engage with them enough? Sounds to me as if he's a bit - not addicted exactly, but in a habit of just switching off from real life.

Yes I think you’re right, he will plan his gaming and make time for it, while moaning we don’t spend enough time together but doesn’t make time for us.

OP posts:
Lavender14 · 08/04/2025 14:36

So he gets home and then is gaming until your children are both in bed? This reads as if he's leaving you to do the lions share of the parenting and has minimal quality time with you or his children? It sounds like he has Peter pan syndrome and needs to grow up a bit. Having an interest in something is fine but it sounds like it's overtaking family life and putting unfair pressure on you as a result. You get out of a marriage as much as you put in and he's not putting much in but expecting to reap the benefits. That to me would breed malcontent and resentment. Have you spoken to him about it? And to the kids about how they feel about it?

Original poster
nosywithabuttonnose · 08/04/2025 14:34

DenholmElliot11 · 08/04/2025 14:30

When was the last time you took him out on a date?

Or down the pub for a pint?

We have the occasional date night but it’s usually at home, our older child will go upstairs and watch a film in bed and we’ll have a take away and a bottle of wine and some music and a chat but I find we only talk to each other when there’s no distractions.

OP posts:
DuckieDodgyHedgyPiggy · 08/04/2025 14:33

Not necessarily drifting apart, but in a bit of a rut maybe. It's a difficult time with young dch. Does your DH engage with them enough? Sounds to me as if he's a bit - not addicted exactly, but in a habit of just switching off from real life.

Shoxfordian · 08/04/2025 14:32

What do you love about each other? It sounds quite lonely to me

DenholmElliot11 · 08/04/2025 14:30

When was the last time you took him out on a date?

Or down the pub for a pint?

cramptramp · 08/04/2025 14:29

Do you have babysitters so you can go for nights out together?

Burngreave · 08/04/2025 14:27

It does sound like you’re drifting apart, and you’re going to need to put in some effort (both of you) to avoid this becoming a much bigger issue. Have you discussed your concerns?