Does this sound like a happy marriage?

Not quite the point you are raising, by why isn’t your DH spending at least some of that time gaming with your older DC? My DH likes gaming and now our DC are 8 and 12 there are plenty of age appropriate games that are still interesting enough for adults that they can all play together (often DH and DS2 play as a team against DS1). Things like the sorts of games where you build civilisations or fight historical battles or whatever. It’s not an interest I personally share but it’s one the three of them share because my DH has taken the time to build up their interest. Also means he has a very close eye on what gaming they are doing and instilling safe gaming behaviour like not playing with strangers online, not giving out your personal details, etc.

On your actual question, it’s fine - indeed healthy - to have some different interests and spend some time chilling in your own way independently, but you do need to spend time together enjoying each other’s company, whether listening to music and chatting over a bottle of wine, watching a film together, or whatever.

Assuming you ask him to change, OP...

If he agrees to change you would be in with a chance to fix your family situation. Win.

If he doesn't (or says he will but doesn't follow through), how would things be if you split up? He obviously doesn't add much practical help around the home, but how about financially? Could you manage if he moved out? If you could, you are in a strong position to lay out what changes you want if you are to stay in this marriage.

This is an awful example to set to your children as well. I know it's hard when you're in it OP but this sounds so miserable.

Your family life sounds lonely and a bit disjointed tbh. You don't all eat together or do anything together - you lead separate lives in the same house. Sounds like you need a chat and a reset before it goes too far. Idk family games night or movie night once a week? Date night actually out of the house once a month?

Are you happy with the way things are? It doesn’t sound like you’re drifting apart to me. You both have your own interests which is important but then you’ll spend an hour or two together before bed. You say at the weekend you’ll watch a family film together or all go out. Sounds ok to me. Just depends what you want though.

I find it really depressing to read. It's like you're co-existing. Your son needs to be talked to and included much more than he is. He'll just become more and more reliant on screens himself.

This type of marriage is not for me.

Just seen he doesn't eat with you, either.

He's behaving like an Xbox addicted teenager.

That's not a relationship that I'd want to be in.

So what? He's a husband and a parent and needs to step up! I like a bath to unwind but I don't have a 2 hour soak every night instead of being with my kids!
Honestly don't know why women put up with this nonsense. You can both schedule in time for your hobbies/unwind.

It sounds absolutely shit to me, like it really wouldn’t make a difference if you were together or not.

You’re just two people who happen to live in the same house.

To answer your question, no, that doesn't sound like 'a happy marriage'. It sounds like flatmates with childcare responsibilities.

I certainly don't think having separate interests in a marriage is an issue in itself (dh and I have our own hobbies as well as stuff we like to do together) but it sounds as if he's avoiding genuine engagement with you. (And tbh a grown man who prioritises gaming is deeply unattractive anyway imo but I understand it might not the core issue for you personally.)

I think your way of silence is not that instructive to your children in how a couple consider each other's views and feelings etc.
Your husband seems not to interact with his children.
Does he ever game with them?
Does he watch a movie with his older child and discuss, laugh or interact?

I can see how spending an hour each doing your own quiet thing after the kids are asleep is doable but every night seems excessive.

The older child having a screen in their own room is very isolating. I would rewrite the ground rules for behaviour around devices...
One hour max per day
No devices upstairs
Kids on devices in communal areas etc etc

I enjoy more communication and attention to people in my home.

There isn't one part of this scenario that isn't depressing af.

Oh good grief, he doesn't eat with you? That's really disfunctional. He can retrain his hunger pattern to eat at a normal time, even if he eats a different food alongside your dinner. He is opting out of family life here, and that will eventually backfire badly if it's not tackled.

I think it's quite sad that he doesn't want to spend time with his child or you in the evening. That should come first really. All sitting on screens each evening? Can you not play a board game that involves talking to each other some evenings instead? Or he could take the 9 year old out for a evening walk. Yes have time for gaming as a hobby but it sounds like he prioritises it over his family which isn't great.

OP I really don't think that's great. 2 hours on his switch before bed every night? Maybe consider game free evenings where you all play a boardgame/play outside or something (if you have a garden)?

Do you and your husband get the same number of hours over the week to pursue hobbies, whether gaming, gym or whatever you choose? If yes, no problem really in terms of fairness and contribution to family life. If he's gaming more than your free time though, and you are looking after the older child or doing chores while he is gaming, that needs sorted.

I would say to maintain the relationship long term you need to have a time together without devices every day if at all possible. To talk, check in, make plans. Some days this might only be 15 minutes. If talking is hard, do an activity together at first instead. You could talk whilst you do chores together in the evening, or maybe you have a room in your house needing redecorated?

I appreciate you don't have much to say about "what you did today" but there are loads of other things to talk about. Me and DH talk about people we know, what happening in the news, what we think about hypothetical ethical dilemmas (what would you do if...), what our future plans and dreams are, what we'd do if we won the lottery...

A long term successful marriage will be one where both parties invest regular time communicating with each other.

Your DS is on his switch for two hours before bed most nights?

So there are two hours between your youngest and oldest going to bed and your DH spends that block of time gaming instead of hanging out with the oldest child? I think that’s a bit sad really.

So in the 2 hours he gets to spend with the older child he is gaming? What are and the child doing in this time? Who makes dinner every night, does he do his share of chores or is gaming while you do it?