Does this sound like a happy marriage?

Read a book called Ho tactics by GL Lambert

This is how men think. Hope it helps because it’s miserable watching you all put up with these men

My husband works late hours on a computer. In day time does his evening work prep on it. Sounds like he is online or screen glued a lot and he is but not gaming. So we use the weekend to be a family which actually talks and go out on day trips. Do you take day trips with the kids, does he play with them sports, take them out or play at home with them, does he teach them something or is it always you. He does not like cooked food? He is ND

He sounds very much like he is living a bachelor life, coming in from work and gaming for a couple of hours (whilst ignoring wife and children) and eating pizza and toasties

You guys sit like strangers stuck in a waiting room together. There's no connection or communication.

I think a start would be eating together on your mutual days off. Is there an activity your son is interested in doing one day a week?

Your husband sounds like a single guy, he works and goes home and games.

No, the disconnect here is not something seen in a happy marriage.

Wouldn't be my sort of family life but times have changed since my family were young so maybe this is the way now, do you feel happy with this arrangement?

What is his job? Is he ND ( sorry, they do love being online or being focused into something happening all the time )

Reading you say “ he wouldn’t come off his game to play with us” is so sad OP. Sorry but that’s not a good dad, is it? Christ. Your poor kids will be able to feel that their dad is more bothered about spending time on his game than with them. Selfish prick.

He’s also teaching your son that it’s normal to disengage from meaningful connections in real life and instead game for hours. I’ve no issue with gaming unless it interferes with healthy family dynamics and in your case it massively is.

You and your son can’t even have fun watching something funny together because his dad is hogging the TV for the entire evening? Doesn’t it make you angry? Why does he get the final say? It’s your house too.

You sound lost and depressed and I’m not surprised. Not a good dad. Not a good partner.

Dont underestimate the impact on your children of watching parents who don’t interact with affection (or even get a ‘hello’ when one of them comes home) and kindness and warmth. You are both teaching them that this is what a healthy relationship looks like. And it doesn’t.

This happened to me so I do understand you.

You would be better to walk, there are men out there who will make you feel like the queen you are.

You should never have to beg for a man to behave decent. It’s no accident that they become this way, it’s because they don’t need to put effort in anymore. Especially after they lock a woman down with children and a ring.

So if you can be bothered with a dopamine addict (that’s actually what he is)

Remove your energy completely, dont do what he expects (like come home from the gym to spend time with him)

Find men who want to talk to you (that really pisses them off)

Make yourself feel beautiful in all ways. Complete self focus. You don’t need his attention anymore. Forget about him.

Keep at it with pulling your energy away, he’ll reciprocate your silence at first (this can last for months) sometimes just out of spite..then one day he’ll sense something’s really off and move toward you. Do not relent.

Even when he makes an effort (which he eventually will) do not relent. Give him little rewards, not too much.

Good luck 🍀

If he likes gaming would he pay strategy board games like risk as a family? There are some quite good ones when you get into it. I think you all, but him in particular need to make an effort to engage with each other.

This whole situation is miserable. Everyone on screens, no one communicating or doing anything resembling quality time. What does he do that he needs a 2 hour unwind?!

My DH got home last night at 6.45pm and took out DC out in the garden to kick a ball round and water the plants while I tidied up. He'd never just come in and start gaming, and I'd never put up with it.

Because if she was not married she would be free to raise her children in a house with good communication, good food, and not all of them glued to screens all day. She can raise healthy happy children, even if they sometimes have to visit their father and sit in silence while he plays his games and doesn't speak to them. They will see which is the way they want to live.

It sounds very boring. Your DH doesn’t eat meals with you and then you sit on your phone, your 9 yo on his device and your DH on his, playing/browsing away by yourselves for two hours. It sounds soul destroying - no conversation, no board games, not even looking at something on TV together than you can comment. No opportunity to chat about your individual days, etc. No building a bond.

Your are in danger of your children becoming addicted to their devices and becoming teenagers who isolate themselves in their rooms, playing their devises without any hobbies or interests or going out and about with friends.

If you are happy what does it matter what anyone thinks of your marriage?

Regardless of the quality of your marriage (which sounds torture to be honest), all I’m seeing when I read your OP is just what an isolating childhood your children are having. How are they learning to chat, to interact, to develop healthy relationships when this is the model they see?
In your position, I would be feeling very lonely and probably quite depressed. It’s not really a relationship, is it?

Well that's because he can't spend that time gaming. In other words, he does like you, but not as much as he likes gaming.

I think a lot of people are tired at the end of the day and either watch tv, scroll or game. Not so much of a problem but sounds like you need to put a time limit on it. Can you both agree to no more than an hour and then do something g together?

Sounds depressing. Zero quality time with the child? And you are both modeling bad habits.

Oh OP I feel so sorry for your children.
What a life for them.
Miserable for you but they are being taught all there is to life is watching screens and gaming.
It's just totally depressing.
It sounds as though he as gaming addict. If he won't change then the onus is on you to change things for you and the children.

Are you happy?

Replace gaming with drinking in the pub every night for two hours. He may as well do this as he’s not present in your lives. Two hours a night to wind down! What on earth reasoning is that? He sounds like a child. No, it doesn’t sound like anyone is happy. Sorry.

Pizza or a toastie wow that's a good healthy meal not.

This sounds really sad. Can’t you watch a film or tv show or play a board game all together instead? It sounds like you are also missing out on family time as well as couple time.

That's what he's told you.
How do you think other people unwind they don't all game when they get in from work.