Does this sound like a happy marriage?

It doesn’t sound that happy to me. My husband is a gamer too but he games one or two nights a week (once the kids are in bed!) and I’ll read my book or scroll mumsnet next to him. Other nights we watch stuff together or game together, hang out etc. I would feel a bit rubbish sat on my own every night

It sounds a bit dull.

What a charmer and what a catch.

He doesn't eat with them, play with them, read with them, talk to them. he doesn't demonstrate healthy food choices - toasties and pizza after they've one to bed.
Sounds pretty shit to me.
I've always made time for my kids - discussing everything from friends, school, world affairs, hobbies, their views on just about everything.
so what happens when they're teenagers and have no male role model to turn to?

Did this gaming only start once you were married ? and with children ?

or has he been like this for 9 years plus ?

what was he like before you got married ?

You are so naive 🤭

Sorry, that was spiteful.

Point is.

HUGE amount of these men are giving their wives breadcrumbs whilst watching porn and paying other women to spend on themselves. So when was the last time your man gave you a wad of cash and told you to go spend?

Because trust me, they have no issue doing it for other women. No issue begging for their attention either. Wonder what the woman’s trick is?

PS, sorry to be harsh but if he is addicted to dopamine hits like that..very likely a porn addict too. Above applies. Remove all presence.

If any of this triggers you, ask yourself why

Wouldn't work for me. He sounds like a 13 year old. I couldn't be with someone so boring.

After getting close to 30 years together DH and I can still talk loads from the domestic to serious stuff to chatting absolute shit.

We have many matching long term hobbies, hiking, gaming, cycling, current affairs, investing and dark humour that some would find offensive. He does love watching football which I will but not so much so I just do stuff for me at that point.

DH and I had a bit of a scrap about the Welsh referendum which in a round about way led to our first date. So many thanks to the people of Wales for that.

What made you get together and what did you have in common?

Sounds boring overall.

Yes I have to say I agree with this. He's modelling that 'alone with a screen' is how you relax. Do your DC not do any clubs or sports?

Do you do any family things all together on the weekend?

This would be a good time to have a bonding family hobby or interest outside the house eg hiking, train trips, visiting relatives, museums, the park etc

If I was being kind I'd say that I appreciate that when kids come along, you take any opportunity you can for a little bit of whatever you think of as fun, as it's a bloody slog otherwise. So you'd be grateful for 30 mins of opportunity to game or watch TV or whatever before having to see to the baby or tend to the next 3000 chores or get some sleep.

Sometimes you don't get out of this 'I need me-time' mindset in order to start thinking of the bigger picture - I've actually got a bit of free time, what's the best way of using it for long-term benefit? What can we do as a family?

Do you think you have slipped into this rut or do you think it's an active choice and your DH would still prioritise hours of gaming if he looked at the bigger picture?
You don't seem like you have much in common - what are your common interests, what did you do before kids?

I agree but OP says she is happy! That is the point I am trying to make. It doesn’t matter how I would live my life (not with a gaming DH BTW) if she is truly happy how are strangers judging her marriage based on their own expectations going to help? OP says she is happy. Who I am I to judge her?

We have the occasional date night but it’s usually at home, our older child will go upstairs and watch a film in bed

I promise I'm not trying to pick on you but how often is your 9yo alone with a screen in his room? Apart from the usual concerns, he's very young to be starting the habit of spending chunks of time alone with a screen when he sees his dad using that as the only form of relaxation... I'd be worried you'll have the same issue with your DS.

Some of us have really nice partners / husbands we have fun with, consider to be our best mates as well as people we really fancy, who do lots for us and our kids and make us happy… without needing to buy a book for them to treat us nicely. Weird flex that you’re with a man you needed to train to treat you decently, that doesn’t make you or your relationship superior, it means the opposite!

It would be fine for some people - plenty of people are fine just hanging out together and while also doing their own thing. But it's clear that it's not fine for you, and you have every right to feel the way you do.

Most evenings DP and I are in the same room doing different things. Although there are some things on TV that we watch together, mostly one of us is watching something while the other reads/uses their iPad/does hobby related stuff, or we're both doing different things. However - we're happy with that and we still talk a lot and do stuff together. We eat together whenever we're both home, we eat out, we go to things together - theatre, gigs, exhibitions, days out etc.

Does your older son do sports, swimming wtc anything outside the house? Does he have friends over etc? It sounds so sad for your sons that their father thinks nothing of them, cant even be bothered to engage with them. Does he talk to older son about school etc? As people have said two hours gaming on whatever on his own is a boring lifestyle for your oldest. Do ur kids go to parks, beaches, football, museums, swimming anything with their dad? And you?

I am sorry but I honestly wouldnt say you have a real marriage from your description, I'd say you have a lodger in the house who appears to have very little actual interest or involvement in you other than very minimally when it suits him and similarly the two kids. You, but more importantly given their young age your kids, deserve and need way better than this.

I wish you the best and hope you can change your lives for you and kids benefit.

What job does he do that he needs two hours of wind down time every day?! No one I know has that.

Then carry on with your day whilst your husband pays a woman for a picture of her feet or bin lovey. You do you.

This is for the women who want to learn

This sounds really depressing and soulless to me.

We have two DC, we eat together and chat with no screens every night. If one of us is back a bit late we'll still sit at the table and chat.

We'll then typically either play, chat, or watch a show together then read with our children one on one before they go to bed.

At weekends we might go to the park, woods, bike ride, walk together.

This sounds really boring for you, and pretty miserable for your 9yo that his dad isn’t showing any interest in him. Maybe you could try setting one evening a week for the 3 of you to do something together after the toddler is in bed.

You should do these things . Don't ask him to do them .
Maybe he will see you having fun with your kids having a bbq or out for nice walks and then join in .
I understand this hobby is his go to thing to relax but it's also a habit and if he snaps out of it then maybe he will be more open to other things.
It sounds very boring.
Also if you have the space I would get his Xbox out of the living room and somewhere else .
Him dominating that space is to much every day

No way would I buy a book referring g to women as Hos! Ffs

I live by that book. It works.

My partner works very very hard for me now

🤭

If you had no kids and you were happy with it, fine. But he's not spending any time with his children!! What is he, 12?