Does this sound like a happy marriage?

The problem is, this isn’t a minority.

Those hundreds of men in their balaclavas with wives and children at home, lining up to shag a porn star..that’s the harsh truth about many modern men and their loyalty.

I’d love to believe in their decency but only fans stats tell me otherwise and I’d rather have my eyes wide open, even if it makes me sad.

Won’t even touch on the violence against women that’s at epidemic levels.

Genuinely hope you find/found what you’re looking for 💖

Your shared interest should be your children if nothing else. Your children come before gaming, the gym, etc

Can you honestly say he is a good, loving father to your kids?

The problem here is that the OP and her husband have no shared interests

ONE of the problems.

The main problem is that the father has no interest in his children...

Well you're obviously not from a gamer or a gaming family then.

It's very normal, in fact a couple of hours is less than average for most people.

Doing something you like for 2 hours a day and at weekends is hardly abnormal or an addiction.

There are plenty of people whose idea of hell would be whatever you like to spend your time doing, it doesn't mean it's wrong.

The problem here is that the OP and her husband have no shared interests.

@Fluffydolittle Men need to chase, it’s in their nature. Ok? Hence the success of the porn industry. They’re never satisfied.

Some men, yes. But not all. And certainly not the type I want to attract. I think your talking about a very specific type of man and they are quite toxic.

He has gaming addiction. Not wanting day trips or barbecues in the garden, no play with kids, never??? It sounds a bit irreparable. Not sure what to say.

My husband has online evening customer phone job and is available for the people and in day time needs filling forms and things but when the kids are/were at school and I was between my many part-time jobs we would have extended lunch, drive around, visit a nature spot; Late evening meal but shared. Weekend solely devoted to the family apart few Saturdays or Sunday when his shifts rotate.

Is he 15?

That sounds miserable for you and for your children, spending their whole lives on screens.

Andrew Tate is actually in part a reaction to women learning about male manipulation and pulling away so it’s interesting you bring him up.

Women will continue to learn and the ‘male loneliness epidemic’ will become even stronger regardless of women who live in the dark ages trying to hold it back.

I don’t hate men, but you’re playing by the wrong rules and this comment will haunt you when you realise 😊

Men need to chase, it’s in their nature. Ok? Hence the success of the porn industry. They’re never satisfied.

That's way more serious than the "gaming to unwind" you initially presented it as.

That's a serious problem and unless he has help or reassesses his behaviour he is going to continue to choose it over everything else - including your children and you.

Are you happy for your kids to have a father that prioritises artificial rewards over them? I'd not put up with this for my kids - I don't see how you can think it's good enough?

And I say this as someone who has spent a lot of time playing video games in the past!

I think he's got issues.

That would work for me. After a full day at work I am tired and I've used up all my people-ing skills. My DP and I eat dinner together with an hour's TV then he games and I read. We have plenty to talk about at the weekend / on date nights when we do fun stuff together but in the evening I just like peace. My DD is 14 so no complex bedtime routine needed and she is mostly upstairs gossping with her friends. We do go out to swim together one evening a week and gym another but at the gym we do our own thing.

If it doesn't work for you then I'd talk to him about finding a better balance so you both get what you need.

You sound like the female equivalent of Andrew Tate.

Admittedly I haven't read the book but given the strap line is 'How to MindF**k a Man into Spending, Spoiling, and Sponsoring' it sounds like utter shite.

If this was a book men were reading to manipulate women we'd all be screaming 'blue murder'.

If you need to trick or 'mindfuck' your husband into liking you then you don't naturally have much to offer. And he can't be much of a catch either if he's only interested if he's being played games with.

Btw, the book wasn’t to teach me how to get him to behave properly. Wouldn’t read a self help book to save a relationship with one of these teenage men, jesus.

The book was for study, just so happens it works exceptionally well on all men so it’s an important read 🤷‍♀️

Maybe it will cut down on the shite husband threads?

www.england.nhs.uk/2023/03/nhs-treats-hundreds-with-gaming-disorders/

Me neither.

I feel most sorry for the children, growing up in such a barren childhood. When are they being interacted with, stimulated, listened to...

NB: just remembered the children are 7 and 9. Those are the most interesting years, where it is possible to talk with them intelligently, open their eyes to the world and new experiences, explore all kinds of interesting things with them!

He has a full blown gaming addiction and it is ruining your family’s life op 😞
Your dc will end up just like him.
You need to address this urgently to protect your children.

The compromise I would want would be to have family time from 7-9 (board games, walks, chats, movies with discussions) and then he can game once the oldest is in bed.

I'd schedule in some date nights to keep your own marriage alive but at this stage family time is very important.

Your DH needs to be an active parent to his children.

No, this is my idea of hell. Like being trapped in the life of a teenager indefinitely. Even as a teen I would have hated this.

He is quite apart from anything a terrible role model to your children op. They will grow up thinking this is normal, and it isn’t remotely normal.

I would encourage him to get some help with his gaming addiction. If he wants to save his marriage.

Funny that you assume I’m with him out of love now. Don’t care about love. I want my time back in financial remuneration.

What if I told you that the idea of love that is fed to women is just made up to make you a good caregiver to men their whole lives through 😱

K, out
Enjoy the book

So, you are married to a loser. What you do about that is up to you.

He sounds like he's living like a teenager to be honest. He need to cut back on the gaming and start engaging more with you and the children, including eating meals together. He isn't a lone solitary male, he has a family!

The weather is nicer now, can he take the kids out in the garden/to the park to get some fresh air and run around?

No, it doesn't sound like a happy marriage to me, and it definitely doesn't sound like a happy childhood either.

"He doesn’t like proper food so I cook for myself and the children while he prefers a pizza or a toastie which he’ll get himself when he’s hungry which will be after 9 when he’s stopped gaming."
This is no life for him either.

What are your plans, OP?

I think playing a board game together sounds great.