Visitors calling unannounced

Another vote for ask first. I have very messy creative children who like to build forts and then semi-dismantle them leaving blankets all over the place or start an art project out of the recycling then wander off leaving a pile of junk out for days that nobody can touch becuase it isn't finished yet. I tend to wash up at the end of the day rather than after each meal so there will usually be breakfast things sitting on the counter, maybe my lunch plate and coffee cup. And don't even get me started on the number of times my boys have left a big poo in the loo without flushing it! I work from home and I have an older friend who pops round if she is passing and just doesn't understand that I am working and don't have time for hour long coffee chats in the middle of a working day. I love hosting if I have notice, but if someone comes unannounced I find it so intrusive.

I wish to god someone would visit me, I’m generally the visitor (two hours from everyone else and very rural). If someone turned up I’d whoosh them in and die of happiness! My brother once turned up out of the blue and I started crying I was so happy, same when a friend texted to say she was in the area and was I about. I have a few friends that are so good that if I rang in the morning to say I was heading home home and could I drop by they’d welcome me with open arms but a few relatives that require a few weeks notice which I can’t because I work in retail and don’t know my hours and am generally ferrying the kids about or have stuff with mum or mil

edited to add I can see how people get stressed, my house is rarely visitor clean, but I think you miss out by not grabbing opportunities to see people but honestly that’s just my opinion and I’m biased because well I suppose I’m lonely for my family and friends a bit even though I’ve a great life and great kids

Not unreasonable. Something I have noticed tho. My kids friends and nieces / nephews / their friends under 19… they won’t even run the doorbell when they have arranged to come over and we know they are coming over at sept time… they WhatsApp. It drives me mad! Why! Hahhaha.

We do some of the time 🤣

I love unannounced visits but been conditioned around this from childhood and very friendly neighbourhood and local family. Till this day I have keys to my parents, and sister and just let myself in when I feel like it 😃

I don't really see how it makes a difference whether it's someone you know or a delivery or a cold caller or whatever that you can't control and wouldn't have notice of either, you'd just ignore the doorbell for all of them.

If you don't want them in your house they're acquaintances.

My housing association did this Came round with no notice and turned my electric off to fit an isolator I got told to be grateful

Very fucking messy. I actually would need about a week's notice for someone who didn't know me very well indeed!!
But it's mainly to do with my mental health issues.

Agree. It makes me sad that people don't just drop by!

Growing up we always used to have visitors drop in, my parents still do. I miss that!

Same 🤣

I fucking hate this.Dh family used to do this A LOT for the first few years we were together.I gradually put a stop to it

@BobbyBiscuitsHow messy is your house that you need ‘at least a couple of days notice’? 😱

Yes exactly! It's happened a few times on a weekend where me and hubby have been home and people would pop round. He couldn't see why it got to me, and I told him after our visitors left we could have been going at it upstairs and then someone calls! It's just the decent thing to do to let someone know you are coming around!

This! If someone's dropping something off, for example, and don't want/need to come in, then that's ok, but to cold-call and expect to come in, well that's very bad manners.

Yes I agree 😄

This is my BIGGEST hate! I don't mind having visitors but I like to know in advance, even if it's close family or friends.

I never call with anyone un announced, it's common courtesy. My sister in law is a bugger for it!!

I don't think YABU. I really don't cope well with people just dropping in without warning, but it rarely happens anyway, thank goodness.

I find it hard to just switch gears and suddenly switch 'on' and have conversations with people. And when I do it, I'm often exhausted for a day or two afterwards and have to work at finding my centre again.

Perhaps it's your DS's driving instructor.

I hate it too! Throws me right off. I think it’s anxiety related. And it’s not just a getting older thing either - I have always found sudden changes very difficult to deal with, although I’m better than I was since being with DH.

I absolutely hate it. I like to feel "ready" which not only involves the house and me being reasonably tidy, but also mentally pscyhed up. That might sound dramatic but there you go. I'd far rather they gave me notice so I can relax and enjoy their visit.

I agree @BigDahliaFan

This topic comes around as often as your chatty sister-in-law who’s just discovered lime jaffa cakes eh? Usually descends into a north v south or working v middle class hullabaloo. Shall we kick that that off? Which could I fling at you to offend you the most - you’re a skanky northerner lacking basic societal niceties or you’re a precious middle class pearl clutcher who needs to loosen her knickers 😂

Modern communication, you can phone, even if only ten minutes warning.

I find this attitude to visitors so weird! Firstly if someone pops in they are rarely expecting to be 'hosted' - so I'm really happy to offer tea and a biscuit. If it's not convenient I'll say.

I must be weird, I love visitors.