Visitors calling unannounced

Everyone knows I need a ten minute window, at least. If someone buzzes to get in, and I'm not expecting anyone, I don't answer. I have chronic pain, and I need to be ready for guests.

I host lots of friends regularly, but I can't stand drop ins unannounced - especially if I've just settled down to eat, watch a film or read a book. Seriously - just text first to see if I'm free, then I'll probably say 'give me 15 mins' or something. It's not about tidiness - I'm tidy - it's just the disruption to plans.

It doesn’t bother me at all when people just turn up but on Mumsnet is seems to be one of the worst things you can do 🤷🏼‍♀️

As I get older I lean more towards my home being my sanctuary.
Work has been awful lately so I've started enjoying spending time at home pottering.
I could easily still be in my dressing gown at lunchtime (I am over the 5am starts with young children, being showered, dressed and makeup on by 6.30am on a Sunday! ) I need those few days of peace to get over the week and prepare for the next week so I would be less than thrilled if people started popping over unannounced. The exception being my Sister who has seen me in every state imaginable so she can rock up whenever she likes.

Unannounced..I'm one of the weirdos that doesn't answer the door

For me it’s not about clean house or not, is that I prefer not to ‘people’ on demand. Sometimes (more often than not) I prefer to sit with a nice book/ do a quiet activity at home rather than chitchat/ entertain and I can’t switch to ‘so happy to see you’ easily. It’s disrespectful and rude to intrude on others with no notice.

See I don't like the way you say that, about booking time! It's not booking time that I require, I would just like to know you are coming! It's happened so many times of an evening where we just sit down to dinner and dh's mate shows up! If he had just messaged half hour before to say he would be in the neighborhood, we could say, Hold off till we eat, then the kettle is on and door is open! Common courtesy! It's mad how everyone is so different isn't it? and I love seeing people too, but I like to know so that I am mentally ready for the visit!

I love it when people turn up to see me, really makes me smile when my friend rocks up armed with biscuits and we chat over a cuppa.

Doesn't happen as much now, most of my friends and family have moved away. I really miss it.

I don't need my friends or family to book an appointment with me.

I HATE unannounced visitors. Very intrusive. A couple of hours notice is fine.

Im not a fan, there’s no need when we have phones to text now.
I think it also assumes you aren’t busy just because they aren’t. Like PP said it falls into the idea women are sitting about at home with only housekeeping and visitors to fill there time.

The worst people are the ones who pop by and then complain you weren’t in. DH has several friends who have stopped by because they thought DH might randomly be in on a Wednesday morning and not at work and then are put out because he’s not in.

Yanbu especially when people turn up when we've sat down to eat tea or are in the middle of bath and bedtime. If people just sent a quick message I'd make sure I'm available for them.

Absolutely this 😂
I'd always rather be a guest, but rarely visit as I know I will be expected to host in return.

Oh, and wouldn't dream of doing it to anyone else without a pre-arranged meet-up.

Most people work from home nowadays at least some of the time.

God no. Far too old for that shit. Depends who it is of course.

I live in an appartment and have an intercom. I can just make an excuse about going out if not convenient. Hardly ever happens anymore. Usually just the postie to leave a package for a neighbour.

I prefer it if people let me know they’re wanting to come over. Absolutely hated it when I was newly postpartum. There would be a knock on the door and I’d be sat in my disposable underwear with my boobs out recovering from surgery and barely functioning. Probably covered in baby sick too 😂 and then “just here for a cuddle with the baby and a cuppa - pop the kettle on”

If I get a quick text to let me know, it’s not so bad now. But I’m due again imminently, but this time we thankfully have moved areas, so those who just pop by won’t be able to do so as easily.

Hate it and only my mil does it. So double hate it. We will be in the middle of something that’s normally made the house an upside down jumble sale and ding dong. Then there’s the snide remarks. Go away you weren’t invited.

I’d feel bad for not being able to give time to the visitors due to my schedule. I’d say nice to see you but I’m busy so do message me next time so that I can arrange to be available.

I think it is more of a MN thing than an 'English' thing.

I love having an unexpected visitor.
If it weren't convenient, then I'd say so, and see them another time.

My house is always "lived in" in appearance, and that is fine - friends call to see me (or someone else in the house) not do a house inspection.

I think it is so disrespectful to go to people’s houses unnannouced.

A friend did this once - luckily I was not home. She messaged me to say she was outside (I was going through a bereavement and she wanted to show support - but her turning up was worse!)

Ill get trashed but I feel that popping in is an outdated and misogynistic practice.

I feel like in the days where everyone lived locally and only 1 adult (the man) in the family worked, this would have been fine.

Now both household adults including the woman need to work in most households to survive, but the practice of popping in still suggests that there should be a woman at home ready and available to welcome visitors with the kettle on.

In most cases now the woman of the house is probably also trying to work a full time job on top of most of what a woman was expected to do 60 years ago. I’ve certainly had to tell MIL on several occasions that although I am at home I am working. I can’t just stop for a chat and put the kettle on. I’m working 9 hour days, some of which involve sitting in back to back meetings for several hours.

I completely agree with this!!!

Hate it, my dad does it all the time, usually just as we are sitting down to eat or have 3 minutes to get ready and go out or the 15 minutes I have to myself before the school run!
I realise he used to do the same to my aunty when I was little.
Every Sunday he would take my sister and I uninvited to her house for hours, we would expect to be fed, play in her garden etc. I remember we would look through the windows if no one answered, so rude!

What ignorant bollocks 😂

I’m autistic and people showing up unexpectedly feels like an invasion. My home is my safe space. If someone is entering it I need time to prepare. I’m also always exhausted afterwards. It’s much easier to meet people elsewhere.

Used to hate this but learned to love it. I really get it though op. The reason I can love it is because my visitors are all non judgemental people, but I know my bedt friend finds it hard when her mil comes by mainly because she will be the person to notice and voice it if the house isn't tidy, if not to her than to others and nobody picks her up on it. Depends on your circle as much as it does you!