Who is unreasonable re fuel?

I'm embarrassed for the people who think it's ok to profit off friends when it costs you nothing to do a favour.

Favours often do cost though don't they?

Whether it's time waiting for someone or going out of your way to pick up/drop off.

True. I would absolutely pay if asked so she's wrong not to.

I think posters need to bear in mind that the OP and her friend are students and not generally rolling in cash. I drilled into my own children at this age that cars and fuel are expensive and they needed to contribute when offered lifts. This isn't about affluent women in their 30s, 40s and 50s, though even then I think it's polite to offer and not assume.

I think you’re both being unreasonable. I genuinely wouldn’t ask for money from a friend for a week that’s a one off and doesn’t leave me out of pocket. I’d see it as doing them a short term favour and would assume they’d take me for a drink, get me some flowers or something.

Equally, in your friend’s shoes if you asked me to split the costs, then I would do so straight away, without quibbling about it.

I'm embarrassed for the people who think it's ok to profit off friends when it costs you nothing to do a favour.

If it were me cadging a lift I would definitely be offering you something, not waiting on the giver of lifts to ask. Cheeky

As a lift giver I would’nt expect to be paid and would say no if offered. As a lift taker I would offer expecting to be refused, but would willingly pay if it was accepted.

In my view, it's a bit tight of you to ask a friend to contribute money to a journey you are making anyway, when the request is for a limited time period. In friendships things like this are usually 'pay it forward'. It is not pleasant to be in a friendship with someone who is penny pinching every transaction about who paid more for x, who bought the last round, who drove who where etc. I would only expect to halve petrol if we were sharing a long journey, such as a road trip/holiday, or if the driver was going out of their way. I'd find it really weird if a friend was going somewhere anyway, dropped me off and asked for petrol. Having said that, I would pay just to avoid embarassment, but it would tar the friendship. I'd also not expect a friend to pay me in that circumstance as I'm not a taxi. I'm their mate.

Now obviously we have all come across people who take the piss - and where that is the case boundaries do need to be drawn, e.g. 'you need to buy a round now, as I've never seen you buy me a drink.' But mostly I think these things wax and wane, and where you can afford to be generous to someone, you should be. Perhaps your friend will buy you a thank you gift, or take you to dinner. Or just be more inclined to be there for you in the future when you need something. I don't really understand such transactional friendships.

She says I’m being unreasonable as I’d be going anyway.

........

That's your decision to make not hers.

Tell her the walk will give her time to reflect on her arrogance and entitled attitude.

If Op is tight for asking, surely her friend is also tight for assuming it wouldn't cost her at all?

Well, at the end of the day Op is the one with the car so she's in the driving seat!

I wouldn't have asked under these circumstances, but the fact that you have and she'd actually refusing is cheeky, so sadly at this point I wouldn't take her out of principle, but I do think this should have been avoided as it's a short term favour and you're going anyway.

It’s a week - I just can’t imagine getting so worked up over this 😵‍💫

If you're driving anyway then it's a bit mean to try to make a profit from her by asking for petrol money tbh.

Student though. Not to be unexpected I'd have thought.

Does she expect you to pick her up or will she make her way to your digs? and be dropped at yours. I wouldn’t act as a taxi service.

If I was her I’d contribute something though.

I don't think it makes the driver unreasonable though to have asked. Obviously this is only a snapshot of their relationship, and as described by the OP it is transactional in this example.

What goes around comes around. If you split the cost that's fine, it's also transactional. Say you're sick, could you ask this friend to do some shopping? Would she help you out ? If she's a friend and you value the friendship be kind and generous to her and nurture a friendship.

Wouldn't expect to be given money for a trip I was already doing and wouldn't accept it if it was offered.

This. Bit tight to have asked.

Exactly this!

Is that applying to the OP for wanting to benefit by saving money on the necessary journey or to the friend for wanting to benefit by saving money on the necessary journey?

I think it's only one week so I wouldn't have said anything. Your friend might have offered money at the end of the week or paid for a drink on a night out as a thank you. If it was something more long term then yes it would be right for them to pay.

Given you are doing her an favour and she will be the one saving money by not using public transport or uba it seems unreasonable to not respond positively to your request

Thank you for articulating this much more clearly than I did.

For me, friendships are all about give and take. Usually, things balance out over the time, though it doesn't always matter if that isn't the case - I have friends to whom I have almost certainly given more than I have received, simply because I am in a position to do so. I don't keep tally because they are my friends.

Insisting that each and every interaction has to be equal would suck all of the joy out of relationships in my view.

Yes, indeed.

When if comes to the idea of OP saving money by having a passenger going to the same place and sharing the costs, she's apparently VVVU and a bad friend; but when it comes to the train or bus fare that the friend will save by getting her necessary journey both upgraded AND free, that's just naturally assumed to be fine and not worthy of a mention.

Even if not taking the actual fuel cost for the car into account, you'd have thought that a good friend might have reckoned that they would be paying for the train anyway, so they may as well give the equivalent money to the person kindly driving them as a contribution for a much more pleasant and comfortable journey.