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AIBU?

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Original poster

To message DP neighbour on FB

34 replies

theverved · 08/04/2025 10:44

My DP are in their 80s. They recently discovered they had rats nesting under their shed. They had someone come and sort it out and were advised that the neighbours bird feeders were attracting the rats

my DF spoke to his neighbours who agreed to take the feeders down. Fast forward 1 week and the feeders are back up. DF asked their neighbour about this and was basically told that by the neighbour that they have no issues with rats in their garden and as their children enjoy watching the birds they’d be leaving the feeders up.

DM is beside herself with worry and stress about the rats.

I have their neighbour as a friend in Facebook so last night I messaged them and told them once again what my parents had been advised and asked them to take feeders down. No reply as yet.

Told my DS and she has gone mad at me. Said it was out of order to contact neighbours and said I could have caused trouble for DP. Said it is not my business to sort.

I contacted them as I was worried that my DP may not have advocated for themselves as well as I could.

Was it unreasonable to reach out?

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 08/04/2025 10:53

It's not really your business. And frankly if there are no rats in their garden I don't see why they should have to remove the feeders.

During summer bird feeders aren't necessary so hopefully they'll take them down then?

But if I were you I'd leave it. Just focus on helping your mum do rat proofing or whatever in her own property.

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/04/2025 10:53

YABU. There are rats everywhere, with or without bird feeders. You can’t tell people what they can and can’t do in their own garden.

Dumbdog · 08/04/2025 10:52

Gently, I think asking them to take down their feeders is ridiculous. You haven’t suggested your parents take down their shed, which would solve the rat nest problem, have you?

Rats are always going to live close to humans and one set of bird feeders isn’t supporting an entire colony. You remove the feeders, they focus on the compost heaps. Get rid of them and they break into the bins.

Much better to focus on minimising contact with the rats - make sure the shed is free from points of entry, put rat-proof grates over drains / pipes / air bricks etc.

To answer your OP more specifically - yes, you were unreasonable to message them. You may have had a better outcome if you’d talked to them face to face, but as above, you are focusing on the wrong thing.

UndermyShoeJoe · 08/04/2025 10:50

They are allowed bird feeders. Your parents have asked. They complied but then missed the birds so decided to feed them again.

They are not doing anything wrong unless they maybe have too many feeders and attracting hordes of pigeons and such.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 08/04/2025 10:49

You're really being unreasonable. Bird feeders in a garden is such a normal thing to have, as long as they store the food where rats can't get to it then it's not that much of an attraction.

Hoppinggreen · 08/04/2025 10:48

Rats in the garden aren't a big deal unless they are causing damage or coming into the house so unless either of those things are happening There is nothing to worry about
Also, if your parents neighbours want to have bird feeders up they have every right to and the fact that they put them back up means they DO want them
I think you over stepped, unless it was life or death you should have stayed out of it, unless of course your parents ask for your help.

FoxRedPuppy · 08/04/2025 10:47

Unreasonable to tell them again. You’ve told them and they’ve decided they want the bird feeders. You can’t dictate what they have in their garden.

Shoxfordian · 08/04/2025 10:47

It's all unreasonable really, the neighbours are entitled to have bird feeders if they want to, maybe the shed can be secured more to deter rats? I don't think you should have contacted them though, they've made their decision.

Onthelinetoday · 08/04/2025 10:46

It was unreasonable to reach out without letting them know what you were intending on doing.

I also don’t think Facebook is the appropriate platform to do it though