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AIBU?

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Original poster

I don’t know what happened when I was drunk.

235 replies

BeLemonTraybake · 08/04/2025 10:00

A few weeks ago, I was at a work event when Im embarrassed to say got very drunk. I am not a drinker, but I must have just totally overdone it and my body is not used to that.

I have a chunk of time where I am unaccounted for. My colleagues don’t know where I was, but it was at quite a big venue so there could be an explanation for that. There were other groups at the event other than my colleagues. But equally, I really don’t know what happened.

i have been running through scenarios for the past few weeks and have even told my husband my fears, and he had told me he is sure it’s all fine and I just need to move on. But I can’t.

I have run through some scenarios that I have even begun to convince myself of.

I am so upset with myself for this and frightened about what I could have done or what could have happened. I am blessed with an amazing husband and children, and I feel like I could have jeopardised everything.

I have no one really to talk to irl about this. I just don’t know what to do or how to move on and would really appreciate advice.

Im not expecting you to be kind to me here. I understand that this is all my own fault. I’m just in a mess and don’t know how to put one foot in front of the other.

OP posts:
Edel12345 · 08/04/2025 10:31

Sorry you are going through this I would be concerned I made a fool of myself in front of work colleagues and would be beating myself up over that

When you reappeared did you colleagues ask you where you had been / how you were acting? How did you get home?

I would assume (but thankfully no experience) if something sinister happened you would have bruising and feel sore?

Original poster
BeLemonTraybake · 08/04/2025 10:30

Someone at the event made a pass at me earlier on in the evening. I think this has added to my fear. I was in no way interested in this person and it’s someone I don’t actually know who was at another event there.

OP posts:
bettydavieseyes · 08/04/2025 10:29

This is such a weird anxiety, sorry OP. There would be signs you had sex surely? Besides it so unlikely you would if you wouldn't dream if it in real life.

candycane222 · 08/04/2025 10:28

I imagine you felt quite unwell (I would have done) and went to the loo, sat down and...time passed, you sobered up enough to get up again and found your way back to the party. Or as pps said, a quiet corner where you could lie down for a bit

Original poster
BeLemonTraybake · 08/04/2025 10:28

LeaveTaking · 08/04/2025 10:26

What makes you think you had sex? Is there something which led up to your disappearance that makes you think this or how you felt the next day?

If you were that drunk then surely you wouldn’t have been able to consent.

However, I have had black out drinking when younger and the anxiety after can create an awful void and panic. I don’t drink now.

As others have said, it’s possible you were asleep or in the toilets, but it does sound like you have reason to think otherwise.

Edited

I know that this is right. I really was that drunk that I would believe consent to be impossible. Doesn’t mean nothing happened though. There is nothing specific that indicates I had sex. I suppose it’s just the worst possible scenario and I can’t rule it out since I have no memory.

OP posts:
Dueanamechange2025 · 08/04/2025 10:27

This sounds really odd to me. The fact that you are so hung up on having sex / being taken advantage of suggests deep down you know you did something. It’s just not the first place a married woman’s head would go unless you have some form of doubt. I’d be more worried id embarrassed myself in front of colleagues by doing or saying something daft. I don’t have form for randomly sleeping with people so it wouldn’t cross my mind.

LeaveTaking · 08/04/2025 10:26

What makes you think you had sex? Is there something which led up to your disappearance that makes you think this or how you felt the next day?

If you were that drunk then surely you wouldn’t have been able to consent.

However, I have had black out drinking when younger and the anxiety after can create an awful void and panic. I don’t drink now.

As others have said, it’s possible you were asleep or in the toilets, but it does sound like you have reason to think otherwise.

Fibrous · 08/04/2025 10:26

happens to the best of us!

FeelinTwentySixPointTwo · 08/04/2025 10:24

You were probably just passed out in a toilet cubicle. I would try not to overthink but, instead, use the "hangxiety" to make some positive changes.

Getting so pissed isn't good at the best of times, but to do so at a work event would be potential career suicide for many of us. I'm not trying to sound judgy - I've been there - and it's the main reason I gave up drinking altogether.
I wasn't a big drinker and it didn't take much for me to completely overdo it which sounds pretty much the same as you. I don't miss it at all.

Original poster
BeLemonTraybake · 08/04/2025 10:24

I know that logically, nothing probably happened. But the word probably is what’s bothering me. I have a history of anxiety and I know that this will plague me until I be as sure as I can be. So maybe a pregnancy test and STD check will help to give me that peace of mind. I’ve literally had 3 weeks of hell trying to deal with this and tying myself up in knots.

OP posts:
noidea69 · 08/04/2025 10:23

TaggieO · 08/04/2025 10:19

You can go to any walk-in sexual health clinic.

Surely you know if you’ve had sex though?

Show quote history

The cynic in me says she knows what happened, and wants to get ahead of the narrative before it eventually comes out, and this is thread should really be titled "can i get an STD check without my GP finding out".

foxandbee · 08/04/2025 10:22

BeLemonTraybake · 08/04/2025 10:20

No, I’ve never posted about this.

Show quote history

It may be of comfort then to know you are not the only person who has gone through this.

I am sure nothing bad has happened. You made a mistake, be kind to yourself.

CanOfMangoTango · 08/04/2025 10:22

You were probably still with your colleagues and nothing really happened other than drunken silliness.

If something significant did occur someone would have noticed as drunk people are not subtle and you world have been told about it.

Don't worry. Just stop getting drunk. These incidents are really frightening. I had one when I was younger, I never did find out what happened in the missing hours but I don't think it was anything bad. I was still with my friends at the end of the night.

Original poster
BeLemonTraybake · 08/04/2025 10:21

@BlondeMummyto1 - no phone info to go off as my battery had died earlier in the evening.

OP posts:
BlondeMummyto1 · 08/04/2025 10:20

Any call logs or texts during the time? You could try to piece your night back together through those. Also entirely possible you were right there with everyone and they just didn’t notice you chatting, sat in a corner, in the toilets or even outside.

Original poster
BeLemonTraybake · 08/04/2025 10:20

foxandbee · 08/04/2025 10:19

Have you posted about this before OP? I remember a very similar thread a couple of weeks back.

No, I’ve never posted about this.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeLemonTraybake · 08/04/2025 10:20

TaggieO · 08/04/2025 10:19

You can go to any walk-in sexual health clinic.

Surely you know if you’ve had sex though?

Show quote history

Yes, I know this. Just wasn’t sure if that info goes back to the GP.

OP posts:
TaggieO · 08/04/2025 10:19

BeLemonTraybake · 08/04/2025 10:17

This is what I’ve been considering doing. For peace of mind. But I’m so embarrassed to go. Will it get back to my GP? I know my GP well and would 100% not want this to get back to them.

Show quote history

You can go to any walk-in sexual health clinic.

Surely you know if you’ve had sex though?

potatocrates · 08/04/2025 10:19

In a situation like this you are usually still yourself and act like yourself, it’s just that your brain stops storing memories of that particular period because it is too busy keeping everything else functioning.

foxandbee · 08/04/2025 10:19

Have you posted about this before OP? I remember a very similar thread a couple of weeks back.

Original poster
BeLemonTraybake · 08/04/2025 10:18

I have no memory after a certain point in the evening. But colleagues were with me before I “disappeared” and after when I reappeared.

OP posts:
noidea69 · 08/04/2025 10:18

Have you been totally honest with your OH?

I think if a husband had said to his wife "i got really drunk last night and i'm worried is might have cheated on you" the response wouldn't have been, its fine just move on.

SunshineBirdSong · 08/04/2025 10:18

Most likely you passed out/sat in a toilet cubical for a loooong time xx but if I was you I'd definitely go back to very litte booze

Original poster
BeLemonTraybake · 08/04/2025 10:17

HuffleMyPuffle · 08/04/2025 10:15

If you are worried you slept with someone then get a pregnancy test and a STI check just in case

Reconsider your drinking at events

Have you checked your photos etc to see if there's anything there that might help explain?

This is what I’ve been considering doing. For peace of mind. But I’m so embarrassed to go. Will it get back to my GP? I know my GP well and would 100% not want this to get back to them.

OP posts:
HuffleMyPuffle · 08/04/2025 10:16

Where do you remember being before and after and how much time roughly did you "lose" as well?

You honestly probably were just sitting in a corner and no one took any notice

(Sorry wouldn't let me edit to add)