I don’t know what happened when I was drunk.

That is odd, because you'd assume at least one of your friends would have seen you at some point. If someone was asleep in the toilet surely someone would have noticed the cubicle wasn't in use?

I wonder whether you were spiked. What's your first memory of coming back to see your friends. Do you remember which direction you were coming from?

Get an STD test and a pregnancy test from a clinic rather than your GP and personally that guy who was chasing you that night would be someone I'd avoid in future.

So you had bleeding from your anus the next day? You attribute this to piles but the scenario you are most concerned about is that something sexual happened?

Get a thorough STD test and some therapy. Nobody can tell you what happened but therapy may help you get past it.

@Lovelysausagedogscrumpy have you ever worked with sexually assaulted people? I have. What OP is describing is unfortunately a valid reaction to these kinds of assaults. I can only hope that your ignorance is the cause of your nasty cynical conclusions. Reading between the lines my first thoughts are that she may have been drugged and assaulted not that she knows what has happened. OP is scared and confused. Show some compassion.

This crossed my mind too. I’m wondering if there are some physical signs and OP isn’t being completely honest with herself.

When you black out the thought of what might have happened is scarier than the actual reality of what happened. When it happened to me I had all sorts of visions of ending up dead and leaving my kids without a mother. The reality was I fell asleep drunk and was very lucky my bag wasn't nicked or worse. Stopped me getting so pissed at work events again though.

Maybe you just had a really long poo and stayed on the loo for too long.

You could potentially ask for hotel CCTV as a subject access request?

You haven't jeopardised anything.

You were not fit to consent so IF something happened it's not your fault. The likelihood of a hookup is vanishingly small. This is your anxiety speaking. That is the issue here and that's what you should seek help for.

If it helps you to move on, get a pregnancy test and an STD test. You can ask if it goes on your GP record but again, your anxiety is making the issue here. It doesn't matter what your GP can see, they are a professional and willing have seen it all 1000x over.

I hope you can work through this op.

..or diarrhoea related - if the booze took you that way

It's really clear why you are so anxious, then. You feel that your happiness is precarious so you're terrified of doing anything to jeopardise it. Maybe you feel you don't deserve that happiness, on some level, which is why you're convinced you've Done Something Bad even though it's obvious you haven't (YOU haven't done anything, the worst case scenario is that someone took advantage of YOU). Try and relax, and as someone else who suffers with anxiety, I would strongly recommend getting some therapy.

The piles will be stress-related.

Look - none of us can tell you what happened and realistically you'll likely never know.

Practically you can do a preg test (easy) and if it will put your mind at rest an STD test. Google it and off you go.

I wouldn't say anything else to your DH because he can't do anything about it and you'll just pass on a load more pointless stress and anxiety.

The last thing you can actually do which might bring some closure is to vow not to get blind drunk ever again.

I've lost countless hours in my 20s and 30s when i've been pissed. I've fallen asleep at the edge of a big glass staircase leading to the dance floor of a massive London club. I fell asleep in the middle of a dance floor once come to think of it ... on some random chair someone had put there. Obviously i've had lots of snoozes sat on loo seats.

You probably did just conk out somewhere OP. But take the steps above.

I think it is really unlikely that if something significant had happened you would have no memory of it at all. I know people forget things when drunk, but some memories would have come back to you since, of at least being with someone. I think if you still have no memory at all it is far more likely you passed out somewhere, or went out for some air, or similar. The key thing is to learn from it, and not put yourself in this position again.

Come on, surely there are physical signs if you were having sex? Surely? You were probably having it in your mind, if at all!

I've not exceeded my 2 drink limit at a work event in the last 8 years for exactly this reason.
I passionately kissed a guy while frighteningly drunk (but I DID remember it - just - the next day, at which point I told my DH).
You won't have had sex, that's a really extreme thing to have done and not realistic under the circumstances - ie, you were out at a function/bar and not at a house party with bedrooms and so on.

Without wanting to be graphic, I think you’d have awareness if you had sex.

It sounds like anxiety really has a grip on you with this. Do you have anxiety generally?

Maybe worth seeking some support with this? I had intrusive thoughts when I used to drink. As a PP mentioned, could you try and replace this with sleeping in the loo memories.

The only occasion that I have ever had a period of time that I just can’t account for was when my drink was spiked, could that have happened to you?
Whenever I have been drunk, no matter how bad, I can always vaguely remember what I was doing/saying.

Appreciate we all react differently to alcohol, of course. I would have thought if you had been taken advantage of in some way, that you would have felt the physical effects of it afterwards? It’s a horrible feeling though, to not remember, hope you can put it behind you quickly.

I’d imagine if no one saw you during that time you had simply gone to the toilet and fell asleep or been sick

I suspect you've added two and two together and made five. You're feeling guilty about out-of-character behaviour and are punishing yourself for it by imagining this scenario where you cheated on your husband and don't remember it. Firstly, I am sure you'd have SOME memory of having sex, unless you were drugged. I've had my drink spiked before and trust me, you do know afterwards that you were drugged. (I was fine - a friend took me home). You'd have physical signs of having had sex too.

I once accidentally got really drunk at a friend's hen do (we played beer pong and I've never been able to handle doing shots) and was convinced afterwards I'd snogged the barman, but luckily I hadn't. My friends were with me the whole time and nothing happened. So try not to stress, although do the tests if that'll put your mind at rest.

I agree with the asleep-on-toilet scenario. Happened to me several times in my youth, for up to an hour each time. Unless you have any evidence to worry otherwise, this is the most likely scenario.

I know how you’re feeling to an extent. I had a blackout at a Christmas do several years ago. There was a 2 hour period I have no recollection of. I’ve never had loss of memory in my life so it really bothered me. I was lucky in that my
sober husband was at the event and knew where I was all night and knew I hadn’t done anything daft. But my anxiety lay more in what I might have said to people.
It is a horrible feeling and I really feel for you. I also struggle with ‘’maybes’ and ‘probablys’. I need to know for a fact, but sadly in these cases that isn’t possible. And the only thing that you can go is eventually accept that the chances are that nothing sinister happened and try to carry on with life.

This isn't uncommon. People get unwisely drunk every day of the week, all over the planet.
There's no point in worrying about what might have happened. I'm sure if you were SA'd or robbed or hurt you'd remember a bit or there'd be some evidence?
I hope you know that you just need to only have one or two drinks in future when out with colleagues.
You didn't shame yourself in front of them and they were probably all drunk themselves anyway.

Your husband is right - nothing happened and you need to move on. You'll have been asleep on the loo or something like that. If sex (or sexual assault) had occurred, there would be physical signs.

You’d have some sort of flash backs. Stop worrying.
I also get irrational worries that I can’t let go of sometimes. I think you’ve just got absolutely major beer fear. Let this go 🙂

I have run through some scenarios that I have even begun to convince myself of.

You know these scenarios are just imaginary, don't you? When they start running it is possible to flip them by imaging different ones, such as you fell asleep in a loo (which may well be much closer to the reality) instead. Make it as vivid and detailed as you can and it will become the default 'memory'.

If anything truly shocking happened you would most likely have flashbacks, unless you were unconscious but if you were able to rejoin your colleagues later that’s not the case.

If you remember absolutely nothing then I expect you just dozed off on a chair somewhere.