I don’t know what happened when I was drunk.

You will feel better if you have an STI test.
At least then you will not be anxious being sexual with your DH.

Use the frightening experience to decide never to be too drunk to drive again. It is not worth being out of control as you feel terrible for weeks.

OP- this happened to me a lot in my 20s. I had horrible social anxiety and used to get drunk because I thought it would help me. It didnt. I can think of numerous occasions where I blacked out whilst drunk and because I genuinely couldnt remember what happened, my mind started creating the most horrific scenarios in my head as to what "might have happened" and then I would start believing they were true and looking for evidence that they happened. Because I had no evidence that they didnt happen, my mind would go into overdrive thinking "but what if......" etc

I often found out later from friends that nothing at all happened but my mind was in such a panic that I would believe the intrusive thoughts and at points it made me feel almost suicidal. This cycle would continue- I'd calm down and feel better. Then after a few weeks my friends would invite me out and the entire cycle happened over and over again. It was mental torture.

A few thoughts: for me, I had to completely stop drinking. Alcohol and anxiety do not mix. Hangxiety is a real physical thing caused by your brain dumping a load of simulants into your system to counter effect the depressive effects of alcohol. I realised I was prone to anxiety, verging on OCD which is why the intrusive thoughts became out of control when hungover or after drinking.
Giving up alcohol and focusing on cultivating a peaceful life has helped me immensely. I still go out socialising but I drink diet coke, I get amazing sleep and best of all, I never ever have to have this awful post drinking feeling ever again.

I suspect you might be wired a bit similar to me. My advice is - its done now, there is no point ruminating or fretting over it or getting into a frenzy of imagination of "what ifs...". I would give up alcohol (at least for a few months) - you might be so blown away by the peace of it that you never want to go back- just like me. You'll be ok x

I would take practical steps to deal with this. If you really think you had sex (i would think you'd know/feel if you did) I would start with 1. Take a pregnancy test. 2. Get STI checks. 3. Seek counselling. You'll never know what happened in that time. It is scary when it happens & that's why many people who have experienced a similar drunken black out (me included) don't drink or stick to one/two glasses.

You have to get this under control or it's going to spoil your life.

OP I’m sorry you’re experiencing prolonged hangxiety. Being blackout drunk is the worst and sadly you won’t get those hours back. When I was younger this used to happen to me a lot! (Not proud of this). But I’d find out the next day from friends that I was just chatting shit, dancing badly or sleeping on a sofa.. I’d always wake up in my own bed too, I’d of taken off my make up, had food, put pyjamas on and have zero recollection. I tell you this because chances are this is what you were up to, chatting rubbish to strangers.

if you’d had sex wouldn’t you be able to tell? Drunk sex is always a bit rougher, less inhibited. But if it calms you down get checked out- I believe places like Superdrug can do this and your GP doesn’t need to know.

DO NOT blow up your lovely life over this. Honestly over time it won’t matter. Be kind to yourself, none of us (even judgy Mumsnetters), are infallible.

Big hugs xx

How much did you drink, and how long were you gone for? If it was a long time and the memory loss doesn't seem proportional to the amount you drank, I would worry that my drink had been spiked in this scenario. There's too many stories coming out recently about serial rapists using drugs.

Fingers crossed that it's overkill, that you just sat in a corner with your head spinning, but I think it's not a bad idea to get the STD checks.

OP has said she has a history of anxiety. She has not said she has OCD. If so it would be useful to share that information. Someone with diagnosed OCD isn't going to be able to take on board any rational thoughts or explanations that posters make. Instead OP should seek professional help. OCD is a debilitating condition.

I can understand the feeling of vulnerability and anxiety but I have had friends in the past who would say they got so drunk they don’t remember a thing, but not one of them said they therefore must have had sex with someone. It just seems a strange assumption to go to out of nowhere.

If you were really drunk enough to blank out, you would know if you would have had sex, you wouldn't have got your underwear back on properly, would have bruises, discharge etc. If you had been assaulted you would have returned to your colleagues in a state eg upset, make up messed up, clothes ripped or something. As everyone has said its most likely you just sat somewhere/fell asleep on the toilet or wandered around lost.

It’s your anxiety talking.
I don’t think anything happened because it was a big venue and lots of people so people were all over, they moved chaotically it would be impossible to find a remote place to deal something sinister with you for 2 hours without someone noticing.
However as you are worried I would do checks: pregnancy test, STI test, check your bank account for the unusual activity. Also ask all of your colleagues, especially the one who brought you into the room and ask if anyone has any photos.
In principal you can ask about CCTV at the venue? Not sure how you can go about it but it’s possible.
You can approach it from the point that you are worried as there was a person who made a pass at you ie that you are worried that you had a seizure or bumped your head. You need a plausible enough reason to start asking.
I was never a big drinker so never passed out but a few of my friends were and it always involved basically falling asleep where you were standing up however unusual the spot was.

Anxiety and OCD. I'm the same. I've never done anything in that state IRL either, just been horrified at leaving myself potentially vulnerable enough for it to happen.

You were probably throwing up somewhere. You need tests to put your mind at rest. Counselling too, it sounds a bit like you're trying to sabotage the only good thing in your life.

I think you are massively overreacting. There is nothing at all to suggest you did anything with anybody. There would have been some evidence. This sounds like your anxiety at play. You certainly shouldn’t blow your life up by leaving over something that very likely didn’t happen.

Of all the things, why has your mind gone to that without apparently a shred of evidence?

Hi OP, this is your anxiety talking. When your brain can’t remember things it tries to help by filling in the gaps and it will ALWAYS go to the worst thing possible. It’s like a form of self protection. The anxiety will pass and you will start to feel better. Try and be kind to yourself, drink lots of fluids and try to get outside for some fresh air. Don’t let yourself ruminate on things as you can’t think yourself out of anxiety and it won’t make it better x

This comment is what's making me think you do know what happened.

Forgive yourself. Your husband's already forgotten. You lost an hour of the evening.

And how does not remembering affect them and this?

What a charmer.

Oh bore off.

Agree with this. I have anxiety and OCD and exactly the same tendencies to catastrophise as the OP is showing.

OP, don't even think about leaving your husband. That's your lack of self-worth due to what sounds like a horrible childhood talking. You haven't done anything wrong - you just drank too much. I've done the same thing hundreds of times. Please do think about getting some CBT as you are experiencing intrusive thoughts.

No it would not be your fault. If you were as drunk as you remember, you could not give proper consent as you weren't in your right mind.

This is the most likely scenario. Time flies when you're in your cups and having a sit down. My friend in our early twenties was worried she couldn't remember what happened at a party. I was able to reassure her she was asleep behind a sofa. Bad enough I suppose but hardly scandalous.

It sounds like nothing anyone here says will reassure you, so what are you going to do?

OP it is simply fact that you cannot consent to anything when in such a state of intoxication.

It sounds like your DH, being the only person from whom you would require forgiveness if you were of sound mind (which you weren’t) and had consented to an affair (which you couldn’t have), doesn’t hold any of this against you.

So why are you so intent on punishing yourself?

It really does sound like you’re suffering from anxiety, for which you should seek help as soon as possible.

I completely understand being concerned for your safety, and being worried in case you had been assaulted, but your fixation on your “fault” or failure is misplaced.

Like everyone else, you made a mistake. This mistake was miscalculating your drink. You won’t find anyone in the world who hasn’t made a mistake. You are not special in that regard. In the same way you must forgive others, even forgiving those that you love for how they hurt you, you must also occasionally be forgiven, even by those that you love for how you hurt them. Again, this isn’t special - and what I mean by that, is that this isn’t a catastrophic scenario. Don’t turn it into something it isn’t by choosing to overreact (such as leaving your DH when he hasn’t asked you to!).

As I said - and I mean this very kindly and gently - it really sounds like you need some therapy and mental health support to work through your feelings about this.