I don’t know what happened when I was drunk.

This is ocd and anxiety as others have said. People without this can shrug this off and you can’t because you’re catastrophising. You’re living it over and over and trying to remember which is feeding the original fear. I’d say you needed some support with the anxiety over anything else. The fact you care so much about this situation is a testament to how much you care for your family. Try and think of the bigger picture.

It's possible that you were spiked.

Have you asked these colleagues if you were with anyone,or anyone was hanging around you .
Could your drink of been spiked

If you’d had sex, there would be some physical signs, I’m sure. Best not to get that drunk again though.

OP, I had this exact scenario a couple of times while at uni. I obsessed over it too, and also 'confessed' to a boyfriend at the time.

What I can say now though, with 20 years of hindsight, is that my anxiety and OCD was very bad at the time and was directly causing this obsession. I think you need to think of this as an anxiety problem that you need to calm yourself from, not a cheating situation that you need to punish yourself for.

Let the guilt go - you almost certainly did nothing wrong.

A little harsh! This woman is distressed enough.

Be kind to yourself. Get tested and get therapy to help you get past this. Xx

I once had a complete loss of memory from drinking too much for a couple of hours due to drinking too much but nothing bad happened as I was in the company of my family all the time at a wedding. So get a pregnancy test and std check and then forget it. As to considering leaving your husband and children..that would be very cruel indeed.

This is why I'm now sober.

Look - it's one of two things. Maybe you do have some memory/symptoms that you haven't disclosed, and you really do know you had sex, which is why you're fixating on this. Or you have a total blackout and anxiety is feeding you these thoughts.

The thing is, you were so drunk you couldn't consent to sex anyway. So it's just not possible that you cheated - assault isn't cheating.

Now, if you really do remember a bit more then you are telling us - specifically who assaulted you - then you have got the option to report them.

If not, the very best thing you can do is accept you don't remember, and that you haven't betrayed your husband regardless. I can't recommend a teetotal life enough - I am so greatful every morning to wake up without fear.

If no one has said anything you were probably just I’m chatting to someone or in the loo. Seeing as you can’t remember maybe it’s time to stop over thinking what you may have done

Hope you're OK. This scenario happened to me years ago, not a drinker, persuaded to go to a party with people from work while working away from home, drink, 'strange cigarettes', woke up in bed with someone from work. Worst part was ended up pregnant. Bad enough telling OH what had happened, worse weeks later having to tell him of the positive test.

Don't drink now unless he's with me. Though I'd be happy TT.

Sorry, but I think you're being dishonest about something. There is literally NO WAY my thoughts would go this way if I had been drunk at an event, because it's so far removed from something I would do. Why on earth would you assume or even think that you may have had sex with someone?? So bizarre if that's not the norm for you!!

What if you had your drinks spiked and were taken advantage of? Have STI checks as soon as possible. Thereafter, never drink alcohol outside the home, and be very, very wary - never go back to a drink you have left unattended etc. If memories start to appear, have therapy and go from there.

I lost most of 1999...I think I had a good time! No idea.

Edited to say that I was quoting a PP that referred to falling asleep on the loo. "Quote" button failure!

I too would bet on this. I may or may not have fallen asleep on the toilet in my younger years...

I would imagine you'd be aware if something untoward had happened, but do the tests, just to give you peace of mind. You'll be in a constant state of "what if" otherwise.

Assuming they all come back clear, which I imagine they will, you will just have to chalk it up to experience and know that you'll never fully know what happened in that time frame.

If you've already sought therapy in the past about your experience with the man than followed you, I'd encourage you to revisit that.

Take it from us, independent outsiders, that drinking too much and having a blank phase in the night isn't enough to destroy your marriage over, especially when your DH isn't kicking off about it himself.

I think you need to forgive yourself learn from the experience, that you’re safe and it’s not going to happen again if you genuinely think cheating is something that could of happened get checked out, maybe you just fell asleep in a corner or was just chatting to someone else :)

You posted about this before, right? This sounds like OCD/intrusive thoughts. Speak to your GP about CBT - it won't stop here. And if you feed it by trying to find proof nothing happened (it didn't) it makes it worse. I've been there myself and even posted about it at the time I think!

Look obviously drinking that much is probably not the best of ideas, for your health either but I wouldn't worry too much or be too hard on yourself. If you did kiss someone there, it's obvious it wasn't intentional. I would just leave it there. If you think you may have slept with someone on the other hand, you could go for an sti test and keep an eye your not pregnant. I wouldn't mention that fear or that your getting an sti test to your husband because you don't even know if anything did happen. The worst worst case scenario, you are pregnant and then ya, you will have to make a decision on that and break the news to your husband. You got this

Love @FurFangsPawsAndClaws reply, sorry seems to relate to @BeLemonTraybake really well and agree piles probably from sitting on the toilet for so long or a cold surface you didn't realise was cold at the time.

@BeLemonTraybake sorry for repeating what I've already mostly said, but just wanted to be clear.

You can't consent if you are so drunk that you can't remember the next day. That wouldn't be consent, it would be assault and it would not be your fault. I don't think this did happen from what you've posted, but even if your worst case scenario was true you would not be to blame.

I really think you would benefit from counselling and I say this having been to counselling myself. Please don't think about leaving your husband over this or worry that you're not good enough. You haven't done anything wrong.

@BeLemonTraybake I haven't read the full thread, just your updates.

Just wanted to say that from your posts there's really no reason to think that anyone took advantage of you or that you did anything sexual. I think most likely you just feel asleep in the toilets or something. You could have an STD test if it'll help you feel better but I think that you are over worrying.

If someone had taken advantage of you it would be totally their fault and not yours. Not a reason for you to think about leaving your partner because you wouldn't be to blame!! But there's no reason to think this happened anyway.

I think you would benefit from finding a good therapist to talk this through with, hopefully they would help you feel better. It sounds like your anxiety is the problem here - I also have anxiety so I know what it's like. A good therapist can really help.

Personally, I think you need some sort of intense therapy.

You would STILL know if you had sex. Someone would have told you that your clothes were messed up, and you would feel it.

I think you are concerned about a fear that isn't realistic.

I hope you stick to ginger ale and water from now on, though. It seems drinking and you don't go together well.

Did they ask you where you’d been, have you asked them? I think if you’d done anything like you are worried about you would just know if you know what I mean?

Please do not leave your husband over this!!

I’m not sure if PPs have asked this, but isn’t the most obvious thing to just ask a couple of colleagues you work more closely with what happened??

I really think the most likely explanation though is that you took yourself off to the loo and just fell asleep in a cubicle for a couple of hours.

But please be kind to yourself - this is not “you” is it, and you need to move on now.