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AIBU?

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Original poster

I don’t know what happened when I was drunk.

235 replies

BeLemonTraybake · 08/04/2025 10:00

A few weeks ago, I was at a work event when Im embarrassed to say got very drunk. I am not a drinker, but I must have just totally overdone it and my body is not used to that.

I have a chunk of time where I am unaccounted for. My colleagues don’t know where I was, but it was at quite a big venue so there could be an explanation for that. There were other groups at the event other than my colleagues. But equally, I really don’t know what happened.

i have been running through scenarios for the past few weeks and have even told my husband my fears, and he had told me he is sure it’s all fine and I just need to move on. But I can’t.

I have run through some scenarios that I have even begun to convince myself of.

I am so upset with myself for this and frightened about what I could have done or what could have happened. I am blessed with an amazing husband and children, and I feel like I could have jeopardised everything.

I have no one really to talk to irl about this. I just don’t know what to do or how to move on and would really appreciate advice.

Im not expecting you to be kind to me here. I understand that this is all my own fault. I’m just in a mess and don’t know how to put one foot in front of the other.

OP posts:
BeeLemonTraybake · 09/04/2025 08:51

Do I tell my husband about this thought I keep getting?

BeeLemonTraybake · 09/04/2025 08:33

Sorry, slight name change.

Thanks for the replies. I just keep having an image of someone in a hotel room with me. This person has no face in my memory and there is no memory of anything happening, but this is what I have come up with when I’ve tried desperately to wrack my brains. I’ve literally sat with my eyes closed for about an hour straight yesterday just desperately trying to think of what happened, to the point I have no idea if this happened or if I’m creating this in my mind.

I know this is awful and don’t worry, I totally hate myself right now. I’m just feeling so lost and alone.

HardyKoala · 08/04/2025 21:36

cestlaviecherie · 08/04/2025 19:33

In your situation I'd call the venue and explain you're worried you were taken advantage of and ask them to watch the CCTV for that time period and tell you if you're on it and what you were doing.

Hey, hello. I was at your venue the other night and I got absolutely hammered. Now I’m worried I had sex with someone and am thinking of leaving my family because of it. Why do I think that? No, nothing like that. Im just thinking it might have happened. Could you watch a few hours of footage from different cameras around your venue and let me know what I was up to. Be a love. Thanks

Tbrh · 08/04/2025 20:35

I think you are being a serious drama queen tbh. It's likely nothing happened and you sat in the corner somewhere or just talked to random people. Unless you had a reason to believe this, eg your underwear is missing etc, kindly you're being ridiculous

ImNotARegularMomIACoolMom · 08/04/2025 20:31

Yesterdaywassunny · 08/04/2025 19:04

You're not the person you were 20 years ago when you would get drunk and hook up - I was that young woman in my 20s, so no judgement at all. I also know what the horrors of having a memory blackout are - it's awful, and so easy to punish yourself over it.

You're older, wiser and you are faithful to your husband and you love him and your children. Of course you wouldn't have wanted to have sex with somone, you don't turn into a different person when you're drunk. You haven't hurt anyone, except yourself with piles! It's 99% likely that you fell asleep on the toilet to end up with piles.

In the very unlikely event that a man took advantage of you, you should have an STD test at a walk in clinic, and a pregnancy test while you're there, just to put your mind at ease.

Your husband isn't making a big deal out of this, so you cannot leave him over this. You have to forgive yourself, even if it needs counselling or short term anti-anxiety medication.

Please stop being so hard on yourself, I don't know you but I wish I could give you a hug. 💐

Same I really feel for her cuz been there as have most
i think op feels so guilty and she’s unaware that it happens and it’s just what we us regular crashouts people have dealt with a few times😰
Beer Fear is the worst it really does send you into frantic panic sometimes

HardyKoala · 08/04/2025 20:26

cestlaviecherie · 08/04/2025 19:33

In your situation I'd call the venue and explain you're worried you were taken advantage of and ask them to watch the CCTV for that time period and tell you if you're on it and what you were doing.

This is hilarious.

cestlaviecherie · 08/04/2025 19:33

In your situation I'd call the venue and explain you're worried you were taken advantage of and ask them to watch the CCTV for that time period and tell you if you're on it and what you were doing.

joliefolle · 08/04/2025 19:05

OP - As others have said your first thought/feeling was not that there had been any sexual activity. Later, when your mind has started to create a number of stories to fill in the hole in your memories, the one that has stuck, on a loop, is the worst one for you. The one that is related to your past, and particularly an experience that you needed counselling over, coupled with your biggest fear - losing your family. Again, as others have said, this is how intrusive thoughts in OCD work. It is worth seeing someone with expertise in OCD ERP therapy if this loop doesn't run itself out very soon. Don't hesitate to ask for help, you 100% deserve to ask for and to receive help if you need it. You got pissed, that was it.

Yesterdaywassunny · 08/04/2025 19:04

You're not the person you were 20 years ago when you would get drunk and hook up - I was that young woman in my 20s, so no judgement at all. I also know what the horrors of having a memory blackout are - it's awful, and so easy to punish yourself over it.

You're older, wiser and you are faithful to your husband and you love him and your children. Of course you wouldn't have wanted to have sex with somone, you don't turn into a different person when you're drunk. You haven't hurt anyone, except yourself with piles! It's 99% likely that you fell asleep on the toilet to end up with piles.

In the very unlikely event that a man took advantage of you, you should have an STD test at a walk in clinic, and a pregnancy test while you're there, just to put your mind at ease.

Your husband isn't making a big deal out of this, so you cannot leave him over this. You have to forgive yourself, even if it needs counselling or short term anti-anxiety medication.

Please stop being so hard on yourself, I don't know you but I wish I could give you a hug. 💐

ImNotARegularMomIACoolMom · 08/04/2025 18:59

BeLemonTraybake · 08/04/2025 11:47

Only the part of me that believes he (and my children) deserves better.

Show quote history

The reason why your husband has been so calm about this is because he knows you and he knows that you would never do anything to potentially ruin your marriage
that’s a good thing OP, and you know it too all your feeling us beer fear I’ve blacked out so many times and have had the exact same feeling! In my last relationship something similar happened and I feared the worst because like you I blacked out and woke up in bed at home and I couldn’t remember nothing I still can’t now and I still
remembered the guilt I felt and to this day I’m as none the wiser about what happened as I did then
if you had sex (this is what I told myself) you’d know! You just blanked out stop worrying about it because the more you’ll try to think the more you end up forgetting about that night

BMW6 · 08/04/2025 18:57

I wonder if you've done this subconsciously to "punish" yourself OP?

Sounds like you have a lot of unresolved trauma, and you seem to latch onto worst case scenarios where others would think no more than Bloody Hell I was so pissed I have a blank spot in my memory - then would think no more about it.

ImNotARegularMomIACoolMom · 08/04/2025 18:44

noidea69 · 08/04/2025 10:23

The cynic in me says she knows what happened, and wants to get ahead of the narrative before it eventually comes out, and this is thread should really be titled "can i get an STD check without my GP finding out".

Show quote history

Ugh have a day off this shit happens so often

ImNotARegularMomIACoolMom · 08/04/2025 18:41

I’ve been in this situation a few times and you just CANT get over it it’s like this constant anxiety and fear because you don’t remember

however I will always know if I’ve had sex or not because I can just tell
What is your gut telling you here?
has anyone at work been acting sus since?
would you not know like not be able to feel you’ve dtd?

Switcher · 08/04/2025 18:41

ComtesseDeSpair · 08/04/2025 11:53

Talking about leaving your husband over getting drunk and having no memory of a couple of hours seems extreme. If your colleagues found you, they’d have had a pretty good read on whether you seemed distressed or dishevelled. You can make up all kinds of scenarios but in the absence of ever knowing, I’m going to bet something like my EA at the work Christmas party. She chatted a lot of shit to a few people at a completely different Christmas party, had a snooze in a corner, and then got scooped up and ushered through her hotel room door to sleep it off when a couple of colleagues found her in the lift just travelling up and down between the floors.

People get drunk sometimes. There’s nothing to be gained from beating yourself up with what ifs which are in all likelihood not at all what happened, you’ll drive yourself mad. You’ve taken from it that you aren’t going to get drunk again - that’s the important bit. Your children don’t “deserve better” (an otherwise happy family splitting up is better?) because you made a dumb judgement call on handling your wine.

Edited

sorry I'm dying of laughter

Frostynoman · 08/04/2025 18:30

I think the advice of a walk in clinic is good. I would also urge you to carefully consider your relationship with alcohol. Are you still having counselling?

Tumbler2121 · 08/04/2025 18:29

I was just going to say this but MOJO already did ...
"
"You’ve just had a drunk “blackout” - I’ve had them a couple of times and it really scared me as I literally remember nothing - although friends have reported that I was either chatting away to random people or I was sat quietly not saying anything"

I've done the same, the blackouts have worried me (my bank tells me I bought more drinks than I thought, although some not for me) but anyone I've asked always says I seemed fine.

Minecraftvsroblox · 08/04/2025 17:49

You had a lucky escape op

Pedallleur · 08/04/2025 17:46

OP, you got home seemingly without any bruises, bites, burns, any other marks. Your clothing wasn't in disarray, you had your belongings. No one seems to have posted pics of you in flagrante or doing something embarrassing and you aren't the talk of work. So that's the good news. Just be aware next time and limit your intake or watch your drink in case you were spiked

vitahelp · 08/04/2025 17:44

She’s gone to sex as it is the worst case scenario for the memory gap. She is catastrophising.

Minecraftvsroblox · 08/04/2025 17:41

BunnyLake · 08/04/2025 17:32

Having sex or thinking you might have without any evidence?

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Yes

Minecraftvsroblox · 08/04/2025 17:40

BeLemonTraybake · 08/04/2025 10:17

This is what I’ve been considering doing. For peace of mind. But I’m so embarrassed to go. Will it get back to my GP? I know my GP well and would 100% not want this to get back to them.

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Was your knickers wet with a substance that doesn't belong to you?

BunnyLake · 08/04/2025 17:40

BeLemonTraybake · 08/04/2025 11:38

So what do I do next? Do I just get the STD/ pregnancy test and if all clear, try to move on?

I have even considered leaving my husband over this. He deserves someone who is would never do this to him.

Would never do what?

BunnyLake · 08/04/2025 17:32

AnonymousBleep · 08/04/2025 13:21

It isn't remotely uncommon.

Show quote history

Having sex or thinking you might have without any evidence?

NatureOverNightclubs · 08/04/2025 17:20

Nevermindthebuzzard · 08/04/2025 17:06

It's possible that you were spiked.

Lol yeah someone spiked one of the 27 vodkas she pounded. We've all been there OP x

SlightlyJaded · 08/04/2025 17:13

@BeLemonTraybake

I'm going to be honest, though possibly wrong.

I believe that you might have a smidgen of a memory that suggests you did something you know you shouldn't have, and this thread is a way of planting an 'alibi' for yourself so that it if it all comes out you can say "See! I have no memory".

Sorry to be harsh and of course I might be wrong.

I definitely believe you were hammered and not functioning as you normally would, but you are so fixed on sex and it is in fact, really rare to have a complete blackout, but then remember stuff later on....

So assuming I am not wrong, I believe it would be far more helpful to you, i to be honest about what might have/definitely did, happen - get some good advice based on everything you do actually remember and take it from there. You can always get the thread deleted once its served its purpose.