To feel that the reasons some children don't do well at school, isn't because they don't try hard enough?

I didn’t do “well” in school as I was raised by an abusive family with too much outside noise impacting on my education, no one was interested in helping us, last day of school my form teacher asked me if I was being sexually abused 😥

Ds 15 is going to be sitting his GCSE exams in less than 3 weeks, for 2 years and more so in the past 5 months we’ve been battling with the school for him to be tested for dyslexia, apparently he’s at the top of their waiting list… when I asked the SENCO lead if ds was any further along she said she knew nothing about my son.

When I challenged his head of year about this it turned out she “forgot” to send the email….

His English teacher after mocks, asked him to resit the mock on a laptop he scored a 9…. His mock result came back a 6

Again, he sits his exams in less than 3 weeks, it’s absolutely absurd!

I know its not a popular opinion but there are some shite teachers out there I didn't get a maths gcse in school my teacher wouldn't bother marking my work I was in a class which was continuous assessment based we needed to be assessed to progress and I was not it came to a head one day when classmate asked me a question "don't ask her she is a bit thick" I proceed to answer correctly and reason my answer correctly

I am a primary teacher. I was totally invested in my children's education. My ds was bright but couldn't give two hoots. He definitely didn't try hard enough. Everything was in place to make it easy for him to get on but he preferred to have fun, mess around and often asked me why did it matter. I have seen lots of kids, particularly boys like this. He even asked me why do you care: anything to get out of studying and putting in effort.
Eventually as it got nearer the very final exams he kicked in so managed to save the day. But if he had tried harder he could have excelled.
When he went to university he began to put in a bit more effort which had nothing to do with me as he was away from home and a lot of the topics were beyond me.
Lots of kids put in little effort in spite of very motivated parents. My ds was in a very academic school with great teachers but l saw a lot of his friends be the same. You couldn't say they failed in education as they got there eventually but with little effort. But they were happy!!
Lots of children, on the other hand, with some learning difficulties put in massive effort and it's so hard to see them struggle so much. I find this especially true of children with dyslexia. They are so determined but it is an uphill battle for them which is soul destroying.

There are many reasons why children won’t do well.

Sometimes it’s pure lack of ability, despite a lot of effort being put in. They learn some skills and some things , but some kids won’t ever be able to even live independently.

Sometimes it’s circumstances, abuse, trauma, loss , toxic or chaotic households etc. It’s hard to focus on learning when you’re fighting just to survive . Or they miss crucial chunks of their childhoods/learning and it’s extremely hard to come back from that.

Sometimes it’s a lack of aspiration and love of learning, because that’s what they learn/see at home. The bar is set low for them and they have no one to tell them it could be much higher and they could do so much more.

Often , it can be a mix of all of the above.

Sometimes it can just simply be laziness /coasting , but in my opinion that’s a lot rarer completely on it’s own , with no external factors.

And yet in some cultures they have no problems ensuring their kids work with their parents to get homework done.

There are many factors that affect how well children do at school.

Part of the issue is the curriculum.
Part of the issue is funding (we have no TAs at all in KS2).
Part of the issue is class sizes.
Part of the issue is more complex additional needs in the classroom that are difficult to accommodate and teach/whilst teaching a class of 30 which impacts on teaching and learning.
Part of the issue is unsupportive parents, eg, those who argue with the school over anything and everything and refuse to do the basics like read with their children at home.
Part of it is an attitude towards education that is learnt at home.
Part of it is natural variation in intelligence and ability.
Part of it is laziness - some people just lack self motivation and that applies to children too.

And it's not just any of these things in isolation. It's the interplay between them - how each factor impacts on another in the classroom.

I see all of these every day.

If the government want to improve education, they need to speak to teachers. And then they need to listen. And then they need to put their money where their mouth is in the right way.

Ultimately, (the vast majority of) teachers go into it for the right reasons and we all want the same for our children (given most of us are also parents). And that is for them to be safe, feel happy and achieve - whatever that looks like for an individual child.

At the moment many teachers and parents feel like they are fighting education and the system which leads to stress, distress and frustration for all concerned.

This sounds like you think that school leaders deliberately create a bullying, high stress school environment to stop children from learning. Why on earth would they do this? What would they gain?

Although I don't agree with them, the controversial, draconian discipline policies imposed by some schools these days are an attempt to deal with the chaos, violence and disruption to learning caused by the appalling behaviour of many kids. They are designed to allow children to learn, and to a certain extent they seem to work.

Well my kid isn’t trying hard enough now. It revising !! But he also has some rubbish teachers so that hasn’t helped either. The whole education system needs looking at.

I don't think there's a simple answer to this. I was doing well at school until I started getting bullied and picked on by one teacher. Then my grades went down. Even though I tried to study hard, I just didn't do as well. I left school and did my final year via correspondence course, and my good grades returned, and I went on to do well at University.

There are very many reasons kids don't do well, it's not all down to trying hard enough.

I had exposure to a large number of kids due to an extracurricular I was involved in, and some of them were never going to do well in school. Ever. They could only do what was classed as ‘good’ relevant to them. These were kids from good homes, parents heavily invested in education, could throw a lot of $$ at ‘the problem’, but the kids themselves were just never going to be capable beyond a certain point no matter how hard they tried.

It’s because their parents don’t try hard enough.

People have different IQ- some just aren’t capable of achieving top marks.

My DS doesn’t try hard enough and his grades are poor. There is a bit of ADHD at play but overall we’ve reached the conclusion that he just isn’t very ‘clever’ and doesn’t understand the work. And his response to that has been to shrug and brush it all off, despite our best efforts. It’s very difficult to know what to do.

My parents were so critical that I got discouraged from trying because it was never good enough.

At school (in the 70s - 80s), even the tiniest encouragement from a teacher would really lift me - but because I was good and quiet and able enough, I'd be left to my own devices while they wrangled the more attention-demanding kids. I got through Uni and postgraduate education on raw ability and cramming for exams, but do lament what I could have done if I'd had a better work ethic instilled early.

What was missing was the understanding that learning was something good for me, that built me up as a person, instead of being something that was a hoop of obligation to jump through for someone else, for the system.

I am sensing a backstory here, because this seems a big leap. Unless I am way off the mark…

Well of course that is the reason for some children! It would be ridiculous to suggest that absolutely all children who don't do well in school have a reason beyond their control. Not all of the ones who go off the rails, misbehave or fail to make any effort with school work have problems at home. Many do though.

Schools are set up to prevent children from learning, they put them in high stress bullying environments and then expect them to focus on algebra while trying to avoid being sexually assaulted in the playground

i did maths as an adult, a class of 5, i understood
in school, class of 30, nope, completely lost

I don’t think that @RickiRaccoon meant this in a boastful way. She is acknowledging how privilege starts in utero and continues with the engagement, socioeconomical and educational status of the parents.
Some kids, through no fault of their own, have the odds stacked against them - it may be due to parenting factors, disability, ill health etc. And it is unlikely they will meet their full potential by just trying harder.

Yes, this is true and the attainment gap between white boys from certain towns and immigrants is stark. Multiple reasons for this but not the child’s fault. This will be a tough cycle to crack for next generation.

Gold ⭐ for you

Well yes - it's true some kids could try harder. There are noticeable differences between kids from first generation migrant families ( particularly Asian) who value education. A lot of British families give excuses as to why their kids can't try harder, if more effort was put into encouraging their kids to study rather than finding reasons to not study, a significant proportion would get better results.

Child carers, abusive/chaotic home life, some people have the odds stacked against them.

Its opportunity, effort and ability that add upto success at school.

Not everyone is able to get 10x9 grade gcses. Some children have to slog their guts out to get 4s&5s. Some are capable of 6&7s, but make no effort and get 4s. Others... life gets in their way... an illness, stuff outside school, a teacher leaving... and they don't fulfil their full potential.

Well if you got learning difficulties as my DS1 you won't "do well" in school no matter how hard you try or how invested the parents are. He can read, write and do some basic maths at 15 but crucially lacks reading comprehension. He can't do mainstream school no matter how hard he tries.

As for the children who potentially could do well if they worked hard: some are in violent, abusive households or are being bullied. If your MH is compromised it's hard to focus on learning.
We also got the lazy ones ofcourse as my DS2 11 who I have to "force" to do homework or he just wouldn't bother. Thanks to him I'm learning/revising all secondary school subjects because I spend so much time with him doing his homework 😅. He's got excellent grades but if I would leave him to it he would barely pass.