Are you friends with your DCs partners parents?

DS has been with his girlfriend for about 6 years. We have met her parents a few times and have enjoyed it each time. They live a 5 hour drive away but over Christmas we were all in the same town and met for a nice lunch with both families. We will probably never be in each other's pockets but I think we like and respect each other. I love seeing how at ease DS is with them.

DS's wife's mother sent me a FB request before they were engaged. I asked DS to explain that my FB had about 14 friends, some of whom I went to school with and was a largely private group. I compromised and invited her to LinkedIn.

They are nice people but I think privacy needs to be preserved fir the DC. We met when they got engaged, when planning the wedding, at the wedding. We send Christmas cards.

DD's boyfriend's parents want to be friends and I knew them socially before they got together through church. We are maintaining a reserved stance because we reserve the right of the children to maintain personal boundaries. We are anticipating an engagement. They will be harder to keep at arm's length than DIL's parents not least due to shared friends, schools, etc, and they are geographically closer.

We like both sets but they are not and should not be our besties.

My mother and MIL would have scratched each other's eyes out if they had met beyond weddings, christenings and funerals.

I have been with my partner for 15 years and our parents have never met.

If you don't want to socialise with them you just say thanks but no thanks to the invites. You don't have to attend all or any invitations you receive

It sounds like your DS's future in-laws are conscious that you are missing out on family times with your son and that is why they are keen to include you. I think that is pretty thoughtful of them but it is your choice as to wether you accept invitations.
Since you comment that you felt lonely on significant dates I would suggest you try and get along with them.As Shirtless says, you could work on your awkwardness and tbh, if they are 'party people' they won't need you to be the same. Just go with the flow or accept you may spend Christmas, birthdays etc. alone.

Surely if you’re old enough to have an adult son, you can work on overcoming ‘social awkwardness’? You don’t have to be dancing on tables, but it sounds as if your cutting yourself off from a lot of life.

My DD has been with her husband for 12 or 13 years now. I've met his mum on 3 occasions ( first time at the wedding) and twice since Once was at kids birthday party and the other at DDs house

Never met his Dad.

Feel no need to be friends with them

DS has been with his gf for 2 years and we haven’t met her mum. I did suggest it would be nice, but DS said she isn’t as chatty as me 🥴😂!

My in laws and my parents first met not long before the wedding (we’d been together a year). I think they’ve seen each other a further 2 times in 17 years…

My parents and in-laws are quite good friends since they now live 10 mins away from each other. They are very different people but have found enough in common to form a bond. They have lunch together without us that kind of thing!
They made a big effort with each other during lockdown -walks alongside each other etc and it really changed the way my mum saw them. They have a shared hobby also now.
If I was you I would be trying to make an effort to go at least occasionally.

No.

I mean, I'm not not friends with them. I've met them (separately) a couple of times, when we've both called on them at the same time, but we don't socialise together. They seem very nice and we got on fine the only time we spent an hour together.

Nor did my Mum and Dad and my in-laws.
Nor did my Mum and Dad and either of their other dcs' in laws.
Nor do most people I know where I know enough about them to know this.

Doesn't mean people don't get along fine at the wedding / future Christenings / future children's birthdays. Just means you are individual people with your own friends and your own things you enjoy doing.

No certainly not

My parents get on really well with my sisters husbands mum. She stays with them occasionally.

I feel like you have a separate issue here wrt your son's lack of consideration for you as soon as a girlfriend is on the scene.

However to stick to your original point, i sympathise with you about wondering how much you need to actually be friends with DC's long term partner's parents.

And while we're here - what the hell do we call them?! Is there a shortened version of what their relation is to us? 'The kid's inlaws' i suppose. Anyway ...

It's a weird one. There's a fine enough link between you and your own inlaws (the link = you're shagging their son!) but we all try to get on and make it nice. Babies come along and it all gets very deep ect. but the baby bonds everyone. Sort of.

Then just as your child grows up and you and your inlaws are getting older and it's all old hat, your child finds a partner and you suddenly have a tenuous link with these whole other people again (link = your kids are shagging!) and it's hard to care who they are but you feel you should. If there's a wedding it's all about remembering their names and hoping they are normal you are similar people and just wanting it all to go smoothly.

Then grandkids come along and you can't ignore their existence any more really. Best mates though? Nooooooo. One of my kids inlaws are keen to be matey. It is tricky ... The other set are happy to be friendly when needs must and it's perfect!

You’re the only family member your DS has got?

I’d suck it up and make the effort every now and then tbh before they take the hint, stop bothering to invite you, and you find yourself having some very lonely birthdays, Christmases, etc, especially if grandchildren come along.

I would defintely try to pursue friendship but tell them you aren’t a big party person. Grandchildren might come along and it’s much easier for everyone to get along

My daughter has been seeing her boyfriend for 6 years now and I have never met his parents. They aren't too far from us either. My husband bumped into his mum at a Park Run once, that's it. I'm quite content for this situation to continue!