Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel miffed with my neighbours request?

968 replies

Aliceglass · 07/04/2025 18:52

I don’t know if I’m being sensitive or unreasonable here. My next door neighbour approached me at the weekend to give me dates of their summer garden parties.

For context, We live in a terrace of modern houses and we all have similar sized gardens, enclosed by neighbouring gardens, back and side.

So my neighbour told me about her planned garden parties over the next few months and there were 3 dates confirmed, 2 tbc.

But, she has specifically asked us that we don’t use our garden during the days of these parties.

I was a little take aback and said that we don’t have any scheduled bbqs or parties on those dates so they will be fine. But she said they didn’t want us to use our garden, AT ALL!
Apparently it will spoil the atmosphere if I was to “pop to the bins and empty my recycling” or if they could hear the washing machine on a spin if I left the back door open!

I did laugh at this stage and say well I can’t promise to not access my garden for the whole day.

She went on to say how her friends are “well to do” and they would expect privacy and not to be interrupted by unnecessary noise.

I got a little frustrated at this point and I asked if she was just letting me know or if the neighbours the other side were also being asked this. She assured me that, yes they were and they confirmed they won’t be using their garden or the gate to their garden at the back so as to not disturb her.

Am I being unreasonable to think that this request is unusually controlling?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
PaulaBrighton · 18/05/2025 09:19

Pay someone with the biggest loudest dog you can find to visit for the day and get them to bring their kids along with a football. They can all watch as you have a bonfire.

Ilovemyshed · 18/05/2025 09:18

@Mumof2heroes no I don’t think its wrong for her to use her garden normally, but she is trying to dream up extremes, and that is just petty.

For the record I do think the NDN is totally in the wrong, but one instance of messing about is making a point, continuing it is bullying.

The NDN’s behaviour isn’t good either but neighbour disputes start from less and it is just not worth that.

Oldglasses · 18/05/2025 08:56

She's completely bonkers! If she lives in a terraced house surrounded by other gardens then what does she expect? You can't stop people going about their business normally.

JudgeyJudie · 18/05/2025 08:39

Hang all your knickers on the line

kissmyfatass · 18/05/2025 08:31

This thread is gold. Cant wait until you see your NDN next

Enough4me · 18/05/2025 08:18

What a nasty neighbour you have looking down her nose at you. It was wrong for her to try to bully you and your family into accepting to disappear for days as suits her.
She could have checked the days with you to make sure that she wasn't going to be noisy and interrupt you and that way found out if you'd had plans. A reciprocal agreement may then have been negotiated to not cut the grass/run parties concurrently (putting bins out is 5 min so ridiculous to include).
Next time she can book a venue in what she'd class as a posh venue, or meet them out for a meal.

Tothegym · 18/05/2025 07:29

Aliceglass · 17/05/2025 18:29

Update!

Friend no 1 decided to get in the paddling pool too… she had 4 glasses of rose at this point and decided to involve the kids in a run and jump competition into the paddling pool..
there was a lot of screeching (from friend, kids weren’t so bad).

DH, also a little half cut, shouted “that’s enough now, you’re being too loud. Have some decorum! I’m privately educated and can’t possibly listen to this racket!”

I had to go back inside as I doubled over laughing.

It was deadly silent next door and they’ve gone inside. I feel slightly bad now but I also want to practice on the karaoke for Eurovision!

How did the Eurovision karaoke go last night? I’m glad you are able to stay positive and not get too overwhelmed by having a controlling maniac living next door, as some people would get really stressed and not be able to cope.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 18/05/2025 07:24

Sunholidays · 17/05/2025 23:59

Nah, the OP is a nasty one

Show quote history

How?

How is it nasty to use your own garden on a nice, summer's weekend to enjoy time with your friends and family?

It's nasty to say "I expect you to sit inside your home on this beautiful day so my well to do friends don't have to endure you". It's not nasty to use your own garden.

Mumof2heroes · 18/05/2025 07:22

Ilovemyshed · 18/05/2025 05:22

@Aliceglassnow you have had your fun, all good, but can I quietly suggest that actually you are a bully.

by all means use your garden normally, but planning the nastiness is really poor behaviour.

So you think it's nasty for someone to enjoy their own garden with family and friends on a sunny Saturday?

Mumof2heroes · 18/05/2025 07:17

Sunholidays · 17/05/2025 23:59

Nah, the OP is a nasty one

Show quote history

So you think OP should bow down to the highly unreasonable demands of her snobby neighbour? Wow, you must be related. The neighbour needs to realise how ridiculous she is and OP could have been far more extreme in her enjoyment of her own garden with friends and family on a glorious sunny Saturday.

Survivingnotthriving24 · 18/05/2025 07:00

I don't understand how playing with your kids in a paddling pool and having a barbecue in your own garden on a beautiful day is nasty...

Might be a few that want to assess if they're one of the Hyacinth Bucket types. Anyone with any class or decent etiquette would never dare ban their neighbours from using their own garden or dictate where they sit on their own property.

SparklyLemonShaker · 18/05/2025 06:58

K

Ineedcoffee2021 · 18/05/2025 06:49

OneNewLeader · 17/05/2025 17:32

I’d accommodate her wishes if I could. Keeps things sweet and you can ask for reciprocal arrangements in future. I think it’s a small kindness to someone who sounds incredibly insecure.

nah, she sounds like the type who, give her an inch, she takes a mile and still says not good enough, screw her

Bogeyes · 18/05/2025 06:44

I would cook a big pan full of cabbage....stew some meat in a pan the finish off with a very strong curry.....cheeky neighbour

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 18/05/2025 06:44

Do you live next door to Hyacinth Bucket?

Ineedcoffee2021 · 18/05/2025 06:35

Ilovemyshed · 18/05/2025 05:22

@Aliceglassnow you have had your fun, all good, but can I quietly suggest that actually you are a bully.

by all means use your garden normally, but planning the nastiness is really poor behaviour.

No, the bully is the neighbour demanding others not use their yard when she is cos she dont think OP is 'worthy' or 'posh enough' to be sighted by her friends

If she didnt want push back, dont demand stupid shit

HoppingPavlova · 18/05/2025 05:38

@Ilovemyshed now you have had your fun, all good, but can I quietly suggest that actually you are a bully

Nonsense. NDN is a CF of the highest order, and this has consequences. This is the best way to modify the CF behaviour down to a level of normal, otherwise these entitled people just camp up even further as they believe the world rotates around them. It doesn’t and they need this fact slammed in.

Onthemaintrunkline · 18/05/2025 05:28

Tell her she should have purchased all 3 houses if she wanted this much control of hers, yours and the neighbour on her other side. I’ve honestly never heard the likes of it!!! Just who the heck does she think she is😳. She commanders up to 5 weekend days (a month of summer weekends). No, I don’t think so!

Ilovemyshed · 18/05/2025 05:22

@Aliceglassnow you have had your fun, all good, but can I quietly suggest that actually you are a bully.

by all means use your garden normally, but planning the nastiness is really poor behaviour.

WhatICallMyUsername · 18/05/2025 00:23

I would just go with the same response as last time. Oh I totally forgot it was your party. Then this is just normal every day stuff of paddling pools and rose wine and she can suck it up 🤣

TheCoralMoose · 18/05/2025 00:05

Blimey Hyacinth Bucket wouldnt even be that mean.

Sunholidays · 17/05/2025 23:59

ScruffMuffin · 17/05/2025 23:39

I wouldn't be available to chat about it if she comes over tomorrow. Be out, or go out if she appears. Brush her off the next day, and the next. If she's allowed friends round in her garden, so are you!

To the few PPs who are getting their knicker s in a twist over the OP's and her family's behaviour... calm down! It's not like she was holding a nudist rave in her garden, or commiting a crime, or screaming obscenities at the neighbours. No wheelie bins, pyjamas or holey underwear were on display. I do believe they even refrained from playing the bagpipes. Paddling pools, rosé, barbecues and Eurovision karaoke are par for the course at this time of year.

Nah, the OP is a nasty one

DreamTheMoors · 17/05/2025 23:53

Point your speaker out the back door and turn on the raunchiest porn you can possibly find.
Blare it, baby.
Some people just ask for it, don’t they?

ScruffMuffin · 17/05/2025 23:39

I wouldn't be available to chat about it if she comes over tomorrow. Be out, or go out if she appears. Brush her off the next day, and the next. If she's allowed friends round in her garden, so are you!

To the few PPs who are getting their knicker s in a twist over the OP's and her family's behaviour... calm down! It's not like she was holding a nudist rave in her garden, or commiting a crime, or screaming obscenities at the neighbours. No wheelie bins, pyjamas or holey underwear were on display. I do believe they even refrained from playing the bagpipes. Paddling pools, rosé, barbecues and Eurovision karaoke are par for the course at this time of year.

Sunholidays · 17/05/2025 23:38

SoManyToiletTrips · 17/05/2025 23:34

Are you the neighbour?

Show quote history

Luckily no, I’m not!!

Swipe left for the next trending thread