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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel miffed with my neighbours request?

968 replies

Aliceglass · 07/04/2025 18:52

I don’t know if I’m being sensitive or unreasonable here. My next door neighbour approached me at the weekend to give me dates of their summer garden parties.

For context, We live in a terrace of modern houses and we all have similar sized gardens, enclosed by neighbouring gardens, back and side.

So my neighbour told me about her planned garden parties over the next few months and there were 3 dates confirmed, 2 tbc.

But, she has specifically asked us that we don’t use our garden during the days of these parties.

I was a little take aback and said that we don’t have any scheduled bbqs or parties on those dates so they will be fine. But she said they didn’t want us to use our garden, AT ALL!
Apparently it will spoil the atmosphere if I was to “pop to the bins and empty my recycling” or if they could hear the washing machine on a spin if I left the back door open!

I did laugh at this stage and say well I can’t promise to not access my garden for the whole day.

She went on to say how her friends are “well to do” and they would expect privacy and not to be interrupted by unnecessary noise.

I got a little frustrated at this point and I asked if she was just letting me know or if the neighbours the other side were also being asked this. She assured me that, yes they were and they confirmed they won’t be using their garden or the gate to their garden at the back so as to not disturb her.

Am I being unreasonable to think that this request is unusually controlling?

OP posts:
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Sayithowiseeit · 07/04/2025 21:11

"Mrs. Bucket, crackhead Steve said not to use the canapés he got for you, they were sat longer in the bin than he thought, he said he's got some laundry detergent for a quid to make it up to you"

B1anche · 07/04/2025 21:11

Oh my God, who does she think she is? 🤣

I would be hiring a bouncy castle, hog roast and karaoke machine and inviting the whole neighbourhood. End the afternoon with a bonfire.

JudgeJ · 07/04/2025 21:11

Strictlymad · 07/04/2025 20:12

Shameless bookmark for May 3rd. I’m surprised her snobbish friends would consider visiting a terraced garden- gracious! How about a spot of gardening with loud music of choice, the skimpier clothed the better for when they go upstairs and use her ‘powder room’ and see over the fences

I wonder how she will organise the parking for her garden parties? Were I the OP I would encourage all the neighbours to park on the street on those days if they usually park on drives.

SallyD00lally · 07/04/2025 21:11

Aliceglass · 07/04/2025 21:02

I literally said in my original post that I said I couldn’t promise to not use my garden. I am asking if I’m being unreasonable to say no!

And as I said, it's a disingenuous question from a grown woman.

TheMimsy · 07/04/2025 21:10

@Aliceglass im just over the border in Lancashire if you are indeed in Yorkshire.

if you let me attend your Garden Party Interruption Event I can bring a tatty knackered patched up campervan and leave it on your front street outside her house for the day before and after her event. I will of course need to sleep in it and display my hand washed undies under the windscreen wipers to let the air dry.

I can exaggerate my northern accent and swear like a trooper and discuss dodgy political opinions at ‘don’t have an inside voice’ volume.

Will bring my own Richmond sausages, disposable barbecue (slightly damp and smoky) and a variety of Lidl offerings.

CaptainFuture · 07/04/2025 21:09

Aliceglass · 07/04/2025 18:55

😂 This sounds like a great idea! I can just imagine her face now!

@Aliceglass Do you want to borrow a posse of bonkers 2 yos... 3 mad springers, and a bouncy castle, clown performer and add in some 6 yos and a water fight?....
(Looking for somewhere to hold 2yo bday party and keep 6 yo entertained....)

TryingToBeHelpful267 · 07/04/2025 21:09

Absolutely ridiculous. I’d tell her to get fucked.

Sayithowiseeit · 07/04/2025 21:09

"Mrs. Bucket, we've bought some traps for the horrendous rat infestation, we have a lot spare you can have, I know they looove your shed! Shall bob drop them around"

Ilikeadrink14 · 07/04/2025 21:08

Aliceglass · 07/04/2025 20:32

Imagine! I’m hoping I’m in the clear here because she never married nor had kids!

I think I can understand why!!

crockofshite · 07/04/2025 21:07

RUDE!! Carry on with your life and use your garden when you like, not when she tells you you're allowed.
Of course I'm sure you wouldn't go out of your way to disrupt their party anyway. Very peculiar and cheeky request.

Choconuttolata · 07/04/2025 21:07

You need to go full Wayne and Waynetta slob on those days and use your garden as loudly as possible. Who does she think she is??

EilishMcCandlish · 07/04/2025 21:07

This thread has so much potential for the Mumsnet of ye olden days and the festival held after someone refused to move their horses from a field and MNer bought because they had always used it.

TaggieO · 07/04/2025 21:06

I’d be organising the tackiest party I could and making sure DH and I channelled Onslow and Daisy from keeping up appearances

FartfulCodger · 07/04/2025 21:06

course this happened

Sayithowiseeit · 07/04/2025 21:05

I'll be there, i actually would come as well 🤣🤣 road trip to cause chaos is just a normal family day for us. Do you have a stool for DS to stand on and look over the fence, he LOVES a captive audience to talk all about animals and the environmentel inpact on sea creatures. You know, i think you can hire a bog standard bouncy castle for about £50...

Aliceglass · 07/04/2025 21:05

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/04/2025 20:57

We can script you some lines, just pretend to be the biggest MumsNet Viper you can think of.

'Terribly sorry dear, we checked those dates you mentioned again and they clash awfully with our drum practice and lawn mowing schedule. We'll try to be quick for you but no promises, who knows what the weather may do tinkly laugh'

I hate confrontation but I learned to pretend to be someone else, so now I pick from a range of people I can easily imagine, depending on the situation. For this, I think I'd be Liza Tarbuck, I can absolutely see her snorting in someones face at the very idea of you being banned from your own back garden!

Another excellent tactic is to take everything she says the wrong way.

Her: 'We're having some evening soirees so...'

You: 'Oh we'd be DELIGHTED to come but I'll have to check with Roger to see if we're both available. Not to worry though, if he is busy I'll bring insert name of loudest person you know/another neighbour..'

Her: 'Um, no I was going to ask you to stay indoors during...'

You: 'Stay indoors? Oh you mean at yours, to help you prep all the food? Oh I don't know about that, I can bring a dish though, I make a marvellous spam and pea terrine. You use plenty of aspic, its a delight!...

Just totally railroad the conversation and keep making wild suggestions until she thinks its best to shut up and fuck off.

This! As you can tell I’m terrible at confrontation so I think I’m going to use this idea!! Thank you x

OP posts:
PinkyFlamingo · 07/04/2025 21:04

DaisyChain505 · 07/04/2025 18:54

I would purposely be out there in my grottiest pyjamas dragging the bin around whilst shouting to my husband inside to pour me a glass of wine.

Haha I like your thinking!

Apreslapluielesoleil · 07/04/2025 21:04

I always thought Buckingham Palace was detached but maybe I’m wrong? WTF has multiple “ garden parties” which no one must tread near or, shock horror, open a bin. The woman’s mad.
I can think of some lovely “alternate” things you can hold in your garden on these special event days.

goneaway2 · 07/04/2025 21:04

TheWitchwithNoName · 07/04/2025 19:14

You need a teenager with an electric guitar. I have one you can borrow ☺️

I also have one. He's currently learning 'Come as you are' by Nirvana, which would be particularly apt. The more electric guitar players, the better! I can also supply a large, hairy, barky dog.

Velvetgoldmine · 07/04/2025 21:03

Spread manure and buy a noisy wood chipper!

SootherSue · 07/04/2025 21:03

She's left you no choice. You must now source a manky free sofa from Facebook and leave it on the front lawn.

CheshireCat1 · 07/04/2025 21:03

Book a bouncy castle and bounce up and down in a skimpy bikini

Aliceglass · 07/04/2025 21:02

SallyD00lally · 07/04/2025 19:20

I'm not wasting anything.

I'm pointing out that you're being disingenuous with your question, and if you really agreed they'd be fine because you've got no plans then that's on you.

No point in moaning about it if you're going to agree to it.

I literally said in my original post that I said I couldn’t promise to not use my garden. I am asking if I’m being unreasonable to say no!

OP posts:
SecondClassmyass · 07/04/2025 21:01

I’ll be hiring a hot tub and a trampoline for the day!

stepmad · 07/04/2025 21:01

Have you hot teenagers who could have a few friends over.
Get some grotty underwear from a charity shop put it on the line.
Do some DIY.
Pray to the rain God's
Make a curry
Set our smoke alarm off
Fake embracing conversation ie body part.
Playsomething annoying such as the pepa pig theme.
Fake arguments
Does the garden need smelly mature.
A bubble machine .
Huge bit of plastic and let the kids do messy play.
Lots of balloon popping.
Sound effects on your phone.
Bins need oldest pjs rollers Fake fag hanging out

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