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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel miffed with my neighbours request?

968 replies

Aliceglass · 07/04/2025 18:52

I don’t know if I’m being sensitive or unreasonable here. My next door neighbour approached me at the weekend to give me dates of their summer garden parties.

For context, We live in a terrace of modern houses and we all have similar sized gardens, enclosed by neighbouring gardens, back and side.

So my neighbour told me about her planned garden parties over the next few months and there were 3 dates confirmed, 2 tbc.

But, she has specifically asked us that we don’t use our garden during the days of these parties.

I was a little take aback and said that we don’t have any scheduled bbqs or parties on those dates so they will be fine. But she said they didn’t want us to use our garden, AT ALL!
Apparently it will spoil the atmosphere if I was to “pop to the bins and empty my recycling” or if they could hear the washing machine on a spin if I left the back door open!

I did laugh at this stage and say well I can’t promise to not access my garden for the whole day.

She went on to say how her friends are “well to do” and they would expect privacy and not to be interrupted by unnecessary noise.

I got a little frustrated at this point and I asked if she was just letting me know or if the neighbours the other side were also being asked this. She assured me that, yes they were and they confirmed they won’t be using their garden or the gate to their garden at the back so as to not disturb her.

Am I being unreasonable to think that this request is unusually controlling?

OP posts:
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6
Vodkafairy99 · 10/04/2025 22:56

Please, PLEASE keep us updated with how fancy-pants parties go. This is too funny!
I'm in NZ and because we are all so flash over here, we have something called "crate day".
This us where people get together in the back garden with a crate of long neck beers and drink them till they fall over.
There is usually a lot of s**t talked, probably some bad singing, a BBQ (smokier the better) and DEFINITELY a mullet or 2 floating around.
It's hilarious and will really make old mate next door happy. She's be as pleased as a beach goer with sand I her undies!!
Alternatively, turn up on her door step dressed as the Queen with a box of wine, that will impress her friends too!!
I cant wait to hear how the parties go!!

Vodkafairy99 · 10/04/2025 22:45

Sounds like you live next door to Mrs Bucket (It's Bouquet darling) 😂
I would be telling her to F.O and doing some lawn mowing on those dates. How cheeky can you get?!!

Petlover9 · 10/04/2025 16:58

Trishyb10 · 09/04/2025 23:23

Make sure you have a full clothesline of underwear out that day, how horrifying that will be for the snooty lot 😘

Long johns, scrimpy knickers, tatty old cleaning cloths, overalls, get a nice selection blowing so the 'well-to-do' can see them😁

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/04/2025 15:46

Yes, @Petlover9 - preferably two or more children, all with recorders that are pitched slightly differently, and all learning different tunes!

I have long said that a primary school recorder group performance rises to the level of cruel and unusual punishment.

Petlover9 · 10/04/2025 14:55

FuzzyPuffling · 07/04/2025 18:59

I would also take up the violin and practice in the garden.

Dear OP, do you know any children who have just begun to learn Recorder?? 🪈🎶 . Even if it rains and 'the posh folk' are indoors, leave windows open so the sound travels. Just saying ....

Petlover9 · 10/04/2025 14:37

Epidote · 07/04/2025 19:40

Mown your lawn on those days.

Don't forget the garden shredder!

Petlover9 · 10/04/2025 14:30

CaptBirdsEar · 09/04/2025 18:45

I don’t know about feedback, dont we all want to rock up?

That WOULD be hilarious ! Dear OP, please invite friends and family with young children.

Petlover9 · 10/04/2025 14:25

Dueanamechange2025 · 07/04/2025 18:56

Tell the neighbour to tell her well to do friends to buy her a detached not overlooked property for her future garden parties.

Maybe get an estate agent to send details of houses with secluded gardens to her! Cheeky CF of a neighbour, I would invite friends or family round to mine, especially if they have small children or babies. Get a sandpit, slide or something that can make them laugh and shout a bit. Do let us all know what happens please.

pestowithwalnuts · 10/04/2025 09:19

I'd put a line of washing out especially...plenty of underwear

pestowithwalnuts · 10/04/2025 09:18

What a cheeky git.
Tell her to FO...snotty entitled cow

TidyMouse · 10/04/2025 08:22

Aliceglass · 08/04/2025 08:49

Thank you for this example. It’s actually helpful to realise that by trying to be a good and reasonable neighbour we are just making a rod for our own back. Since we moved in she has made various demands and even suggested that keeping our decking in our garden was a bad idea because “it attracts rats”. I will definitely be asserting more boundaries now. And honestly, who can be upset over a cherry tree?! They’re beautiful at this time of year!!

I hear there are a lot of rats going spare in Birmingham, if it's not too far away? You could, er, borrow a few and unleash them just as she's giving her welcome speech so that she gets the full James Herbert effect...

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 10/04/2025 00:15

I have a feeling that these garden parties will involve no more than eight people and they’ll show up in very mundane cars that have seen better days, and then leave very early. Maybe the reason she doesn’t want you in your garden is so that you can’t witness how shit her parties are and now not well to do her guests are.

FeetLikeFlippers · 09/04/2025 23:58

Why are you even asking if YABU? This woman is bonkers! I’m loving some of the suggestions on here but I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near her horrific garden party and would love to say (brightly and in my best “posh” voice) “Oh gosh, your friends sound awful. I’ll gladly go out for the day but do be a love and let me know when they’ve gone and it’s safe for me to come home.”

Trishyb10 · 09/04/2025 23:23

Make sure you have a full clothesline of underwear out that day, how horrifying that will be for the snooty lot 😘

DevilledEgg · 09/04/2025 22:08

Sounds like a perfect time for a rave!

toxic44 · 09/04/2025 22:08

PoopingAllTheWay · 07/04/2025 18:57

I would purposely be in my garden with very loud obscene music playing songs with the worse swear words you can find 🤪😅

Or a karaoke with a good sing-along of rugby songs. Or a LOUD rendering of old music hall songs.

Llttledrummergirl · 09/04/2025 22:05

Very loud, very explicit music on those days, M&M is a good place to start.

TaterTots68 · 09/04/2025 22:01

MinnieMountain · 07/04/2025 19:34

Hire a hot tub for the first one. Make her think you’ve bought it.

I was coming here to say it's hot tub time 😂

Donsyb · 09/04/2025 21:56

Aliceglass · 07/04/2025 20:32

Imagine! I’m hoping I’m in the clear here because she never married nor had kids!

Hate to burst your bubble, but I’m not married and don’t have kids but am on Mumsnet 😂

I promise you I’m not your NDN though 🤔

JHound · 09/04/2025 21:25

I would tell her to fuck off.

And make a point of using my garden on those days.

YoNoHeSido77 · 09/04/2025 21:18

I’d be organising a bbq for the entire street for that day.

“Come one, come all, you know that obnoxiously loud stereo that you have at number 42? Bring it please. Oh no, don’t worry, number 3 is busy that day, she won’t be coming.”

Trishthedish · 09/04/2025 20:49

Well she can fuck right off. Who the hell does she think she is.

Moll2020 · 09/04/2025 20:46

I’d definitely ignore. If you have young children buy a trampoline!

keeperofdarktails · 09/04/2025 20:24

Aliceglass · 07/04/2025 18:52

I don’t know if I’m being sensitive or unreasonable here. My next door neighbour approached me at the weekend to give me dates of their summer garden parties.

For context, We live in a terrace of modern houses and we all have similar sized gardens, enclosed by neighbouring gardens, back and side.

So my neighbour told me about her planned garden parties over the next few months and there were 3 dates confirmed, 2 tbc.

But, she has specifically asked us that we don’t use our garden during the days of these parties.

I was a little take aback and said that we don’t have any scheduled bbqs or parties on those dates so they will be fine. But she said they didn’t want us to use our garden, AT ALL!
Apparently it will spoil the atmosphere if I was to “pop to the bins and empty my recycling” or if they could hear the washing machine on a spin if I left the back door open!

I did laugh at this stage and say well I can’t promise to not access my garden for the whole day.

She went on to say how her friends are “well to do” and they would expect privacy and not to be interrupted by unnecessary noise.

I got a little frustrated at this point and I asked if she was just letting me know or if the neighbours the other side were also being asked this. She assured me that, yes they were and they confirmed they won’t be using their garden or the gate to their garden at the back so as to not disturb her.

Am I being unreasonable to think that this request is unusually controlling?

total cf! maybe it's a opportunity for you and the other neighbours to make a bit of extra cash.. tell her you'll be quiet for say, £50 per party. Why should she get to dictate your days for free lol. That'll soon shut her up haha

noodlebugz · 09/04/2025 20:23

Aliceglass · 07/04/2025 19:48

I know!! It would be my luck that I get this woman as my next door neighbour! And on the subject of garden colour schemes… when we moved in we had a brief discussion about fences. She said our shared fence belongs to us but as she paid a lot of money a few years back to have her garden landscaped, we are welcome to paint our own fence but it has to be black to match her side. She doesn’t want another colour running through spoiling the look of her uber cool zen garden.

Well one of her garden parties - you simply must repaint your fence a colour she will hate.
Im told music helps you work - my children (and I 🤦‍♀️) are finding the taco song hilarious at the mo! If you have apple music it’s at the start of the kids road trip playlist.

Seriously she’s batshit! I really hope the neighbourhood gangs up! And it’s a good thing we don’t have homeowners associations here or she’d be judge, jury and executioner!