Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I meet my half sister,?

36 replies

Sockmate123 · 07/04/2025 18:22

My Dad (deceased) had an affair, resulting in a child 24 years ago. She reached out to us via solicitors letter 6 months after his death asking to get in contact. Mum knew of her existence but nothing about her. My Dad and her lived somewhat separate lives but she stayed with him and looked after him through illness.
My Mother burned the letter but I remember the solicitors name so could make contact if I wanted.
Its been almost 4 years since the letter. I dont agree that my mother should be deciding about this. It wasn't her decision to make. At the same time I dont want to hurt her. My sister isn't interested in meeting her. I was the closest to my Dad and tbh would like to meet her.

YABU - leave sleeping dogs lie and dont hurt your Mum.
YANBU-arrange to meet/make contact but keep it from your mum do as not to hurt her.

OP posts:
StrangerThings1 · 07/04/2025 19:53

Sockmate123 · 07/04/2025 18:22

My Dad (deceased) had an affair, resulting in a child 24 years ago. She reached out to us via solicitors letter 6 months after his death asking to get in contact. Mum knew of her existence but nothing about her. My Dad and her lived somewhat separate lives but she stayed with him and looked after him through illness.
My Mother burned the letter but I remember the solicitors name so could make contact if I wanted.
Its been almost 4 years since the letter. I dont agree that my mother should be deciding about this. It wasn't her decision to make. At the same time I dont want to hurt her. My sister isn't interested in meeting her. I was the closest to my Dad and tbh would like to meet her.

YABU - leave sleeping dogs lie and dont hurt your Mum.
YANBU-arrange to meet/make contact but keep it from your mum do as not to hurt her.

If you want to meet your sister, meet her.
Your mum can’t decide this for you and shouldn’t be trying to, your mum Dosen’t need to have any contact / communication with her
I don’t think I would be happy knowing I had a sister out there ( who has reached out) and I then didn’t meet her or try to get to know her

Danikm151 · 07/04/2025 19:26

Go for it.
I have half siblings that I know about but have never met- if they ever reached out I would be willing to meet them.

Legopotamus · 07/04/2025 19:21

Your mum's anger should have been with your dad, and if it was so great she should have left him.
It's not your fault or your responsibility. It's selfish of her to deny you that relationship.

I'd definitely contact her. Your poor sister.

DisforDarkChocolate · 07/04/2025 18:37

It's your sister so it's your decision.

See her because you want to buy don't hide it from your Mum, it will come out eventually and neither of you have any reason to hide away.

FloreatE · 07/04/2025 18:30

If you would like to meet your half sister you should feel it's okay to reach out. Her existence may be a painful reminder to your mother of wrongs suffered many years ago, but your unknown sister hasn't done anything wrong and has shown interest in knowing you- that's something to be treasured. You might not discover a wonderful new relationship- but it's equally possible that you will: you'll never know unless you take the next step. You don't need to ask your mother's blessing. You might really love seeing someone who has your father's likeness, especially now he is gone.

Watermill · 07/04/2025 18:30

I have half siblings, one of which surfaced after my dad died.

Your mother was totally out of order. This isn’t about her.

My relationship with my half sisters is fantastic. I say go for it.

cindyhove · 07/04/2025 18:29

I discovered a half sister 9 years ago after my dad had a stroke. We connected and now have a really good relationship and I have 2 new nieces!
My mum was really not happy about it (she didn't know about her) - it caused an awful lot of trouble between us, but now we just don't mention her in my mums hearing.
In my story my half sis had always known about my siblings and I, but she had been kept very secret from us!
Anyway - notwithstanding the story, you may find a new wonderful relationship - or it my not work out for you.
Unless you take the step to connect and meet up you will never know.
Personally I would go for it!

2025willbemytime · 07/04/2025 18:27

My sister, younger by six years and we have the same dad, just stopped all contact out of the blue as her mum didn't like it. It's a shitty thing to do. I would contact your sister, explain that you wanted to make contact before but weren't able to or whatever the reason was.

Changingplace · 07/04/2025 18:26

It’s your decision not your mums to make for you. I think in your shoes I would want to meet her, for my own peace of mind.

Bigcat25 · 07/04/2025 18:25

I would absolutely meet her. But no one else should tell you not to.

FionnulaTheCooler · 07/04/2025 18:24

If you want to meet her you should do it, otherwise you'll always wonder what might have been. Your mother and sister have the right not to get involved if they don't want to but they can't make that choice for you.