Should I meet my half sister,?

Op, there is a love and kindness in your writing. It’s clearly heartfelt. I can understand wanting to meet her. Not just curiosity, but finding that possibility of another living reflection of your father. Of course, she might be more like her mother. You might not click. She may just want to see some photos. She may be hoping for an enduring friendship. But you will never know if you don’t meet and it will always play on your mind.

I think you need to stop dithering and take the plunge. Write to the solicitor saying that your mother found the letter too upsetting and your siblings aren’t interested / are loyal to their mother, but if she would like to meet you, then you would be happy to meet.

Good luck!

I found out about my half brother just after mum died. She’d had him before she met my dad and in those days and her culture, bring a single mum wasn’t an option.

i met my brother. He’s a nice guy and is part of the wider family, do I have a lot in common with him? Not really, but I’m happy he’s made contact.

Meet your sister and see how things go. You don’t need to continue meeting if you don’t want to.

Have you actually had a conversation with your mum about this? If you have and she has told you she would be incredibly hurt if you chose to meet your half sister, then I guess you will have to keep it a secret from everyone who might spill the beans, even accidentally. I wouldn’t like to have that sort of secret mainly because I tend to blab.

I can see that to your mum, your half sister is the embodiment of your father’s betrayal but he is the only one to blame for that. Your half sister was betrayed by him too in a way because he brought her into the world knowing he was not in the position to be a proper father to her. Perhaps if your mum could see that and come to terms with the woman existing and that punishing her for it is not fair, maybe she might feel easier about you meeting her.

Either way I think you should meet her. But bear in mind there’s a chance you won’t get on. She might resent being the other child; or you might just be very different types of people. Good luck 🙂

How would you feel if you found out you OH had an affair and had a child as a result. You 'forgive' that betrayal, then 24 years later, the fruit of your OH's loins comes looking for the half-sibling (your legitimate child), reawakening all the hurt.
Then say the mother is being selfish

I would be very intrigued and I think I would meet up with her. It must be hurtful for her to have heard nothing. I'm sure she'll be delighted if you do reach out after all these years.

I do hope you meeting her op.
it would means so much to her.
how brave to reach out.
how sad her letter was binned.

It went really well, we had found her nephew first and it was all on ancestry but gutted I didn’t meat him sooner as would’ve had another cousin to grow up with

My friend is the half sister in this case. The dad refused to acknowledge her for years.

She reached out to her half siblings. They made the dad do a dna test as proof (they did believe her as she looks like him), and accepted her as their half sister /aunt to their kids etc. It means the world to my friend.

If you want to meet her, you should. Your mum doesn’t get to make that decision for you.
I found out when I was 19/20 I had a half brother that I knew nothing of (my dad had an affair when he was married to his first wife). Sibling got in touch via Facebook. We get on well, he was briefly in contact with my dad too but it didn’t work out. And it doesn’t work for everyone- you have to be ready for that possibility- but if I’d decided not to meet him I’d always have wondered what if.
best of luck to you.

My friend found out she had a half sister at the age of 60! They speak most days now. Her mum had a baby before she was married 2 years and then gave her up for adoption. When her husband who was my friends dad died she found and made contact with the daughter. Mum says Dad knew about the baby before he married her but my friend and her sister think not. Mum was a strict Christian - no sex etc and strict with her daughter (my friend growing up) it has given my friend a delightful sister. Both women have a complicated relationship with their mum - especially as my friend grew up in a really strict household no sex etc

My mom met her half sister at the age of 52 the other week

Just go for it. What have you got to lose?

Both you and your sister could gain so much from meeting up. It would be sad to look back and be thinking that you should have met. I send Best Wishes.

I probably wouldn't, no. I'd be disgusted that my dad had had an affair and would feel sorry for my mum in light of that. I wouldn't be interested in 'half sisters', 'sisters' or whatever you want to call them... as far as I am concerned, if we didn't grow up in a family relationship then we're not truly related.

What are you hoping to get from this? She's grown up totally separately to you - the only thing you have in common is your dad knocking both your mothers up, tbh.

You have posted this before. Did you take no action last time?

I have a half sibling I (and my wider family) only found out about about 6 years ago. We met, a couple of times. It was really really weird finding someone exists out there who kinda looks a bit like you (or more likely, your dad). We had nothing in common. I thought he was a dick. It also massively upset my mum, she'd had a totally normal happy life, extremely lucky in health, work, family - all of it great. She ended up in therapy, lost a huge amount of confidence, was also extremely difficult to be with for a couple of years (short temperedness and selfishness a symptom of anxiety/depression), we're really only seeing her old self recently, and even so, it's not the same.

If I had my time again, I wouldn't meet them, no. They have their own life and own family. If they think something is 'missing', they won't get that from you, they need to sort that themselves. And if you already know how your mum is going to feel, then I'd really not do it because of that. Of course you're curious, but that's not enough of a reason to me.

Is she wondering if there is any inheritance ?

Yes but go for counselling first so you can think this through

I would absolutely meet your sister. I do think though you should tell your mum , not to ask permission but just to be open and honest with her

Your poor mother should’ve left your father when he made a mug of her a quarter of a century ago, but that’s not your concern, she was an adult who made her choice. You can make your choice now.

Don’t lie to your mother though. There’s been enough lying, she deserves respect and transparency. Have faith in your decision, be tactful and gentle, but not apologetic.

I don't agree with either of your voting options. Find your half sister if you want, but I wouldn't keep it a secret from your mother. If she finds out later it could be worse if she thinks you've been lying to her.

I would want to me here and if you want to, you should.
you don’t have to tell your mum, it’s none of her business and I would be angry and hurt by her for burning the letter and trying to make that decision for you.
It’s not yours or your half sisters fault she decided to stay with a man who cheated on her.