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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this the right place for this ?

35 replies

Yellowtang25 · 07/04/2025 18:07

Is it ok he put a cigarette out on my hand
I just don’t know anymore

OP posts:
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Original poster
Yellowtang25 · 08/04/2025 20:43

I am questioning this, I just don’t know what’s ok anymore

OP posts:
ohyesido · 07/04/2025 19:52

@TheJollyMoosethat judgemental approach won’t help either it’s that which prevents a lot of psychologically damaged individuals from escaping domestic violence

TheJollyMoose · 07/04/2025 19:49

ohyesido · 07/04/2025 19:31

Maybe OP is asking why it’s happening to them and why the perpetrator thinks it’s okay to do it to them! Have a little empathy.

OP you need to leave that person, it’s not your fault and it is wrong to do that to you under any circumstances.

No. She’s asking if it’s okay. She knows full well it isn’t.

Faux innocence, a victim mentality and burying her head in the sand will not help her here.

bridgetreilly · 07/04/2025 19:34

If you are even questioning this, that is a REALLY bad sign, sweetheart. He’s made you feel like you are not worth treating like a human being, let alone the most important person for him. Please walk away, at the very least just to take a break and get your head in a better place. Stop trying to minimise the fact that he burned you. That is abuse and it’s never okay.

YesHonestly · 07/04/2025 19:32

No sweetheart, it’s not ok. You don’t deserve that.

I would guess that this isn’t the first time he’s hurt you, is it? Do you have family or a friend nearby that you can go to?x

ohyesido · 07/04/2025 19:31

Maybe OP is asking why it’s happening to them and why the perpetrator thinks it’s okay to do it to them! Have a little empathy.

OP you need to leave that person, it’s not your fault and it is wrong to do that to you under any circumstances.

Bikergran · 07/04/2025 19:24

No. Get away from him now. Go to the police.

Seeline · 07/04/2025 19:03

I'm assuming that this isn't the first time this has happened?
That you've been physically hurt before?

No - it is far from ok that it happened.
You need to find somewhere safe.

chocolatelover91 · 07/04/2025 19:01

Yellowtang25 · 07/04/2025 18:37

Tbh it’s small and I’m probably overthinking it
it’s tiny from a roll up

Rollie burn or no Rollie burn, he's an asshole! Get out when you can OP

B1indEye · 07/04/2025 19:00

Yellowtang25 · 07/04/2025 18:37

Tbh it’s small and I’m probably overthinking it
it’s tiny from a roll up

You're underthinking it but I'm guessing there's a huge backstory as no one thinks that's OK

Tiswa · 07/04/2025 18:58

I assume this is part of a horrific cycle of abusive behaviour both physical and emotional

SallyD00lally · 07/04/2025 18:57

Yellowtang25 · 07/04/2025 18:52

I didn’t do this to myself no

I’m asking because I feel lost and stuck in this

But that's what I'm saying.

If you stop the pretence and just take some time to type a bit about your relationship and living situation etc, people may be able to help.

Original poster
Yellowtang25 · 07/04/2025 18:52

I didn’t do this to myself no

I’m asking because I feel lost and stuck in this

OP posts:
Els1e · 07/04/2025 18:51

Did it hurt when the cigarette was stubbed out on your hand? If no, it's up to you what you do. If yes, then it's not good to stick around. Bit like being stabbed - what's the difference between a kitchen knife and a stilitoe blade? One has a smaller point but they both kill.

SallyD00lally · 07/04/2025 18:48

BobbyBiscuits · 07/04/2025 18:46

Someone I know did that when they were suffering from acute psychosis. Please contact your local MH crisis line. And please don't harm yourself!

Why would the OP harm herself because someone put a cigarette out on her hand?

SallyD00lally · 07/04/2025 18:47

Yellowtang25 · 07/04/2025 18:37

Tbh it’s small and I’m probably overthinking it
it’s tiny from a roll up

What are you playing at here OP?

You know it's no ok to put a cigarette out on someone's hand.

Yes it is 'this bad'.

No it doesn't matter whether it was a roll up or not.

Do you actually want to talk about the abuse? Because pretending you don't know it's unacceptable renders the thread pretty pointless.

BobbyBiscuits · 07/04/2025 18:46

Someone I know did that when they were suffering from acute psychosis. Please contact your local MH crisis line. And please don't harm yourself!

ScrewedByFunding · 07/04/2025 18:46

Yellowtang25 · 07/04/2025 18:37

Tbh it’s small and I’m probably overthinking it
it’s tiny from a roll up

How would you feel if someone did it to your child or your mother or your sister?

RedHelenB · 07/04/2025 18:45

Yellowtang25 · 07/04/2025 18:07

Is it ok he put a cigarette out on my hand
I just don’t know anymore

Why would you think it was OK?

nocoolnamesleft · 07/04/2025 18:45

This is assault (well, I suspect it would also count as Actual Bodily Harm). It is absolutely definitely physical abuse. And if you have been reduced to the point of not knowing if this is normal, I strongly suspect you are also being emotionally abused. He will escalate further. That's what abusers do. You really need to look for a way out. Do you have any support network? Have you tries speaking to Home - Women's Aid

Home - Women's Aid

Women's Aid is a grassroots federation working together to provide life-saving services and build a future where domestic violence is not tolerated.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

TheJollyMoose · 07/04/2025 18:44

You know exactly how bad it is. Stop with the faux innocence.

ExitPursuedByABare · 07/04/2025 18:43

He’d have no cojones left if he’d done that to me.

Coughcoughcoughallthetime · 07/04/2025 18:41

Well it might be small OP but it was a deliberate act of violence against you.
And acts of violence in abusive relationships escalate.
You really need to get yourself away from this man.
Do you have family or friends you could go to?

Original poster
Yellowtang25 · 07/04/2025 18:37

Tbh it’s small and I’m probably overthinking it
it’s tiny from a roll up

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 07/04/2025 18:22

Of course it's bad, it's abuse.