To feel sad what my 10 year old said to me

That's a consequence but not a punishment. You felt low so couldn't go out, and your other daughter missed out as well, this is a consequence of her words. But to be frank, she should be punished for speaking to you in that way. She wasn't 'roasting' you - don't downplay it, she was being rude and nasty. She needs to understand that it's not acceptable - she should start with an apology. I would then remove pocket money, tech or some other treat that she is looking forward to. I would be concerned about her lack of respect for you. I can't imagine many children who would dare to say something so horrible to their mother's face, in front of their dad. You also need to have very strong words with your dick of a husband.

I think there is a chance she herself is being bullied however as others have said you need to get angry and not withdrawn. Make it clear you didn’t go today because of what she was saying. Take your other child out and let her you won’t be doing nice things for her if she cannot be nice. This is totally unacceptable and as for your husband, you need to be having stern words with him too.

Why are you and your dh allowing this? You have a responsibility to stop this (it should have been dealt with the very first time she ever said anything like this). Your husband laughing at her comment is just pathetic and weak. Be the parents, do your job and don't raise a horrible, rude human being.

How you looked is inconsequential btw. You can wear whatever you like.

She is recognising different body shapes and learning how to body shame people, most likely from peers.

Don't let her upset you, she is out of order, possibly understandable, if she apologised once she was aware that she was cruel, but she knuckled down.

not acceptable. Not roasting and not typical 10 year old behaviours.
My DD is the same age and can be blunt and isn’t good at social niceties. But she might give an opinion about new outfit but it’s never directed at me ( and some might consider me both fat and ugly) it’s like - I don’t like the colour - or your x top is better.

What an incredibly awful thing for a child to say/do. I’d give her some consequences and make it clear it’s not just about hurting you, but teaching her that she can’t go saying stuff like this to others. Take a stand now otherwise it will only get worse. I’m not sure what to suggest but could you leave her behind and have days out with your youngest as a consequence? No tv/screens ect.
I’m also very sure you do not look as bad as she is making out at all. Even the most lovely children can be awful to their parents, they just need to be shown it’s wrong! Make sure your husband supports you.

Also enjoy your new clothes! You sound like you very much deserve a treat!

Dear God, get tough with her right now. You surely know what she likes best. Whatever it is - her nice clothes, her activities - goes/stops. You need to pull yourself together now and focus on sorting her out. Focus on her behaviour rather than you being the target. Think about it in that way - how she has behaved towards ‘someone’. So you need to talk firmly to her about how it is wrong to talk to ‘someone’ in that way and that the consequences are XX. Sooner or later she will want something from you. She should not get it - because her behaviour has been unacceptable - whether or not that appalling behaviour was directed at you or at another child at school, for example.

And your DH needs the bollocking of his life.

Stop feeling sad and start feeling mad - first at your D - and second your H. She must be made to understand how utterly nasty she was and how unacceptable it was/is - whatever that takes.

I used to say to my children if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. You need to assert yourself. She is ten and you are a grown up. Whatever she likes most take it off her. Stop her from doing something she enjoys. If she is going to be rude and cruel then she can't have it do nice things. Be very straightforward. You hurt my feelings by saying I was fat. You were very rude and because of that xxx xxx is now happening. If you let her get away with it you are storing up trouble. So if she's rude again then there's a consequence until she gets the message. Your husband is an absolute twat too.

You handle it with an appropriate balance of punishment and teaching.

She needs to learn not to say nasty things. Quick. There’ll be people bigger and stronger than her who will batter her at secondary school if she ‘roasts’ them.

If she has a primary school prom or leavers disco coming, I’d seriously start to consider not allowing her nice things for it. She hasn’t ‘allowed’ you to have your nice things, had she?

Also extra chores, withheld spends etc.

At the same time, explain why what she has said in unacceptable.

If my 10 yo had spoken to me (or anyone ) that I would have been very angry with them, told them not to be so rude, and sent them to their room.

If she pulls that ‘I won’t lie’ stunt at secondary school while insulting people will probably get beaten up.

Wear your lovely new clothes, one peep out of her tell her she is rude and obnoxious and you won’t be taking her to xxx / giving her lifts /…. Whatever if she continues to be so rude.

And mean it and stick to it.

She’s found your tender spot and she’s wielding her power.

Take her down.

I have a 10 year old I’d be devastated!
id tell her how unkind she was and that she was saying what a mean girl would say.
id say its not funny and very hurtful.
I’d then take youngest out somewhere and let her miss out. You also need your husband to back you up.

I’ve put on weight since children my 10 year old does occasionally say ‘you were so slim’ but would never be as unkind as your daughter

And it makes a difference too if everyone participates in it and you know that that's how you communicate. That's part of what roasting is, everyone is in on whatever is going on. I and two of my kids are really sarcastic, and we communicate that way. My middle child doesn't like it, so we all know not to be that way with him.

But just saying those things to someone who isn't a willing participant is bullying.

OP, can you hand on heart say you don't refer to yourself in that way? I get the feeling she's mirroring what you're giving out. I hope you can make some changes and you feel better soon.

I’d tell her thanks for drawing your attention to your weight and you’ve decided there will be no chocolate in the house for the rest of the month, including Easter Eggs and thank her again for her support on your endeavours.

(in reality I wouldn’t have to do this because my dh would have nipped it in the bud from the outset).

What do you mean it’s not her fault? It is. She knows what she’s saying is nasty and she choosing to say it. Don’t make excuses for her.

Off-topic, what's wrong with tunic and leggings? (I may wear these from time to time and need to know if I'm making some massive fashion faux-pas?) 🙈

It's gentle teasing that everyone laughs about such as 'whats that smell? Is it you?' kinda thing

Don’t think I’d class that as gentle teasing.
What happens if they say that to someone at school ?

Sorry OP that does sound very upsetting. I would tell her real beauty comes from within not how someone looks, and that her behaviour is actually very ugly and totally unacceptable. Ask her how she would feel if you made unpleasant comments about her. (Definitely not suggesting you do that as that would be childish, but just try and make her think 🤔). I think social media may be to blame. Too much promotion of super skinny being the ideal! Definitely consequences needed for such rude behaviour. Dig deep and be strong. You are a wonderful person. So what if you carry a few extra pounds: that doesn’t define you. Show your younger child how to be strong 💪.

Your daughter is turning into a nasty little twat, helped along merrily by your nasty twat of a husband.

Genuinely shocked.

This

We're a 'roasting' family. It's gentle teasing that everyone laughs about such as 'whats that smell? Is it you?' kinda thing. What she said is vile. Not a single one of my kids would say that to me. I'd go hard on the punishment, really hard. There's teasing and there's just plain disrespect.

If you are feeling low about yourself, make changes but only for yourself. Not because you're 10 year old has behaved like a little brat to you.

On another one of your posts you say both of your children are on iPads a lot watching YouTube while you cook and clean. Do either of you monitor what they watch?
Is she learning about ‘roasting’ and insulting behaviour from people she’s looking at online?

If you don’t crack down on this now, she is going to be a living nightmare when she is a teen. Read her the fucking riot act!! Send her to her room with no tech and nothing to do until she is ready to apologise sincerely and pledge not to be such an utter bitch so appallingly rude to you again. You are her mother and deserve some respect- so start demanding it!! And from your ‘d’h too - he also needs his arse handing to him for laughing along.

You can feel sad on your own if you want, but what she needs to see is outrage. She’s bullying you, and like all bullies she’ll keep on if she senses vulnerability. Moping in the house is not a punishment. Going off and having a great time somewhere without her is.