Why is ND a common excuse for poor behaviour now?

When you infer that MD people are abusers and bullies using their ND as an excuse it’s hugely offensive.

Autistic traits are hugely difficult to live with hence it being a protected disability.

@jud3I’m not disputing anything you have said… I’m actually trying to say ( badly) that some people are just shitty… not because they are ND but because that are just arseholes!

It’s continuously on MN. Other disabilities don’t get this scrutiny.

”Of course people are genuinely querying the huge increase in ND - it’s a huge social phenomenon that is having a huge impact on our public services. People are curious, that’s natural. It doesn’t mean people are being unkind.”

It is not a huge social phenomenon - women and girls are simply better diagnosed and there is backlog from covid and under funding. It doesn’t have an impact on public services as you don’t get anything extra service wise from a diagnosis.

What has an impact on public services is the difficulties autistic people face being left to get worse .

that type of defensiveness doesn’t help though. You can’t shut down conversations just because it’s not in line with your thinking - which presumably is that every single person with diagnosed or non-diagnosed ND is neurodivergent.

Well said...
This is the very reason people do shut down conversations...one opinion only and blind to it.

@Hollowvoice

I really couldn't get het up about that if I was the family you were visiting.

I'd be more upset that I hadn't got to spend time with them, the DC, rather than thinking rude of them...but if staying in their room made them feel safe, rather than something they felt obliged to do then so be it.

@Jud3 that type of defensiveness doesn’t help though. You can’t shut down conversations just because it’s not in line with your thinking - which presumably is that every single person with diagnosed or non-diagnosed ND is neurodivergent.

Misdiagnoses happen all the time, especially in mental health which is similar to ND in that a diagnosis is often based on symptoms rather than biological factual tests.

Why not embrace mature adult conversation? You’re much more likely to influence people like that, rather than rolling your eyes trying to shut down the conversation.

Of course people are genuinely querying the huge increase in ND - it’s a huge social phenomenon that is having a huge impact on our public services. People are curious, that’s natural. It doesn’t mean people are being unkind.

Autistic children and adults can’t help being blunt, anxious, anti social, overwhelmed, burnt out, in sensory overload…..

2 of my children are autistic, 2 aren't. DH is, I might be.

I will support all the children (and adults).having quirks, special interests, things they worry about or find harder.

I won't support any of the children being nasty, or violent.

It's our job to teach our children decent rules to live their lives by.

Because everyone needs to label people these days.
no one will ever think someone is just being shitty !

Loving the way reasonable adjustments which the ND community have waited and battled for so long for are now excuses for poor behaviour.

I don’t think Op is picking apart, scrutinising or bashing autism but I understand their question. Whenever you read something on here and if someone’s behaviour isn’t as expected or someone does something wrong everyone pipes up with “are they ND, do they have autism, what about ADHD”
When in fact they don’t have any of those, they are just misbehaving or being an arsehole but it seems being ND is the only answer it could possibly be. And no I’m not saying all autistic people misbehave or whatever you want to call it, that’s just the examples I’ve seen

I don't think that people are using autism as an 'excuse', it's just that it wasn't recognised in many cases years back.

Being nd and asking for reasonable adjustments is fine. My son has asd and we often benefit from, quiet sessions/early checkin/queue jumps etc. These things mean my son can access activities that might have been impossible for him. But he still has to behave,if he gets overwhelmed/meltsdown it’s not his fault and we leave so he can regulate. He does make loud noises at times so I tend to avoid quiet activities but he can’t really help this it’s a tic. Bad behaviour such as pushing/rudeness etc would be disciplined as any other child but I tend to watch my asd kid like a hawk and intervene early if I can to avoid issues.

My DC are both autistic.
We have a few days away soon seeing family they don't see often.
I fully expect DC1 to spend most of the time hidden away in the bedroom. To the family members that will be "rude" or "anti social"
However I know it's a different environment, with different smells and sounds and different food. And unfamiliar people who have different rules/expectations.
So all of that means constant anxiety and getting easily overwhelmed, so hiding away is coping, and saving energy for the unavoidable bits of socialising.

Oh leave off the OP, we're all adults and have a discussion, right?

OP has said

This i am in favour of but.... so often now, especially on MN/SM, you see people excusing or questioning if poor behaviour is a result of undiagnosed ND.

UNDIAGNOSED.

And OP isn't wrong. The amount of threads on MN when someone questions someones actions, reactions, behaviour "Have you ever considered they might be ND" "Maybe they are ND" it's constant. OP isn't wrong to pose a question asking WHY that is always the first line response. That someone might be ND rather than just a massive knob.

Well there is a way of gaining an understanding of ND without asking such rude and judgemental questions

The same posters who continuously turn up and start these threads. There is an unpleasant anti autism sub culture on Mumsnet. It was even mentioned in one of the NHS groups I attend.

you are not asking questions to understand ND @PonderingCarefully
you've started a thread about ND being an excuse for bad behaviour.

that’s why it’s bashing.

Why the obsession, picking apart and constant need to scrutinise autism? It’s continual on here. Do you do that op with all disabilities?

You will never keep a decent conversation about this going due to the subject you're trying to have a discussion about.

You'll always get shut down.

I think it's a reasonable question. I'm diagnosed autistic (by the NHS). So is my daughter and my granddaughter. We all genuinely struggle. None of us use it as a 'get out of jail free' card.

I find it really distressing that anti social behaviour is consistently linked to autism because it suggests that autistic people are more likely to be sociopaths. This completely ignores that many of us find it difficult not to over empathise - which is the exact opposite of what's now widely (and wrongly) considered to be an autistic trait.

I'm also a teacher. I'm 'out' as autistic at school. My classes are renowned for their fantastic attitude to learning, and I believe this is because the kids and parents both know they can't bullshit me.

Of course it’s a bashing thread.