MIL wants to kiss baby but gets coldsores

YANBU. Our DC1 caught coldsores from MIL. I was furious about it, she continued to try with our next DC too.
Our DC1 has fully understood why not to kiss DC2, so I'm not sure what possesses an adult to lack that awareness.

Hardly. You were the one who used the very loaded word 'deserves'. Babies need close physical contact with the mother for at least the first three months (the 4th trimester) but not necessarily with extended family members. In the early days, the mum advocates for the baby so if OP isn't comfortable with her MIL kissing her baby, because of cold sores she has every right to stop her.

Personally I'd compromise on the kissing and let her kiss the baby's head. You're the parent and it's your call though.

Putting her fingers in their mouth is disgusting though. Why on earth is she doing that? It makes me feel physically sick to think of random relatives sticking their fingers in my mouth so why should a baby have to put up with it 🤢. Honestly, just tell her to stop it.

Not everyone needs mils to be babysitter or would in fact rather use someone else anyway.

Of you think a grandparent is equal to a parent then you will be a nightmare mil

More like a hater of someone with cold sores who thinks their right to kiss and stick their grubby little finger into the baby’s mouth and spit all over the baby over rides a baby’s right not to be given herpes/have a finger stuck in their mouth and spat on

You can shed the virus cells before you are aware of a new outbreak. And IT’S A BABY. Christ let it grow a little. Why is the MILs feeling more important that the babies health. Herpes virus can be serious for infants as their little immune systems are not developed

The coldsore virus is only contagious when someone actually has a coldsore. Some people only get one once and never again. Others get recurring problems. Has your husband caught them from his mother? If so, do you plan to ben him from kissing his own baby? If not, doesn’t that demonstrate the point - that they are only contagious during an outbreak? I think it sounds like this is a pretext for preventing your MiL relaxing and enjoying your baby’s company.

How many times have you posted this?

Any loving grandmother would never kiss their grandchild with a cold sore. Just no!

Bollocks. Op is not a mil hater at all, just a responsible mum trying to navigate handling an irresponsible mil and keeping her baby safe.

Yawn. Another MIL hater. Hope you never need her to babysit.

All those saying putting your fingers in a baby's mouth is disgusting - have you really never let your baby suck your (clean!) finger, or gum it when they're teething??

FWIW my mum gets occasional cold sores, and it would never have occurred to me for a second to tell her she wasn't allowed to kiss my DC when she didn't have a cold sore!

I’d be ok with kissing top of head but not the face there’s just no need. I’d say no to fingers - that’s just weird. Encourage her to blow raspberries on the belly maybe?? I’d get dh to have a word.

my mil and fil get cold sores and have never done any of that. Neither of their children get cold sores.

Tell your mil that if she doesn’t stop this saliva and kissing then she will have to wear a mask. Same for the fingers - tell her no. If she can’t understand then your mil can’t hold the baby or get close to the baby.

And the level of entitlement here is disturbing, if it's not your baby you don't get a say!

Why on earth is she putting her fingers in your 5 month olds mouth?!

She sounds a bit dim, does she not know how horrifically ill babies can become if they contract herpes?
She needs telling op, YANBU.

YANBU, cold sores can be very dangerous for babies. This is a fact. Anyone who makes you feel like you’re being unreasonable about this is incredibly dim and selfish, in my opinion.

Your baby is still very young, stand your ground for as long as you want. Granny doesn’t “deserve” to kiss baby, baby deserves to be protected from a potentially life threatening virus! Make sure your DH/DP has your back on this too.

Using that logic one could also argue that the OP doesn't deserve to kiss the baby either. The baby is a little human, not her property, and cannot consent to her mother's kisses any more than to her grandmother's kisses. So maybe no one should kiss babies? For their own protection.

No, your insistance that people deserve to be able to kiss other people's babies is creepy.

It can be very dangerous for young babies and in rare cases can cause death.

OP is entitled to set boundaries to protect her baby's health.

yes to this. Put your foot down. I have shown love to my goddaughter and nieces their whole lives and I’ve not kissed them. There are other ways to show affection. Hugs, holding them when they were babies , getting to know them as they grow older, buying presses etc . Kissing is not necessary.

And I don’t even have herpes.

Why are some adults so stupid and selfish?

Shockingly selfish attitude from your MIL. I also had experience of this exact thing, made me absolutely furious.

Yabu

i get coldsores but I just don’t kiss my son (9 weeks) or Dh when I have one active (had 1 since he was born)

Dh has never got them off me

I would put my foot down and tell her in no uncertain terms she is not to kiss baby nor be putting fingers in mouth, it's disgusting. Anyone who knowingly risks passing herpes to a baby is a selfish idiot imo and I wouldn't hesitate to speak up and stop it happening to your baby. You also need dh on board to reiterate all you say and call her out on any stupidity.