MIL wants to kiss baby but gets coldsores

Was all prepared to say YABU, but having read this, you’re definitely not! Why on earth is she shoving her fingers in the baby’s mouth? Gross! And your baby does not need t have to deal with a bout of herpes!

Absolutely do be prepared to set rules and boundaries for your own baby. Don’t give a shit if people squawk about “precious first born”, yes she is your precious baby and as such you’ll do anything to protect her! I didn’t allow my in laws who smoke around my babies when they were young. Absolutely no regrets.

@Itsrainingfrogs
You do realise that MIL managed to raise your H without passing on her coldsores?
So - assuming she is an idiot intent on harming your baby is totally bonkers.
Are you generally germaphobic or have health anxieties?

I get coldsores about once a year. And obviously don’t kiss anyone then, until it heals, which is quite obvious. Have raised two kids myself - kissing them.
My kids don’t get coldsores. And neither have any of the men I dated over the years.

Your baby will start getting mobile soon - crawling and grabbing anything and everything, and putting it in their mouth.

This is important part of building healthy immunity.

You really need to try to deal with your issues - or you’ll be constantly on edge. How will you deal with germs everywhere around the kids in nurseries and schools??
Gradma’s raspberries is really not an issue.

I hope your poor baby won’t grow up being afraid of their grandma’s kisses, on your account.
Grandma does not have leprosy. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wouldn't say NEVER kiss...just not with cold sore...however, that is based on the fact that you can trust your MIL. Can you trust her not to kiss, for instance, if she had the "prodromal tingle" that often proceeds the active coldsore? I imagine, if she sticks her fingers into your baby's mouth and sprays her with saliva, you couldn't. In that situation, you may have to enact a " never kissing" stance, especially on the face.

Because they where all kissed by their grannies who had cold sores 😅

I think I know maybe one person who gets them actively and she had them in primary school so clearly caught as a child likely from a kissy relative she was very strict about nobody kissing her children.

lol why do so many MN mils have cold sores? I’ve never met anyone in real life that has one, although I know that doesn’t mean they don’t have the virus. But still.

We're talking about babies! Not adults who can make their own decisions

so by your own words. If you have the cold sore virus. You must never kiss anyone ever ever ever and go through life and never kiss a soul. How bloody ridiculous!
If you have a cold sore or one brewing (which you can often tell) then no, you wouldn’t kiss anyone.

Ive had 3 cold sores in 1 year and then gone 2 years without a single one!!

Because she gets cold sores?

My dsis did nearly die from HSV infection (pre-antivirals, underlying health condition), and I have the virus too. If the mother has it, then even not kissing may well not avoid infection as there is so much other close contact.

It is very different for grandparents though. If I am lucky enough to have grandchildren, I will see how my dc feel about it (given AVs) but would be careful whatever. There can be a very short gap between the tingle and the sore, and you don't know exactly when you become infectious. I'd worry about anyone who didn't recognise a risk though - even without serious consequences, there is no cure and it is an annoying thing to have, and you may not know everyone else's vulnerabilities in advance.

My mother has cold sores and refuses to accept that they can be deadly for a small child. Apparently I’ve been brainwashed. Subsequently she saw her grandchild once under supervision until he was 5yrs old.

I agree with you and I’d be worried too. I think DH should suggest kissing on top of head but if she has an outbreak no kissing at all and to be mindful of blowing raspberries etc. But yes, id feel the same as you. I know id be furious if my child caught it so best to put the safeguards in place.

I'd be blunt.

" Keep your herpes and your body fluids to yourself, please."

I get cold sores and I couldn’t imagine not kissing my babies. I make a big effort not to when I have an outbreak (once maybe twice a year). YANBU to not let her when she does, but YABU when she’s not… grandparents can show the same affection we do - it’s totally normal. I would find it weird if any of my kids GPs held them at arms length.

But it's not being silly so why say that :-S

YANBU
I cannot understand how people are so stupid about herpes- including people who have posted on this thread about their right to kiss babies
"Cold sores are caused by a virus called herpes simplex.
Most people are exposed to the virus when they're children after close skin to skin contact, such as kissing, with someone who has a cold sore.
Once you have the virus, it stays in your skin for the rest of your life. Sometimes it causes a cold sore."

How selfish- a kiss for you makes someone else have a condition for life

Just tell her you don't want your child getting ill. She cannot kiss your baby.

My mother in law kissed my newborn and I don’t mind. But not with colesores and wtf with the finger in her mouth

Why would you put fingers in a baby’s mouth?! That’s grim. Stamp that out straightaway. And yes if she has cold sores no kissing - you don’t want the baby catching that.

That’s terrible her whole attitude. Well just because it’s likely to happen one day who cares. We don’t have that attitude towards anything else.

And lots of people don’t have cold sores or have never had an outbreak which is why those of us who don’t seem to be the only buggers who take it seriously.

Like why would you want to possible infect a loved one or anyone with a life long infection they cannot get rid off. Hardly a loveable thing. I love you now have outbreaks for life possible (cackles in wicked witch)

Babies cannot advocate for themselves, so their parents have to do so on their behalf. If an adult says don't kiss me, you don't kiss them. It's the exact same when a parent says don't kiss the baby, you don't ever do it.

Have some self control. You can see from the previous posts the damage it can have to babies and then into teenage and adulthood, is that really worth someone kissing a baby?

I feel really sorry for her, especially being a teen girl. I would be furious with your MIL, what an arse to dismiss it like that.

She was luckily a toddler, but it was still not pleasant and she's had a few outbreaks since which really bother her (especially now she's a teenager).
She brought it up with MIL once and MIL dismissed it by saying she would have caught it once she started dating anyway and that everyone gets it at some point so it doesn't matter.

I don't think you can police who another adult kisses, or tell her how to interact with her grandchild.
I get a cold sore about once every 10 years. I had one when my baby was born. The midwives told me not to kiss her until it was gone. I did as I was told, but have kissed her ever since. She is 9 now, and no coldsores for either of us. If I had never kissed her again, that would be 9 years of no kisses for no reason.
I would mention in a conversation how dangerous active cold sores can be, and how good it would be to never get the virus. But I wouldn't make her feel like I was watching and policing her relationship. That could be very damaging.

It's entitlement! I'm so glad your first child was ok.