MIL wants to kiss baby but gets coldsores

Leave me alone! I don't even know what you're arguing with me about anymore.

Oh stop acting like you are then!

You've already replied to that comment, and I purposefully did not respond because I see no point going back and forth with you.

Stop implying I'm dumb. I'm not, I just disagree with you.

Again read the post and my post and people who get cold sores posts. No one would or should be kissing a baby ( including own) husband, parent, boyfriend, other peoples children with a cold sore or one brewing.
Some of posters on here are saying never to kiss anyone if they have carry the virus whether dormant or not! Dear me. Would it be more appropriate to explain on a chalk board?

I’d hazard a guess the trying to stomp on boundaries means op doesn’t trust mil to not prioritise her daughter over wanting those kisses with a tingle.

If MIL is so slapdash, how does her son, baby's father not have them, or is he not allowed to kiss baby either?

My Dad has them, he's very affectionate, but wouldn't have kissed us or anyone else with an active sore. I've never had them, neither has DSis or our mum.

Of course she shouldn't kiss baby when she has a cold sore, but that's not the same as not allowing her to kiss baby because she "gets" coldsores.

Exactly. I would not allow this and I am pretty liberal on most things. But this would be an absolute no no!

But there was no mention of an active cold sore in the original post…

Are you for real - this could kill her child.

• Transmission:
• The virus can be transmitted to a baby through direct contact, such as kissing or touching a baby with an active cold sore.
• Serious Complications:
• Neonatal herpes can lead to severe complications, including organ damage, blindness, seizures, and even death.

The cold sore virus has been known to kill babies. Its a no brainer, tell her its never going to happen.

• Transmission:
• The virus can be transmitted to a baby through direct contact, such as kissing or touching a baby with an active cold sore.
• Serious Complications:
• Neonatal herpes can lead to severe complications, including organ damage, blindness, seizures, and even death.

i have looked after several of my grandchildren for years. Now mostly school holidays. I have given them love, hugs and air kisses. They have given me the same. No kisses on the face. Maybe top of head. I just don’t feel the need and I think people who say that babies are very kissable are a bit sad. Unless you are a parent they are not yours to kiss.

to me it seems you have awfulised this situation.

Since COVID some people are germophobe, I include myself in this. Yes, cold sores can be passed on but does she have them ALL the time?

Tingling on the lips is the first sign and usually pass in 2 weeks, Raspberries at little ones has been a thing for an age. People spray when they speak.

She’s MIL and wants a relationship with grandchild.

please have a conversation about your worries and agree a balanced approach.

Gently, I would say you are being unreasonable. I understand your concerns as a new mum but if it was your own mum doing it, would you be half as concerned/offended?

Your mil is also a mother and I obviously know nothing of her but I assume she has raised decent humans who aren't covered in welts as you married one of them. Let her enjoy your baby and be pleased you have her. You may well need her in the not so distant future for babysitting when you’re totally exhausted.

Doesn’t she realise that cold sores are caused by the Herpes Simplex virus which, once you have it, stays in your body for ever and there’s no cure for it? Tell her you don’t want her passing an incurable virus on to your baby. That’s not you being fussy, it’s just accepted medical advice.

If the mother has the virus, she gives some protection to her children, but OP's baby hasn't got that protection.

It's a risk and I can't see how anymore can read about babies dying or some of the comments about how they were kissed as babies and wish they weren't, and the effect it's had on their lives, and come to the conclusion someone's want to kiss a baby matters more.

As someone who was kissed by someone with a cold sore as a baby please don't allow it. Not only did I nearly die but it has a lifelong impact.

The virus went in my eyes which left scare tissue and impacted vision. If I have a flare up the cold sore comes out in my eyes and causes more damage so I'm now at the point of taking preventative aciclovir tablets

I'd suggest she only kisses baby when there is a cloth barrier - eg with a hat on baby your MIL can kiss on the hat on top of the head? Or on a sleeve or on her clothed tummy maybe.

Definitely not unreasonable. Personally I wouldn’t allow anyone to kiss my baby on the cheeks or the lips(!!) at all. The forehead or top of head would be alright.

I always forget that there are people that want to slobber all over babies and kiss their mouths until I see these threads.

Its a yuk from me!

And maybe we all should remember that the same Typhoid Mary MIL has raised the father of the baby in question - and managed not to kill him with her kisses...

Maybe the education is needed for the people on this thread who have no idea of the actual risk of passing cold sores when there is no actual breakouts - which, incidentally are quire visible.

Maybe - re-education needs to review facts - say from NHS: "In the UK, neonatal herpes is rare, with an estimated incidence of 1.65 per 100,000 live births annually." So - the MIL is not a threat. People with colds in proximity of the baby - at home, or a shop, or pretty much in any enclosed place - carry a lot more risk of infection.

Maybe she doesn't understand about coldsores so needs educating? Good luck with doing that!

Well presumably because they don’t know they can pass it on without a coldsore, as you can see on this thread a lot of people are unaware of this. Around 70% of the adult population have the virus so I guess they just carry on kissing and infecting each other.

If that is true why would you ever kiss anyone? First date question, "Do you get cold sores (ie carry the Herpes virus)? If they answer yes, the romance is over before it's begun! You may have just lost your soul mate 😕🤔

The herpes virus can kill babies, albeit that tends to happen in babies only a few weeks old. www.nhs.uk/conditions/neonatal-herpes/

If she doesn’t have an active cold sore a kiss is fine - if she does no kissing. Basic rules. Fingers weird