Stepdaughter and holiday

I read it that it was the dh who would be working because it’s asked that his daughter comes along.
if it’s the op working then it’s even more outrageous that the ex of her dh would want the dd/dsd to tag along on the work trip of her ex dh partner.

Why would she have to look after dsd? Why would her dh be working?

it’s her work trip. She should be focussing on work and absolutely not looking after child.

bringing a child on a work trip would be highly frowned upon in my industry. It’s work. Not a holiday.

Don’t make this about your DD. It was meant to be a couple holiday now it isn’t. So if it’s family your DD is your family. Ex is only getting involved because she wants child care. He needs to disinvite or you tell him he goes with her alone.

You can’t force kids to play happy families and as long as both DDs are civil that’s fine. Keep doing what you are doing. You each have DD sole holidays then one family holiday OR couple only. He changed the rules.

How selfish she and her mother are. This is a holiday for you and dh before or after a work obligation. Would you have to look after your dsd whilst your dh is working? Tell them no. She can go on holiday with her mother - but the mother would have to pay or does your dh pay for everything?

Your husband can stay home with his daughter and you can have a nice relaxing solo holiday 😎.

SD doesn’t have to like your DD or build a relationship with her. It’s not her choice to have a blended family. I assume DH lives with you and your DD so your DD gets SDs dad with her much of the time? Imagine how that feels for SD at 13, envious, feeling rejected and replaced etc.

Your DH shouldn’t be inviting children (any) to your adult holiday without discussion and agreement with you.

SD is not the issue here DH is.

Your work trip. Don't forget the option to have a solo trip without your husband or DSD after the work part.

I wouldn't want to go without my own DD in your situation too.

But it’s your trip?

Why do they get to decide who comes?

Its doing her a disservice too: terrible life lesson

This should have been the perfect opportunity for H, to say to SD, that she cant go, she vetos all the family, “adult & children” holidays, & has decided to muscle in on an extended adult work trip.

Makes you wonder why he married….

He may be delighted, but she wasn’t invited.

You and your daughter aren’t invited on plenty of the trips he takes. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t acquiesce on you inviting yourself and your daughter along on one of his trips with SD and his extended family, despite how delighted it would make you and your daughter feel to be included.

That's also a problem. Which is why these two people obviously shouldn't have got married.

So many parents put themselves first and make their children very unhappy, convincing themselves they have a blended family when what they really have is unhappy children who have no choices.

In the absence of a time machine, there is not much the OP can do about that.

But in the present, the OP absolutely can start to put her daughter first.

Making clear that her husband’s daughter isn’t invited on her business trip and therefore isn’t coming, would be a good start.

I wouldn’t have married a man whose daughter hated my child and barely tolerated me. Much like his family who seem at best indifferent to the op.

Nobody thought of either of the children.

OP, your daughter comes first.

Would I fuck be taking anyone who disliked my child to the extent they actively avoided and excluded them, along on my business trip to have a good time.

@Flutterbyby also, what about the feelings of the child who does not get holidays with her own father ever, who has a step sister who isn't interested in her, has a stepdad who doesn't want to holiday with her family, whose mum, stepdad and stepsister then go away on holiday together leaving her in school?

There is more than one child here with feelings and a father they don't live with.

@Tinogirl now I’m more concerned you don’t seem to have the ability to stand up to your husband? I can’t get over their entitlement just because this time it suits her to gatecrash. Nope.

I'd be more worried about going to trumpland than anything else.

DSD holidays separately with her dad though, and her mum, and is invited on family holidays with OP, DD and DH.

This was OP's work trip she extended to have a holiday with her DH while her child is in school.

Sounds like DSD wants to go to the states and DH has jumped at it without thinking of OP or her DD, who they can't invite.

It sounds like DSD and DH are the only people allowed to have choice here.

Why though?
From your posts it looks like you haven’t at any point stated to your DH “it will be just us or just me, DSD can’t come this time”.
Are you afraid of being honest with him?

It all sounds so messed up and disjointed instead of anything that looks like it will ever be remotely like any kind of supportive family unit.

DSD clearly doesn’t like you much and has a stronger dislike for your daughter. Your husband refuses to go anywhere with your family. You presumably do nothing with his family due to DSD refusing to be in your daughter’s presence.

Holiday aside, what’s the end goal here? This will likely get a whole lot worse as these girls get older.

Regardless for the daughter her dad however she was conceived lives with another child a bit younger than her full time while she gets visits. Of course she prefers her one on one time when she can.

This family are not blended at all really from ops own posting history.

These posts about blame are so missing the point. It does not matter who left who or whether they ever lived together at all its irrelevant. That's about the adults and their choices.

Stop being so selfish and try and see it from a young child's point of view: my dad lives full time with that girl and not with me. She gets my dad, and I don't.

But she still has to accept he lives full time with a daughter but sees her very part time.

What are you not getting?