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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband says I can't have a pottery wheel even though my neighbour has offered to let me keep it in her studio

458 replies

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 12:59

I don't ask for much but really fancy a second hand pottery wheel. My husband says it's a waste of money and that I won't use it much. I feel really sad as I have fancied one for years. My neighbour has even offered to put it in her shed/studio as we don't have room for it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 16:19

Nothing yet tbh

OP posts:
dapsnotplimsolls · 07/04/2025 16:18

He 'stormed out'? Massive arse.

adriftinadenofvipers · 07/04/2025 16:17

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 16:13

Crikey, I missed lots of here as I was round at my neighbours house (she's very happy to let me keep the wheel at hers btw). So, my husband is not doing all the work, in fact I do most of the day to day work for our holiday let business (cleaning, ironing, managing the bookings, doing the accounts, buying everything we need for guests etc). He does the garden and general maintenance. I make profit from my paintings.He doesn't gig or teach guitar, but he is very good at it and I have never begrudged him having nice guitars tbh. I'm going to get myself a second hand wheel (haven't heard if the one I saw is still available yet, but I shall keep looking if not) and use it at my neighbour's house. I can't get my head around why he is against it.

You don't need to get your head around is. He's just being an arse. TBH I never ask my husband if I am buying something with my own money that doesn't affect him.

I do hope this is unusual behaviour from him.

Why can't he do more of the donkeywork for your business? Are his arms painted on? (pun intended!!)

springbringshope · 07/04/2025 16:16

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 14:14

He has spent about £6000 in the last couple of years on guitars.

How much has he earned with his guitars?

BustingBaoBun · 07/04/2025 16:15

Riaanna · 07/04/2025 16:03

I literally didn’t.

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Good. But maybe stop telling others not to offer their opinions then. This is all very simple.

Husband spends £6,000 on his hobby

Wife wants to spend £350 of her own money on hers (and might make money on it!)

Husband has forbidden wife to buy the wheel

BUY THE WHEEL!

adriftinadenofvipers · 07/04/2025 16:13

Riaanna · 07/04/2025 16:03

I literally didn’t.

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So are you just posting to be awkward then?

Original poster
Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 16:13

Crikey, I missed lots of here as I was round at my neighbours house (she's very happy to let me keep the wheel at hers btw). So, my husband is not doing all the work, in fact I do most of the day to day work for our holiday let business (cleaning, ironing, managing the bookings, doing the accounts, buying everything we need for guests etc). He does the garden and general maintenance. I make profit from my paintings.He doesn't gig or teach guitar, but he is very good at it and I have never begrudged him having nice guitars tbh. I'm going to get myself a second hand wheel (haven't heard if the one I saw is still available yet, but I shall keep looking if not) and use it at my neighbour's house. I can't get my head around why he is against it.

OP posts:
MarkWithaC · 07/04/2025 16:12

GeorgianaM · 07/04/2025 16:11

Can you suggest getting g it but agree that if you don't regularly use it after six months it gets put up for sale?

That would be a reasonable response if the husband was engaging in sensible conversation about it, rather than trying to throw his weight around and storming out of the house when things don't go his way.

GeorgianaM · 07/04/2025 16:11

Can you suggest getting g it but agree that if you don't regularly use it after six months it gets put up for sale?

Thisisittheapocalypse · 07/04/2025 16:09

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 14:14

He has spent about £6000 in the last couple of years on guitars.

OMG!

Yet get stormed out of the house when you said you had some place to keep it, defeating his 'no place to put it' argument.

I think you have some serious issues there....

Riaanna · 07/04/2025 16:03

BustingBaoBun · 07/04/2025 15:37

The point is that there isn’t sufficient information on this post to offer any useful advice.

Maybe don't give it then?
Just a thought.

I literally didn’t.

andthat · 07/04/2025 16:01

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:47

Thank you, I am feeling like he is being very controlling with this. I'm gutted tbh.

He is. How dare he?

Your money… your choice.

Is he like this in other aspects of your relationship?

MissDoubleU · 07/04/2025 15:58

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:36

Eye roll because I have never complained about him buying more guitars.. sorry I wasn't eye rolling at you

And you’re “not allowed” your chosen creative item..? I’m sorry, are you able to veto his purchases in the same way or does he truly believe he is above you and can make decisions your behalf?

Are you also not allowed to stay out past 12, or anything else he seems he has a right to decide all on his own?

adriftinadenofvipers · 07/04/2025 15:56

Riaanna · 07/04/2025 15:30

Because it doesn’t fit your narrative? Because I asked for further context?

I get it. You’re the type that cannot see past the end of their nose. That doesn’t question whether someone is seeking to have behaviour enabled or looking for genuine advice about a potentially controlling spouse.

The point is that there isn’t sufficient information on this post to offer any useful advice. You’re happy to give advice anyway. I am not. Because I understand that giving advice with information missing means you can give awful advice and in the extreme cause harm.

That’s basically the end of it. You do you. I will do me.

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None so blind as will not see. You're just making a fool of yourself. I am very far-seeing thank you and I would hate to be spouting the tripe that you are. I'd frankly be embarrassed.

If you don't want to give advice, why not scroll on by instead of asking daft questions!

It's up to the OP to decide whether it's a good idea to buy the wheel. It's none of your damn business and it's not what she asked. As for "narrative", maybe come back when you have one.

MarkWithaC · 07/04/2025 15:55

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 14:01

Hmm...he said that we don't have room for it and he thinks I won't use it much and I should just stick to painting. When I told him our neighbour offered to let me keep one at hers (we discussed this about two years ago) he stormed out of the house. I think that I should be allowed to buy it with my own money and use it as often or as little as I choose.

I’m sorry, he want? He stormed out of the house?
What a drama llama.
He just didn’t like it when you had a solution and made it harder for him to lay down the law.
Fuck him, buy the wheel, enjoy it.

ThriveIn2025 · 07/04/2025 15:51

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 14:14

He has spent about £6000 in the last couple of years on guitars.

Then I don’t understand why you are asking his permission!

He stormed out when you said you could keep it at the neighbours house because he ran out of reasons to justify saying no. Why he wouldn’t want you to have something you enjoy and is a healthy hobby, I don’t know 🤷‍♀️

Just crack on and buy it.

mewkins · 07/04/2025 15:51

I bet none of his guitars are as cheap as this pottery wheel. OP, go for it.

Toothvibrate · 07/04/2025 15:51

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

pinkingshears · 07/04/2025 15:49

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 14:14

He has spent about £6000 in the last couple of years on guitars.

BUY IT RIGHT NOW.
I hope you get lots of joy from it x

Caerulea · 07/04/2025 15:47

Wow - I'm picking the worst threads to read today. Men can be truly bloody awful.

Enjoy the wheel & making beautiful things with it!

needabiggerpatio · 07/04/2025 15:46

I can see that you might not realistically use it as much as you think you might, if it's in your neighbour's shed, but it's mean of him to try to stop you from buying one, considering how much he's spent on his guitar hobby (which probably brings in no money, unlike your hobbies).

It's disappointing that he's not more supportive, but I wouldn't allow him to stand in my way. He doesn't get final say. It's £350, not £35,000, and it sounds like you can afford it. If not, you can probably sell it for as much and get the money back, as it's a good deal.

Ilovecleaning · 07/04/2025 15:45

The opening phrase “ husband won’t let me…” immediately angered me - unless it was followed by “ to become a serial killer/arsonist” or “to become a professional gambler “.
mind you, I haven’t read the full thread yet 😁

MuffinsOrCake · 07/04/2025 15:45

Karasis · 07/04/2025 15:44

It doesn't fucking matter.

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It would matter if he did not share completely with her

Karasis · 07/04/2025 15:44

HelenWheels · 07/04/2025 13:00

who is paying for it?
do you earn your own money?

It doesn't fucking matter.

MuffinsOrCake · 07/04/2025 15:44

Have read the thread now. Buy it. Men like that are a disgrace and should not be married to talented artists.