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AIBU?

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Original poster

My husband says I can't have a pottery wheel even though my neighbour has offered to let me keep it in her studio

458 replies

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 12:59

I don't ask for much but really fancy a second hand pottery wheel. My husband says it's a waste of money and that I won't use it much. I feel really sad as I have fancied one for years. My neighbour has even offered to put it in her shed/studio as we don't have room for it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Nevertooearlyforsanta · 07/04/2025 17:40

It boggles my mind that you should ask how you can spend your own money! I get joint decisions with larger purchases, but, that has to be fully equitable and not a one person decision. I’m glad you made the decision to buy it, I hope it was still available and you love it. I’d also add, it’s up to you how you waste your money and if you decided you don’t like it, or use it much, then it’s fully up to you if you sell it, or use it as a clothes hanger!

TeenLifeMum · 07/04/2025 17:30

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 16:51

Thanks, I think my mistake was asking him! You're right, I shouldn't have to.

Id mention it again and say “I’ve thought about what you said but I’m still going ahead with the pottery wheel - I’m too excited about it to let it go.”
you don’t need a grown man’s permission. Dh has drawn a line once… I was researching how to keep giraffe. I did understand that to be fair.

BountifulPantry · 07/04/2025 17:28

If you were the type to do something to once and never again then I’d say he had a point. But that doesn’t sound like the case.

BountifulPantry · 07/04/2025 17:27

Just buy it and put it in your neighbours shed then crack on. Next time he mentions it just point out it’s your money, it’s not taking up his space so really he should have no objection.

FleurDeFleur · 07/04/2025 17:26

I find this extraordinary. He's spent £6k on guitars, a hobby which adds nothing to your savings. You, on the other hand, sell your art.
You'll have a good teacher's pension and run the business with him.
I do not understand why he imagines he can veto this choice of yours?

gwylwyr · 07/04/2025 17:25

It doesn't have to cost ££££. Start small...literally...The Small Pottery Wheel

WaneyEdge · 07/04/2025 17:25

MarkWithaC · 07/04/2025 17:22

She has absolutely said she'll be paying for it. And she's said how much it costs.

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Must have missed the amount! If OP is paying then I don’t see the problem.

JANEY205 · 07/04/2025 17:24

Just buy it OP!! My husband is a type to go through hobby phases and I always support him.

Cherrysoup · 07/04/2025 17:24

Buy the wheel! How often does he play each guitar? And no, he doesn't get to control you.

MilkyWayMagicStars · 07/04/2025 17:23

Genuinely…buy the f*cking pottery wheel.

enjoy every minute of using it and if it dosent work out, sell it on and chalk it to experience.

lifes too short xx💜

MarkWithaC · 07/04/2025 17:22

WaneyEdge · 07/04/2025 17:20

That’s possible, but I think OP has clarified she does have some of her own savings. I have no idea how much these things cost but a discussion rather than a flat “no” is the way to go. Of course, if it would leave the family pot short then it may not be possible.

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She has absolutely said she'll be paying for it. And she's said how much it costs.

Discombobble · 07/04/2025 17:22

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:07

I do earn my own money, not very much but it would be paid for by me. We have a shared bank account too, but I have my own savings that I earn through art.

In that case why even ask him? It’s not going to impact him at all

ContraryNoodle · 07/04/2025 17:21

OP, I heard a rumour that there is quite the demand for penis beakers...

WaneyEdge · 07/04/2025 17:20

DurinsBane · 07/04/2025 17:14

Assuming she doesn’t have her own money and it is all shared family money? Not saying he should say no out of hand though

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That’s possible, but I think OP has clarified she does have some of her own savings. I have no idea how much these things cost but a discussion rather than a flat “no” is the way to go. Of course, if it would leave the family pot short then it may not be possible.

MarkWithaC · 07/04/2025 17:19

DurinsBane · 07/04/2025 17:14

Assuming she doesn’t have her own money and it is all shared family money? Not saying he should say no out of hand though

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It's not shared family money, though, is it? Or have you not bothered to read the thread?

AutumnFroglets · 07/04/2025 17:18

When I told him our neighbour offered to let me keep one at hers (we discussed this about two years ago) he stormed out of the house.

He can't watch what/who you are with at the neighbours property. You are SE with him AND you paint at home. I think this is more about keeping you trapped at home and knowing who you chat/meet with rather than the money or having a hobby.

Get your wheel OP, live your dream.

crumblingschools · 07/04/2025 17:18

@DurinsBane OP has said it is coming from her money

Mischance · 07/04/2025 17:15

And definitely TELL him, don't ask him.

When he gets fretty about it, just say: "I am not asking you, I am telling you what I am doing as a courtesy."

Maybe he does not like the idea of you popping to the studio rather than getting his pipe and slippers ready!!

DurinsBane · 07/04/2025 17:14

WaneyEdge · 07/04/2025 13:01

Why is it his decision? If you can pay for it out of your own money and it wont even be on your property it’s nothing to do with him.

Assuming she doesn’t have her own money and it is all shared family money? Not saying he should say no out of hand though

Mosaic123 · 07/04/2025 17:14

Does he have any objection to the neighbour?

Mischance · 07/04/2025 17:13

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:57

This is my gut feeling, that I shouldn't need his permission. I'm stunned tbh.

You do NOT need his permission.

Does he ask your permission every time he buys a guitar?

Hotteas · 07/04/2025 17:11

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

FleurDeFleur · 07/04/2025 17:11

Just buy one. It's not up to him.

Hotteas · 07/04/2025 17:10

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Emmz1510 · 07/04/2025 17:10

And you need his permission because…….

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