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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband says I can't have a pottery wheel even though my neighbour has offered to let me keep it in her studio

458 replies

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 12:59

I don't ask for much but really fancy a second hand pottery wheel. My husband says it's a waste of money and that I won't use it much. I feel really sad as I have fancied one for years. My neighbour has even offered to put it in her shed/studio as we don't have room for it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Whatifitallgoesright · 08/04/2025 00:31

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 14:14

He has spent about £6000 in the last couple of years on guitars.

Buy the wheel.

JMSA · 08/04/2025 00:20

No man would tell me that I couldn’t have something. Not something perfectly reasonable like this, anyway.

adriftinadenofvipers · 08/04/2025 00:15

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 20:23

Thank you. Unfortunately the one I had hoped to buy has sold...but I will keep looking for one.

That's such a shame - keep looking and don't involve him at all next time round x

notatinydancer · 08/04/2025 00:10

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:46

Thanks. No, I don't ask for much at all and am very low maintenance. I am an artist so that is my main 'thing' but I do sell my paintings and am pretty successful tbh. We aren't skint, though we aren't loaded. Luckily own our home. He doesn't think I should do pottery as well as painting,but painting is my profession, I see pottery as a hobby.

So weird why doesn’t he think you should do pottery as well as painting?

You can have as many hobbies as you like.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 07/04/2025 23:22

@Observermum1 you obviously are not like me!! I would have bought it and not told him! I would have hired someone to help get it on a dolly (with brakes) so I could move it around!

TheGrimSmile · 07/04/2025 22:28

Tell him to fuck off

MrsDrSpencerReid · 07/04/2025 22:00

You keep looking until you find one OP and enjoy getting your hands dirty!

Theres a pottery place around the corner from us that do wheel classes, they’re so much fun! They also do hand building classes, it’s the dreamiest little space.

I hope you find one!

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/04/2025 21:59

I have a mini potters wheel (not a kids one, properly mini micro thing) from amazon for around 30 quid ish.

It is absolutely strong enough to throw teeny tiny pots and bowls etc, which can be fired in a microwave using a glass fusing kiln. You can practice glazing and raku in miniature too.

Get one (if you don't fancy the glass fusing option you can still fire in a normal kiln you'd just need to make loads or find someone letting you fire as part of a shared load) and get round to your neighbours often, getting your hand in playing with clay, whilst you wait for your wheel to happen! Bit of a 'build it and they will come' or manifesting what you desire kinda thing!

I also think you should stop 'asking' your 'D' H things like this from here on out, just do it. It's not his money, its not joint money, it's not his time, do as you damn well please with your own money and time!!

DetectiveDouche · 07/04/2025 21:54

PinkFrogss · 07/04/2025 13:01

What happens if neighbour changes their mind or moves?

@PinkFrogss what happens? Then OP relocates it to her own damn house where it should have been in the first place, because- shocker- she's a grown up - and can have what she bloody wants ..and her stupid husband has to get over his fucking self...

Ye Gods... 🤦🏼‍♀️

BexAubs20 · 07/04/2025 21:07

You’re a grown adult who has their own income. No one can tell you you “can’t” have something because em yes you can! It’s not like you’re having a mid life crisis and blowing joint savings on a flash car or something.

Fourpawsblack · 07/04/2025 20:35

How sad for you OP. Your husband should support you not put a downer on everything.

Between DH and I we’ve gone through many a hobby, some more insane than others. As long as it’s not impacting family finances too much (like my horse owning experience) then really there’s no need for him to be so negative.

OhYeahOhYeah · 07/04/2025 20:33

I’d say to hell with husband, and go for it!

Balls to being told ‘no’. He doesn’t own you, you are the helmsman of your own life!

Original poster
Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 20:28

Thank you, unfortunately the one I wanted sold already. I will keep looking for one.

OP posts:
Original poster
Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 20:25

I'll put it in the shed...or sell it if necessary. Unfortunately the one I wanted has sold, the good ones sell really quickly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 20:23

Thank you. Unfortunately the one I had hoped to buy has sold...but I will keep looking for one.

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 07/04/2025 19:35

6 grand on guitars! bloody cheek just buy the wheel

Itsoneofthose · 07/04/2025 18:23

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 12:59

I don't ask for much but really fancy a second hand pottery wheel. My husband says it's a waste of money and that I won't use it much. I feel really sad as I have fancied one for years. My neighbour has even offered to put it in her shed/studio as we don't have room for it. AIBU?

Hobbies, especially creative ones can be very good for people. Very therapeutic, and bring you lots of happiness. Alarm bells should ring at someone standing in the way of this. Who is he to tell you what you may and may not have? Is this 1920? Get the wheel and get a divorce while you’re at it.

Whataretalkingabout · 07/04/2025 18:21

Your mistake OP was asking his permission; giving him all the power.

Take your power back by being decisive and doing what you want. That is what he does.
Then tell him what you have done, out of politeness only.

Bigcat25 · 07/04/2025 18:21

Ask him how many guitars he owns and how many wheels you own. Your allowed your hobbies too.

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 07/04/2025 18:03

Why is it up to him? Does he “let you” or “not let you” do anything else?

MumWifeOther · 07/04/2025 17:56

Life is too short. Get the pottery wheel.

ThatsNotMyTeen · 07/04/2025 17:52

I’d buy it, I don’t ask my husband about anything I want to buy. I earn my own money and I’ll spend it on what I like.

Imbusytodaysorry · 07/04/2025 17:51

PinkFrogss · 07/04/2025 13:06

But she doesn’t have space for it so can’t relocate. And what happens if neighbour changes their mind or moves soon after OP buys it, that’s a lot of money down the drain. I can understand why partner is concerned.

Show quote history

She’s a grown women ! If she chooses to buy it she ca. buy it . It’s her money !

Trendyname · 07/04/2025 17:41

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:47

Thank you, I am feeling like he is being very controlling with this. I'm gutted tbh.

Tell him he has a lot guitars and you never complained, so now he can't complain you are getting the wheel. Go ahead and get it.

Animatic · 07/04/2025 17:41

He shouldn't be dictating you what you can/ can't have tbh.

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