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AIBU?

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Original poster

My husband says I can't have a pottery wheel even though my neighbour has offered to let me keep it in her studio

458 replies

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 12:59

I don't ask for much but really fancy a second hand pottery wheel. My husband says it's a waste of money and that I won't use it much. I feel really sad as I have fancied one for years. My neighbour has even offered to put it in her shed/studio as we don't have room for it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Blogswife · 08/04/2025 08:13

Tell him that there’s been a miscommunication
You weren’t asking for his permission , you were just letting him know your plans and if he’s not able to help lift it you'll get hunky man down the road to help !

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 08/04/2025 08:12

Ok so the kiln isn’t available any more. What are you going to do about the controlling husband?

Storming out of the house is not normal. Spending £6k on a hobby and begrudging you £350 is not normal. Feeling you have to ask him for permission when you’ve sorted logistics is not normal.

SapphireSeptember · 08/04/2025 07:43

My nob of an ex husband was like this with my hobby (make up and nail polish.) It's still my hobby now. But now I can indulge without feeling guilty about it. My rent and bills are paid, DS and I are fed and clothed and he has enough nappies and things. If I buy some nail polish it's a nice thing I'm doing for me.

AlmostCutMyHairToday · 08/04/2025 07:23

Could the issue be where you'd store the pieces? When they're drying they can take up quite a bit of space as can't be stacked. (maybe he can lose some guitars to make space)

In any case, him storming out of the house instead of discussing isn't the most constructive. Sounds like there's more to it.

Agenoria · 08/04/2025 07:15

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 16:13

Crikey, I missed lots of here as I was round at my neighbours house (she's very happy to let me keep the wheel at hers btw). So, my husband is not doing all the work, in fact I do most of the day to day work for our holiday let business (cleaning, ironing, managing the bookings, doing the accounts, buying everything we need for guests etc). He does the garden and general maintenance. I make profit from my paintings.He doesn't gig or teach guitar, but he is very good at it and I have never begrudged him having nice guitars tbh. I'm going to get myself a second hand wheel (haven't heard if the one I saw is still available yet, but I shall keep looking if not) and use it at my neighbour's house. I can't get my head around why he is against it.

I suspect that your answer is in this post. He doesn't want you to have the pottery wheel because he's worried you'll be spending time on it and more of the drudge work in the holiday let business will fall to him. I'm prepared to bet that cleaning etc takes a hell of a lot more time than gardening. The fact that the wheel will be at your neighbour's makes it even worse in his eyes, because you won't be easily available on the premises to deal with holiday inquiries, complaints, bookings etc.

SezFrankly · 08/04/2025 07:09

nokidshere · 07/04/2025 16:20

I have tons of hobbies, some stuff doesn’t get used for months and none of it has been used for a year due to ill health. DH brings in most of the money in our house and he would never dictate what I could or couldn’t do or what I could spend. The only caveat is that the bills are paid and we discuss anything very expensive regarding finances and NOT whether we could or should be doing said hobby.

i paint, I bake, I create ‘stuff’, I build things and I have tons of tools for all of these things. I always have a project on the go. My next purchase will be a 2nd hand piano (when I find room for it) as I’ve always wanted to learn.It’s not for dh to say which hobbies I should be doing or me him. He birdwatches & does wildlife photography, he carries round on his shoulders equipment that cost (over the years) more than our family car. It doesn’t matter if we make money from these things, they bring us joy & calm.

on the face of it you are not being unreasonable, nor are you impacting family finances, so buy the wheel and enjoy it.

Lots of pianos on free loved, but they'll need money spending. Some shops sell refurbished pianos, when a customer upgrades, too.

Enjoy 🥰

SezFrankly · 08/04/2025 07:05

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:46

Thanks. No, I don't ask for much at all and am very low maintenance. I am an artist so that is my main 'thing' but I do sell my paintings and am pretty successful tbh. We aren't skint, though we aren't loaded. Luckily own our home. He doesn't think I should do pottery as well as painting,but painting is my profession, I see pottery as a hobby.

Obv He's allowed an opinion but you should honestly laugh in his face and tell him to F off. Mt other half expresses his opinions like this too, it's taken me a while to understand, that's all they are. Do what you want. No one can tell you, you can't have a hobby. You shouldn't even have to justify it.

Hdjdb42 · 08/04/2025 07:02

I don't think it's a good idea. She's elderly and could go soon, you'd be stuck with removing and selling it. Couldn't you build a shed in your garden, to store it?

SezFrankly · 08/04/2025 06:59

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:07

I do earn my own money, not very much but it would be paid for by me. We have a shared bank account too, but I have my own savings that I earn through art.

If it's your money, do as you please with it. He's your husband, not your parent.

Buy it and enjoy it. And if you stop enjoying it, sell it again.

I have flights of fancy, buy all the gear and then get bored - so what? I get to buy what I want with my own money, as do you.

nomas · 08/04/2025 06:58

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 14:14

He has spent about £6000 in the last couple of years on guitars.

Tell him as there is no room for your wheel, then there’s no room for his guitars and he needs to sell them.

It sounds like you are in a financially abusive and controlling marriage.

LyndzB · 08/04/2025 06:48

I’m imagining a life with your art and pottery studio, a few cats and lovely plants, minus your knob of a husband - sounds lovely!

2catsandhappy · 08/04/2025 06:48

I suspect he is worried that if you are out the house enjoying a hobby, then he will have to step up and do something in the house.

Make his own meal or do a bit of housework.
Maybe pull his weight with the business.
In my experience men object to things that inconvenience them.
I hope you find a wheel soon @Observermum1 and stop asking permission, you are a fully competant adult.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 08/04/2025 06:41

He sounds like a dick (unless you’re currently struggling financially. But it doesn’t sound like that’s the case).

Your DH isn’t supporting you and acting as if he was your „boss“. I would be upset about this as well!

HelenWheels · 08/04/2025 06:40

thanks to this thread, i bought a water butt,
despite dh saying he didnt want one!
eek

user1492757084 · 08/04/2025 05:24

You sell your own art so the pottery wheel is a business expense.
Set it up when delivered with the courier helping to place it where your neighbour suggests.
It is very exciting. If you make pots and things that end up good enought to fire - take them to the local school or university art centre and pay to have them fired.

It could be a new beginning, making and selling usable art.

SummerDaysOnTheWay · 08/04/2025 05:20

Is it the 1950’s in your house op?
just ignore him fgs!

SpringIsSpringing25 · 08/04/2025 04:22

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 20:25

I'll put it in the shed...or sell it if necessary. Unfortunately the one I wanted has sold, the good ones sell really quickly.

Oh, I'm really really sorry to hear that🥹

I hope you find another one soon. But even more than that I hope you think about all of this properly and you change your attitude to allowing him to dictate to you. Buy what you want m, do what you want.

I'm not saying you should leave him, but I am going to say you can if you want to. Just because you have been with him decades and you have had a family together doesn't mean you have to stay with him. You've got decades of your life to live yet., you get to choose how you love them and with who you live them.

🤗

SpringIsSpringing25 · 08/04/2025 04:09

100percenthagitude · 07/04/2025 16:36

or one for his feckin ashes x

Show quote history

👍🏻😄😄

SpringIsSpringing25 · 08/04/2025 04:01

GeorgianaM · 07/04/2025 16:11

Can you suggest getting g it but agree that if you don't regularly use it after six months it gets put up for sale?

Why?

it's HER money
irs (hopefully) going in the neighbours shed

It's £350, not 3.5 mil, so what if she only uses it in frequently, if she enjoys using it if she enjoys having it...

It doesn't impact having any way at all, why should she agree to sell it in a few months if she doesn't use it frequently enough for his liking????

SpringIsSpringing25 · 08/04/2025 03:23

sacredblue · 07/04/2025 14:27

Is he perhaps jealous of you having this additional source of income from art whereas his income is presumably the same as you get from the shared business?

So your art gives you more income and more independence than he has? And also, arguably, means you are more successful than him?

Is he trying to reign you in to 'just stick to painting, that's enough for you' because he is jealous?

Edited

Yes, poor little man, has only been able to spend £6000 on guitars the last couple of years. Poor deprived fossils!!

SpringIsSpringing25 · 08/04/2025 03:16

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 07/04/2025 14:24

@Observermum1 sorry but if he is allowed to spend 6k on guitars then you, sure as hell, can spend 350 on a wheel!! where does he store all his guitars???

I know where I'd be suggesting he stored them!!

beetr00 · 08/04/2025 02:56

@Observermum1 I know in this instance it's your husband, but for all of us, who on earth, should dictate to us?

"My husband/wife says I can't have" oh no, no, no. Not their decision, ever.

businessflop25 · 08/04/2025 02:18

Hell would freeze over before anyone told me how I spend either my own time or money!
personally I would buy the wheel and ditch the husband

3tumsnot1 · 08/04/2025 02:05

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:30

I know a place where I can pay to fire work, I don't need a kiln really. My husband has lots of guitars....🙄

Edited

As you don’t seem to have space, I think it’s probably best that you sell a guitar - to make room and get it with the proceedings after all it is to further your business LOL.

Go for it and get it. £350 is nothing - and sounds like you’d love it. Take the neighbour up on their offer. At least someone is supporting you!

Deepisthecanyon · 08/04/2025 01:46

He sounds threatened by you pursuing your hobby out of the house & doesn’t like it. Controlling & irrational. That would give me the ick big time. Bet he won’t be saying that when your pottery sales start to roll in. Don’t let him control you.

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