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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband says I can't have a pottery wheel even though my neighbour has offered to let me keep it in her studio

458 replies

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 12:59

I don't ask for much but really fancy a second hand pottery wheel. My husband says it's a waste of money and that I won't use it much. I feel really sad as I have fancied one for years. My neighbour has even offered to put it in her shed/studio as we don't have room for it. AIBU?

OP posts:
HelenWheels · 07/04/2025 13:19

go for it op

rosemarble · 07/04/2025 13:17

HelenWheels · 07/04/2025 13:00

who is paying for it?
do you earn your own money?

That shouldn't really be relevant, unless it was to be paid for by say an inheritance intended just for OP to spend on herself.
Otherwise, there should be a discussion, not him saying yes or no because OP may not bring money into the household.

Needspaceforlego · 07/04/2025 13:17

Op if neighbours has been there since the 70s that potentially means neighbour is elderly.
What happens if she moves, becomes incapacitated?
Could it become a tie to caring for her?
It's a bit mean to say 'No I can't run you to shops' when your using her shed.

The wheel is £350, don't you also need a kiln to fire anything you make?

It's not the £350 that would bother me it's the kiln and the ties to the neighbour.
Would neighbour be willing or able to sell you the shed and plot of land to go with it?

PickledElectricity · 07/04/2025 13:16

Where would you fire your work?

Do you have a history of pottery? Like do you go to a studio to rent and practice and create stuff or is this a passing whimsy? Do you have a history of starting hobbies and then getting bored or moving on? Do you both all each other permission to buy something you want, and if so, is this a blanket rule or for items over a certain price?

I am trying to see his side here because he's obviously coming across as controlling and unsupportive but we don't know if he's got a point.

bridgetreilly · 07/04/2025 13:15

Do you have access to a kiln? Because without that, there really is no point in having a wheel. Kilns are generally a lot more expensive and complicated to get than wheels.

IsawwhatIsaw · 07/04/2025 13:13

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:11

Thanks, I feel pretty upset that he doesn't support me I guess.

That’s what this is really about. He’s not your boss. What hobbies does he have?

PiastriThePastry · 07/04/2025 13:13

Unless there’s a big old dripfeed of either you being a total spendthrift, wasting money on stuff that you never use often, or that you’re on the bones of your arse as a couple and can’t even make rent, then your husband is being out of line to dictate what you spend your money on.

Original poster
Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:11

Thanks, I feel pretty upset that he doesn't support me I guess.

OP posts:
Icanttakethisanymore · 07/04/2025 13:11

PinkFrogss · 07/04/2025 13:06

But she doesn’t have space for it so can’t relocate. And what happens if neighbour changes their mind or moves soon after OP buys it, that’s a lot of money down the drain. I can understand why partner is concerned.

Show quote history

If she buys it second hand it does't need to be a lot of money down the drain if she needs to sell it.

loropianalover · 07/04/2025 13:11

Has he actually said you can’t have it - or just that he thinks it’s wasteful and you won’t use it? How does he plan to stop you from buying it?

Runningoutofthyme · 07/04/2025 13:10

Get the pottery wheel and a new husband whilst you’re at it

Original poster
Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:10

I would possibly need his help to lift it...

OP posts:
Original poster
Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:09

My neighbour has lived in her place since the 1970s. I could always sell it. It's a second hand wheel, up for £350. A bargain really.

OP posts:
saveforthat · 07/04/2025 13:09

If you are paying for it why do you need his permission?

Cognacsoft · 07/04/2025 13:09

My dh would perhaps grumble over an unnecessary purchase ( in his eyes).
However he wouldn’t try to stop me because he’s not my boss.

Original poster
Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:07

I do earn my own money, not very much but it would be paid for by me. We have a shared bank account too, but I have my own savings that I earn through art.

OP posts:
PinkFrogss · 07/04/2025 13:06

Icanttakethisanymore · 07/04/2025 13:02

She could relocate it or sell it.

Show quote history

But she doesn’t have space for it so can’t relocate. And what happens if neighbour changes their mind or moves soon after OP buys it, that’s a lot of money down the drain. I can understand why partner is concerned.

PinkyFlamingo · 07/04/2025 13:06

So what he says goes then?

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 07/04/2025 13:05

You don’t need his permission.

crumblingschools · 07/04/2025 13:05

What is the cost and does he have hobbies?

Bigcat25 · 07/04/2025 13:04

You're allowed to have a hobby. YANBU.

RaininSummer · 07/04/2025 13:03

You are being unreasonable as what has your perfectly normal hobby got to do with your husband.

JackieQueen · 07/04/2025 13:03

If its in your neighbours studio he doesn't even need to know.

Redpeach · 07/04/2025 13:02

Could you tell him you want to re-enact the scene from ghost with him

Icanttakethisanymore · 07/04/2025 13:02

PinkFrogss · 07/04/2025 13:01

What happens if neighbour changes their mind or moves?

She could relocate it or sell it.

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