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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband says I can't have a pottery wheel even though my neighbour has offered to let me keep it in her studio

458 replies

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 12:59

I don't ask for much but really fancy a second hand pottery wheel. My husband says it's a waste of money and that I won't use it much. I feel really sad as I have fancied one for years. My neighbour has even offered to put it in her shed/studio as we don't have room for it. AIBU?

OP posts:
100percenthagitude · 07/04/2025 13:42

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:35

Hi yes, I have had a few throwing lessons and used to teach hand building (used to be head of art in a secondary school). I know I need a lot of practise, which is why I would like my own wheel.

So you've earned your living from art, still sell your art. And he's still come at this like you're a silly little woman, wasting money on one minute wonders???

Ffs they are mood hoovers, aren't they> No wonder our vaginas clamp shut.

Buy your wheel. Please!

Mischance · 07/04/2025 13:42

Oh tell him to go forth and multiply - if you want a pottery wheel you bloody well buy one! Get a man in to lift it into place.

What a dullard he is - has he no creativity at all?! - or kindness? - or decency?

ZoggyStirdust · 07/04/2025 13:42

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:36

Eye roll because I have never complained about him buying more guitars.. sorry I wasn't eye rolling at you

Ah no worries

and having read your responses I think it sounds pretty reasonable and thought through so you’d be good to say that this is something you’re going to do, and he can’t really refuse.

Iamthemoom · 07/04/2025 13:40

ZoggyStirdust · 07/04/2025 13:33

Why the eye roll? These are sensible questions.

so your H has a lot of guitars, great. I guess he knows what he’s doing, uses them regularly and has played for a while.

if he wanted a bike, having never ridden before, I presume you’d ask about why, what other kit is needed?

I mean, yeah he should be supportive tbf but asking some sensible questions isn’t out of order

Show quote history

I interpreted the eye roll as towards the husbands guitar collection rather than your questions.

Megifer · 07/04/2025 13:40

This reminds me of when DP said i couldn't get DC some gerbils.

So I went out and got them that weekend iirc. And a giant fuck off tank to keep them in. Shit loads of gerbily accessories and ordered an actual hay-bale (near enough) to store in 'his' shed for them. And made sure his pillow was used as one of the obstacles when they got their free-roam time ☺️

Get your wheel. Get a local handyman from FB to set it up and make him a clay knob to go on his head.

ExpressCheckout · 07/04/2025 13:39

Your money, your time, your hobby. Tell him (politely) to stuff it. Please post pictures of your pots here once you've made them!

Fiaspqueen · 07/04/2025 13:39

yanbu, who made him the boss of you!

Original poster
Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:38

I believe they charge £50 per load. Quite a big kiln too.

OP posts:
LillyPJ · 07/04/2025 13:37

Do you have a history of buying things and then not using them? Perhaps you'd husband knows something we don't.

PinkFrogss · 07/04/2025 13:36

BoredZelda · 07/04/2025 13:34

Why does that matter if OP is paying for it herself?

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Because OP says she doesn’t bring in very much money. If the pottery is going to take up a lot of her income then her husband has a valid concern.

OP if you sell art and pay tax you should look into if any of this counts as a business expense if you’ll also be selling your pottery.

Original poster
Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:36

Eye roll because I have never complained about him buying more guitars.. sorry I wasn't eye rolling at you

OP posts:
Original poster
Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:35

Hi yes, I have had a few throwing lessons and used to teach hand building (used to be head of art in a secondary school). I know I need a lot of practise, which is why I would like my own wheel.

OP posts:
BoredZelda · 07/04/2025 13:34

PinkFrogss · 07/04/2025 13:31

How much would that cost each time?

Show quote history

Why does that matter if OP is paying for it herself?

ZoggyStirdust · 07/04/2025 13:33

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:30

I know a place where I can pay to fire work, I don't need a kiln really. My husband has lots of guitars....🙄

Edited

Why the eye roll? These are sensible questions.

so your H has a lot of guitars, great. I guess he knows what he’s doing, uses them regularly and has played for a while.

if he wanted a bike, having never ridden before, I presume you’d ask about why, what other kit is needed?

I mean, yeah he should be supportive tbf but asking some sensible questions isn’t out of order

Original poster
Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:32

I already sell my paintings. I would try to sell my pottery work too.

OP posts:
PinkFrogss · 07/04/2025 13:31

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:30

I know a place where I can pay to fire work, I don't need a kiln really. My husband has lots of guitars....🙄

Edited

How much would that cost each time?

Burngreave · 07/04/2025 13:31

Why does your husband get to veto what you buy with your own money? Do you ever get to veto his purchases?

Buy the wheel.

singlewhitetrashheap · 07/04/2025 13:31

Stand up to him FGS. you're not a child.

Allaboardtheraveytrain · 07/04/2025 13:31

Unless you have your own kiln I wouldn't bother personally. Kiln hire in my city is about £120 for one firing.

Remember you need to fire TWICE if you want to glaze your pots.

Maybe a better idea to do small hand build clay sculptures not using a wheel. At least you can fit more in a kiln then

Original poster
Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:30

I know a place where I can pay to fire work, I don't need a kiln really. My husband has lots of guitars....🙄

OP posts:
ScottBakula · 07/04/2025 13:30

The cost if the wheel is only part of the cost , you need the clay and a kiln , I know nothing at all about pottery but I can't imagine running a kiln would be cheap.
You DH doesn't get to rule the roost but his thoughts need to be considered too.

Can you go to a pottery class / school ?

Also , I know someone that makes models ( airfix type ) and they are all over the house.
While a few pots / planes are decorative to many is just clutter.
What will you do with all the finished products.

Original poster
Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:28

He isn't the sole breadwinner, we run a business together. If my neighbour moves I would sell it or give it to the local school perhaps.

OP posts:
ZoggyStirdust · 07/04/2025 13:27

We all know on mumsnet that a man wanting to buy a bike/guitar/motorcycle/anything really is a waste of family money and you should put your foot down, or better still, leave him.

a woman’s hobby is her business, he has no say and she should just do it, and better still, leave him.

op have you thought this through? Kiln? Clay? Neighbour? Does your husband have a point?

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 07/04/2025 13:26

Long term potter here. Throwing is quite difficult, compared to hand building. Have you ever done it? I think it would be difficult to teach yourself, even with YT, it is a very tactile process. Maybe try a throwing course before buying a wheel?

of course, if you can throw, go ahead and get a wheel ( though you will need a kiln as well, unless your friend has one)

PinkFrogss · 07/04/2025 13:23

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:09

My neighbour has lived in her place since the 1970s. I could always sell it. It's a second hand wheel, up for £350. A bargain really.

If she’s lived there since the 70s then unless it’s her childhood home it sounds like unfortunately it’s possible she may not be living there for very many more years.

However, if it’s within your spending money and you’re willing to take the risk then go for it, he can’t really stop you. Although surely you need other equipment to go with it which will add up to more than the £350.

Do you contribute to household expenses? That’s the only issue I can think of, if you earn some money but he is the breadwinner paying all the bills/your money is your money but his money is also your money.